


Brothers

by mjeanuniverse



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angry Fíli, Confused Kíli, Hurt Fíli, Jealous Kíli, M/M, Pre-Quest, Prejudice, Self Harm, Self-Harm, Thorin Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-03-03 08:28:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 43
Words: 49,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2844569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mjeanuniverse/pseuds/mjeanuniverse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili and Kili depart for a hunting trip but fail to return.  Thorin and his cousins go to find them. Kili cannot remember what happened, and unfortunately, Fili cannot seem to forget what has happened, ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Where is your brother

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of the characters nor the world in which they live as created by JRR Tolkien.
> 
> I did not get the flame after my first submission so I will dare to submit another. This will be a few chapters long. If it is awful, my apologies. 
> 
> Please give me grief if you think this work is terrible, and if you happen to like, well, I'll like to hear that, too.

He awakes to find water running off his face and to an awful, pounding in his head, a pulsing throb behind his left eye. No, it is pulsing pain behind both eyes in time with the thrum of his heart. Mahal, the pain! And he has not even opened his eyes yet! As he cracks one eyelid, a pale face with a curtain of dark hair comes swirling into view. Yes, swirling, the face is rotating in circles.

 

Suddenly hit with the desperate need to vomit, he throws himself upright, almost smashing into the anxious, circling face, peering down at him. Heave after retching heave of his stomach muscles brings up such a foul mix of bile and an awful, sour smelling liquid he thinks, I must be dying. Nothing this bad could be inside a dwarf and that same said dwarf could not NOT be dying, surely. He sags on his hands and knees, coughing and still dry-heaving. Strong hands, familiar hands, with an iron grip, hold his shoulders.

 

‘Kili?’ It is his uncle’s I-am-trying-not-to-sound-worried,-but-I-am-terrified-of-what-you-have-done-voice.

 

‘Thorin? It hurts’ he whimpers. ‘It hurts so baaad.’

 

Pulling his dark haired, youngest nephew away from his own sick, to clutch him to his chest, Thorin Oakenshield, would be King Under the Mountain, is desperately relieved to having found the lad. When both of his rambunctious nephews had failed to return from their overnight hunting trip the previous night, the dwarven king was anxious to locate them when the second the morning dawned.

 

‘You are alright, now, Kili. I have you. All will be well.’

 

‘Yes, uncle.’ He turns his head slightly, to look adoringly into his beloved uncle’s eyes. Now that his uncle is here, he will be alright. Thorin always sets the world right even if it has been he, himself, Kili, and his own mischief-making that has turned the world on its ear.

 

The two, burnet heirs of Durin stay huddled together for a moment more, Kili soaking up Thorin’s warmth as the night had been quite chilled and for some reason, Kili is outside, beneath the tall trees that surround the small, hunting cabin he and his brother, Fili, had journeyed to two days prior.

 

‘Where is your brother?’ Thorin asks, a bit peevishly. Kili, he would expect to be reckless and foolish, but he never holds it against his youngest nephew. However, from Fili, his oldest, golden haired, nephew and heir, Thorin expects and will never accept anything less than perfection.

 

‘I don’t know. I don’t remember…’ Kili trails off, rubbing his throbbing head.

 

Looking around for his heir, Thorin’s scowl deepens. ‘Your brother has not left you out here alone, has he?’ There is a dangerous edge to Thorin’s voice now. He also expects Fili to care and protect his younger brother at all times. Having lost his own brother in the Battle of Moria, Thorin knows how the pain and grief of failing to defend a younger, reckless brother burns.

 

‘He is in here,’ Dwalin anwers; although, he says the simple statement in a strange, choked voice.

 

‘He is, is he? I will teach him to leave his brother out in the freezing cold, sick and weak as a newborn lamb.’ Thorin snarls, angry now.

 

When the day dawned and his nephews had not returned, Thorin summoned his cousins Dwalin, Balin, Gloin, and Oin to go search for the errant youths. The first place they had sought to find the young heirs was the small hunting cabin that the Durins have used for the last several decades. The plan had been for Fili and Kili to set their traps, stay overnight in the cabin, retrieve the game from the traps the next day and then return to the dwarf settlement in the Blue Mountains, Ered Luin.  

 

As the seasoned dwarven warriors had approached the cabin, the sight of Kili, sprawled on his back just outside the wide-open cabin door, greeted them. While Thorin and Oin had rushed to the brunet’s supine, lifeless form, the other three warriors had charged into the cabin, weapons at the ready. Oin had quickly determined that there was no injury to be found on Kili. The youth was unconscious, yes, but due to an injury? No, none that could be seen or palpated on the lad’s head or body.

 

When, a quick splash of water onto Kili’s face had roused him immediately, Oin had proceeded to follow his brother, Gloin, and his cousins into the cabin to see if perhaps Fili was inside.

 

The irate dwarven king hauls both himself and his nephew up to their feet. Kili leans heavily into his uncle’s side for support. Thorin takes up the weight of his nephew pressing into him without a second thought and begins stalking toward Dwalin as he stands in the open cabin door, half-carrying poor Kili along with him.

 

‘Thorin, don’t... just don’t.’ Dwalin had heard the threat in Thorin’s voice and his words, spoken in a hushed tone and the tight pinch around his eyes, stall Thorin’s full forward tilt towards the cabin instantly.

 

‘What is it, Dwalin? Is the disappointment that is my heir in there? Curled up snug in bed while his brother suffers outside?’ Thorin thunders.

 

‘He is on the bed, Thorin, but he is … it’s not…it’s bad’ the tall dwarven warrior trails off; he is at a loss for words and his eyes are filled with horror. This is Dwalin, his greatest warrior, a survivor of the Battle of Moria and who has seen more fights and battles than Thorins can recount, and his mouth is working futilely to try to put into words to describe the sight that met him, Balin and Gloin when they stepped across the threshold of the cabin.

 

Thorin rocks back on his heels, caught off guard by Dwalin’s response and the look in his eyes. What could it be to effect a thoroughly, battle-hardened dwarrow, like Dwalin so?

 

‘How bad?’ Thorin asks softly.

 

‘Bad’ is the only word Dwalin can choke out again in reply.

 


	2. Defiled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how I came to write this on Christmas Day. My family had a great time opening presents, etc this morning, having good Christmas cheer and all. Then as they were watching Frozen, I wrote this chapter. I must be off in the head, but oh well, here goes.

The smell is the first thing that hits the two sets of dwarven brothers, sons of Fundin and sons of Groin, as they race into the small cabin. It is dark and dank inside and as freezing cold as it is outside since there is no fire lit in the hearth. The smell tells the tale of what has occurred in this place. 

Blood has a horrible, rank smell when it is left in the open air and congeals. The brothers all know that smell from the many battles they have all seen. The second smell is both a mix of ammonia from fresh piss and the gagging stench of stale piss and the bacteria that thrive in it. Males of every kind know that smell. Really, males can be quite remiss in their aim when taken with drink or tiredness, and chamber pots are so small after all. 

The third smell is one that only Oin is familiar. It is tells of a body not able to control its functions after injury or assault. Oin has seen many a wounded warrior, laid up on his sick bed, unable to rise to make his way to the chamber pot or too hurt in body or head, to stem the release of waste. 

The brothers’ faces twist in distaste. What horrors have taken place in this small room to leave such a foul odor in its wake? Gloin, ever the fire-maker, strikes his flint to light the stub of a candle by the door. If the brothers’ faces were screwed up in disgust before, they are now all agape when confronted with the sight that assaults their eyes. 

Fili, Thorin’s first born nephew and heir, is bound hand and foot to the iron rails framing the bed. The small blonde is unconscious, hair matted, his dwarven braids that mark him as an heir of Durin, undone. His face is a mottle of black and purple bruises from fist and dagger hilt alike. Both his upper arms have stark, crisp bruises in the shape of fingers all long their lengths. Several bite marks mar his shoulders.  
The ropes stretched from the rails, binding his wrists and ankles, have the brownish, black hue that tells of hemp once soaked in bright red blood that has since dried. The rope encircling and snaring each slim limb is still bright red with fresh blood as the hemp cuts deeply into the flesh there. 

His back is a crisscross of slashes from a dagger, lashes from a whip. Red, firm muscles bugle from the slits and ragged tears in the pale skin there. Burns from where a fire hot poker was pressed into his flesh are seared on his sides and flanks. The same reddish, black color of congealed blood staining the rope, pools in puddles under his prone body, soaking the wet mattress. The mattress is a sodden mess, reeking of piss from where the assailants emptied their bladders onto the bound dwarf stinging his wounds and dousing his golden hair. 

The tender area showing between his spread legs as they are kept spraddled wide by their bindings is torn and gaping wide, leaking blood, seed and waste. Dried, bloodied spend is smeared down the backs of his thighs and across the hard, flat surface of his sacrum and lower back. 

Gloin is rooted to his spot by the candle. Dumbfounded, he cannot seem move, just blinks hard as if he can will the sight away, finally turning away to gag from both the smell and sight. Balin can only whisper, ‘Oh lad.’ He wipes his face and covers his eyes, ‘oh, little laddie.’ Oin grimaces fiercely, but he grimly moves toward the bed and the badly injured dwarf there, knowing his duty is to tend the wounded. Dwalin staggers backward, stumbling over his boots until he hits the corner of the open doorway. He cannot bare the horrifying tableau of blood, seeping sexual fluids, and bare, riped skin before him, but he cannot tear eyes away either. Fili, his little, golden haired princeling has been thoroughly and utterly defiled and left to rot in his assailants seed and piss and his own filth.


	3. His ale-soaked father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin's reaction to Fili's condition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Insert standard disclaimer here

Still outside the cabin, Thorin pulls up short in front of Dwalin. He can only remember one other time when he has seen the same shattered look in his best friend and shield brother’s eyes- after the battle of Moria. Dwalin had found his father, Fundin, slain on that blood soaked battlefield, but no one could tell him of Balin, dead or alive. Grieving for his father and terrified for the fate of his brother, it was the only occasion when Thorin had witnessed Dwalin so panic-stricken, with eyes so wide with uncertainty and fear.

Thorin’s own heart clenches at the memory of finding his younger brother dead on that Mahal forsaken day. Thorin had begged Frerin not to join the battle. Had pleaded and then threatened, all to no avail. Frerin would not stay behind to be left with the dwarflings and dwarrowdams. He would fight his blonde brother had said and he had died, Thorin remembers bitterly. 

Dwalin stops Thorin from entering, glancing pointedly at Kili. Thorin understands his shield brother’s meaning. 

‘Kili, why don’t you stay here, lad?’ he gently prompts his nephew. Without waiting for a response from the brunet, the dwarven king lowers Kili’s slumping form down until he is resting against the side of the cabin. Taking off his fur mantle, Thorin lovingly wraps it around Kili. Deep chocolate brown eyes, his father's soulfully brown Dis calls them, peer up at him.

‘Fee’s inside, right? He is okay, right?’

‘I’m sure he is right as rain, lad.’ answers Thorin tightly, thinking back to how Fili’s father had tried drown himself in drink and musing that the dwarf’s young blonde son is likey to take after him. Then his eyes flick up to catch Dwalin’s, and he swallows hard as he rises. He can hear Oin’s voice barking orders in short, rapid sentences.  
‘I’ll just go inside and check on him. You stay right here and rest. Your brother will be fine’. Is fine.’ he amends hastily. 

Thorin catches the hitch in Dwalin’s breath, sees the warrior’s intent gaze on something or someone inside the cabin, and the sorrow filled grimace on his face. Nothing left for it, Thorin supposes, and he pushes past Dwalin, murmuring to his friend to keep Kili outside. 

By the time Thorin enters the cabin, Oin’s commands have spurred Gloin into action. Thorins watches his cousin as he is busy getting a blazing fire started within the hearth. Balin is tasked with finding blankets and extra bedding and is busy making a pallet by the fire. Thorin misses that another of Oin’s orders is aimed at him. He is trying to peer around Oin’s body as he is bent over the bed, knife in hand. What is he cutting? 

‘Water, Thorin, water!’ Oin barks sharply for the third time. ‘Find a pot and get some damn water heating! Now!’

Thorin stiffens. Is Oin issuing commands to him as if he were some low-born, common dwarf? Oin is still blocking Thorin’s view of the bed; however, he can certainly tell the unmistakable odor of piss and shit. After he has cut all the bindings, Oin very gently slides one hand and arm under Fili’s upper chest, and pulls Fili’s upper arm with the other hand, so that the lad’s body is lifted up and is laying against his chest. Pausing to have Balin wrap a relatively clean, visibly non-soiled at least, blanket around the blonde’s body, Oin hefts the small dwarf up into his arms and carries him over to the pallet. Gently the old healer lays the unconscious lad on the pile of blankets. 

Oin eyes Thorin critically. ‘Are you going to fetch that water or not?’

Gloin answers for Thorin instead. ‘I’ll get it.’ 

Oin suspects that Gloin is just anxious to get out of the cabin, whatever the task. He is not wrong in his suspicions. Gloin wants to get away from Thorin’s reaction to Fili and his condition. All the cousins have witnessed the treatment that the blonde heir receives from his uncle. More often than not, it is just a cold indifference, but on occasions, Thorin is needlessly harsh and cruel and openly hostile to his eldest sister-son. Gloin is not up for seeing either directed at his young cousin, not with the state the lad is in. 

‘Let me see him.’ Thorin says flatly, reaching for the blanket covering Fili. 

‘No.’ Oin answers firmly. 

‘No? No! Why are earth not?’ demands Thorin. What the hell has gotten into the old healer, the dwarven king wonders. 

Balin is the one to answer. ‘Because the lad is dreadfully injured and…’

‘Dreadfully drunk, you mean!’ Thorin snarls, whirling around to tower over his closest advisor. ‘I can see he has pissed and shat the bed in his stupor! So much like his good- for- nothing, ale-soaked father.’

The last thing Thorin remembers is feeling Dwalin’s huge fist connecting with his jaw.


	4. Kili's reaction and cleaning wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dwarves clean and treat Fili's wounds and Kili reacts to his brother's condition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stole/borrowed the name, Vili. I have seen it many times in several different fics in the past. To the person who originally coined the name, I give you full credit- great name. 
> 
> I would love to hear what you think works or what doesn't in this fic. where I can improve, etc. Tell me anything that is crappy and wrong with this- how else does one improve?

Sitting on the cold ground outside the cabin, leaning back against its wooden side, Kili is trying to process what just happened. Thorin had called their father, Vili, a good-for-nothing, ale-soaked dwarf? At that statement, spoken in such a harsh and venom-filled voice, Kili had to move to peer inside the cabin to see if in fact it had been Thorin who had really said those words. Thorin had always been so warm to Vili and so genuinely distraught when Vili had been killed in a mining accident years ago. He didn’t really think so little of his father, right? 

And then, even more amazingly, Dwalin had just struck his uncle with a crashing right hook that dropped the dark haired dwarf king to the floor unconscious. What the hell was happening?! First, he had thought himself to be dying as he had heaved up his stomach contents. Now, had Dwalin gone crazy and punched his uncle, possibly killing him? Oh shit, he wished his head would stop pounding so he could think clearly. 

Pushing all thoughts of how dizzy he is and how badly he is hurting, Kili pulls himself up by clutching the doorframe. Once on his feet, swaying to and fro slightly, Kili opens his mouth to ask his elder cousins what the fuck was going on, but his eyes land onto his brother. Mahal, oh flaming Mahal’s beard is all he can think before he turns to stick his head back out the door to empty what little remains in his stomach. 

Balin checks on Thorin, grumbling to his younger brother about the all the possible consequences of assaulting the king. He tugs and pulls the prone figure of a still woozy Thorin up into a sitting position. Dwalin simply glares back at the pair before he turns his full attention to help Oin with the task of treating Fili’s many wounds. 

‘Not sure where to begin, really.’ The old healer mutters to as much to himself as to Dwalin. 

‘Let me clean him up first.’ The warrior whispers as his eyes sweep over Fili’s body. 

‘Fine….that is a fine idea. Gloin has the water heating, now.’ Oin answers. He rises creakingly to his feet and crosses the small room to where his brother has indeed gotten fresh water into a large pot and has placed it over the blazing fire. 

‘Water should be warm enough soon.’ The redheaded dwarf says as he turns to his older brother. They lock eyes before Oin wraps his younger brother in a fierce hug.

‘The lad will be fine. He’s a strong one.’ He tries to offer comfort and reassurance to his little brother just as he always had when events have gone amiss in the past, and many, many things have gone amiss since the dragon fire descended on Erebor all those years ago. Gloin just nods against his brother’s shoulder but says nothing. 

Once the water is ready, Dwalin sets two bowls of steaming water and a pile of clean squares of cloth by the pallet and begins to gently and carefully clean Fili’s face and body. Kili silently pads back into the cabin and sinks down to huddle close against Thorin’s side. Growing up Kili had often sought physical closeness to his uncle or brother for comfort whenever frightened. His uncle turns to look his dark haired nephew fully in the face; however, Kili’s eyes, wide with shock and horror, stay glued on his brother.

As soon as the water in one bowl is too bloodied and fouled to continue to use, Gloin empties it and refills it with fresh, warm water. Oin helps to hold the limp limbs aloft one at a time for Dwalin to wipe down. Some cloths are rinsed and reused, but the ones that take away the most offensive smears are chucked into the fire where they spit and hiss. The blonde dwarf stirs slightly and moans from the gentle flexing and extending of his limbs and the careful swipes of the cloth against his back. 

Balin moves away from Thorin and Kili to assist with preparing Oin’s suturing kit with the cat gut line and clean needles and other gear to treat the various wounds. He opens salve for the burns and alcohol for the bite marks, cuts, and tears from the whip. He also readies the poppy milk as he is sure when Fili awakes, he will be in desperate need of it. 

Once Fili is clean and dry, Dwalin drags a chair over to sit close to the fire. He lifts the semi-conscious blonde into his arms and sits down in the chair so they are chest to chest with Fili’s legs straddling his own. This way Oin may have better access to close the wounds without having to stoop. It is Fili’s backside and below that require the stitches and other remedies. He cups Fili’s head with one of his huge hands and tilts his own head down so that he can whisper reassurances into the younger dwarf’s ear. His other hand rubs soothingly along Fili’s hip in small circles. 

At the first jab of the needle to one of the gagged tears on his back, Fili jolts fully awake. He struggles in Dwalin’s strong grasp.  
‘Stay away from my brother!’ he snarls. 

‘Easy, easy lad,’ Dwalin tries to calm the thrashing youth. 

‘Dddwal…Dwalin?’ Fili stutters, looking up and blinking confusedly into the large warrior’s eyes. Then his eyes go wide and round. ‘Kili?’ he croaks. ‘Where is Kili?’ 

‘There, right there, lad. He’s fine. Look for yourself.’ Dwalin answers. 

Fili’s eyes fly around the room until they land on his younger brother’s own wide eyed gaze staring back at him. He straightens in Dwalin’s arms to get a better, unimpeded look at Kili. Seeing no obvious injuries on Kili’s face or person, he relaxes and slumps back against Dwalin’s massive chest with his chin hooked over Dwalin’s shoulder. A small smile ghosts across his lips. 

‘Good, that’s good,’ he murmurs and accepts the cloudy liquid of the poppy milk from Balin. 

‘As long as Kili is alright,’ He slurs as the medicine takes almost immediate effect. Oin sighs, needle in hand to start on his task once more. Kili can only gape at his brother, his cut, burned, defiled brother who only seems concerned for his little brother’s welfare. What could have possibly transpired to leave Fili in such a horrific state and Kili untouched? A cold fear grips Kili’s heart, what if his kin is wondering the exact same thing? 

‘Of course,’ Thorin answers tightly, but his stern gaze is directed at Kili, not Fili. Kili gulps in the face of Thorin’s hard stare. He glances around to find the other older dwarves looking at him with the same grim, questioning expression as Thorin. Oh shit, he thinks, wishing he could remember something, anything of what had happened.


	5. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Questions come to mind for several of the dwarves.

After Oin had finished suturing the cuts and tears and dressing all of Fili’s wounds, Dwalin lies back on the pallet, propped up slightly against several blankets. He gently totes the blonde down with him so the young dwarf is sprawled across his thick chest. Dwalin sweeps the softest blanket he can find across Fili’s bare backside and continually murmurs nonsense in his ear to sooth the tremors that occasionally rack the lad’s frame.

Oin turns his attention to repacking his kit while Balin and Gloin make the most of the provisions that they had brought with them. Soon a meal of bread and cheese along with sliced apples and mugs of steaming tea are passed around. 

Thorin has watched his fiercest warrior administer the most tender care to his eldest nephew with an ever-deepening frown. What is the exact nature of their relationship? A caring, surrogate uncle or lover? The thought of the last option is troubling Thorin greatly. Dwalin has always preferred blonde partners but his nephew, the heir to the damn throne?! Will his trouble with that youth never cease? 

Thorin tosses down the remains of his share of the meal, and he rises to stalk across the room. When his hand reaches out to touch the blonde head, Dwalin growls a warning to his king and friend. 

‘Mahal’s beard, Dwalin! What the hell has gotten into you!’ Thorin barks. ‘He is my nephew not your pet!’

‘He is the son of one of my oldest friends, and I have sat back and watched you alternate between ignoring him at best to outright berating him mercilessly at every turn for decades! Enough! You and your family have done enough damage to the both of them. Your mistreatment of Fili ends today. ’ Dwalin’s eyes are blazing and his arms are wrapped protectively around Fili. 

It is hard to say which of the dwarves present is more surprised. The entire group sits in stunned silence for a few heartbeats, gob-smacked at Dwalin’s words and his cheek. First of all, Dwalin rarely ever says so many words strung together at one time. He is much more apt to remain silent and start swinging than using words to make his point. Secondly, Dwalin has never, ever shown such disrespect to Thorin. He had punched him earlier, and now he is forbidding the king from touching his own nephew and telling the said same king just how lousy an uncle and mentor he has been to the lad over the years?

Balin, Oin, and Gloin all exchange worried, knowing glances. They have all witnessed Thorin’s words and actions over the years and would agree with what Dwalin has said, but they are still very uneasy with the bold, direct manner in which they are delivered to Thorin. He is king after all and has never taken criticism of any kind well. Is Dwalin wise to open that can of worms now? Once the lid is off, the whole, sorted tale will come to light. Are the lads ready for that? Is Thorin? 

For his part, many, many thoughts are swirling through Kili’s head. The dark haired youth knows that his father is from the Blue Mountains, a dwarf that Dwalin knew for several decades, but Kili knows every well that Vili could not have possibly been one of the large warrior’s childhood companions. Why is Dwalin saying Fili’s is the son one of his oldest friends, then? The memory of Thorin’s earlier words resurfaces in Kili’s brain. Thorin had called Fili’s father a no-good, ale-soaked, drunken dwarf. Kili had never seen his father drunk. Granted Vili had been killed when both he and Fili were still small, but he had never heard tell of Vili being a drunkard. He drank surely, what dwarf does not but never to excess. Kili also knows Vili had been very well respected, certainly not considered by any as good-for-nothing.

Finally, Thorin ignores Fili? Or if not ignoring him, berating him then? Kili is unsure what the word berate means exactly, but it definitely does not sound good. Thorin has always looked out for Kili, spending time with him, on the training field and on hunting trips. He does the same with Fili, too, right? 

Thorin is the most affected by Dwalin’s words. Had Dwalin dared to defend that disgrace of a dwarf who had been Fili’s father? How far from the tree did Dwalin actually think was likely for Fili to fall? The lad was a physical replica of his father- could it not be assumed that he would turn out to behave exactly as his father had as well? Did Dwalin not understand that Thorin had to be extra hard on the lad to give Fili any chance of turning out to be a respectable king one day? Did his friend really consider his treatment of his nephew to be excessively harsh and unfair? Had he been that terrible of an uncle to Fili?

All these questions bounce around and fester in the minds of the dwarves as the fire pops and Fili continues to sleep.


	6. A secret revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili learns more of his father

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing of the characters or world created by JRR Tolkien
> 
> I would like to know if you like this, hate it, whatever. Your thoughts and comments are appreciated.
> 
> The original character of Frorin is completely made-up and totally uncanon in every way. There is a Fror in Tolkien's works, but I've never seen a Frorin mentioned in Tolkien or on fanfiction. If someone out there originally coined the name, I give you full credit.

Thorin watches as the wonderful light of sunset starts to turns the bright sky from a slowly softening golden glow to the purple blush of twilight. No conversation had passed between the kinsdwarves since Dwalin’s angry outburst hours earlier. No one felt like speaking as each was lost in his own respective thoughts.

The growling of Kili’s stomach is the motivation that finally presses the older dwarves into action. They are all hungry as well. The last of the bread, cheese, and apples are broken out and passed around. More tea is brewed, strong and boiling hot, so good to stem the cold from leaching into one’s bones as the chilly day gives way to a frigid night. 

‘Uncle,’ Kili starts. He is so anxious to ask the myriad of questions bouncing around his brain, but he cannot help himself. Peering over at the still form of his brouther, curled up on the pallet as Dwalin had carefully slid out from under Fili to join the others for dinner, he begins slowly, ‘Why would you say such a thing about my father?’ He quickly glances back over to Fili. ‘Our father was an honorable dwarf, brave, loyal, true and willing of heart, right?’ His words have picked up in cadence. He does not want to sound like a dwarfling when inquiring about such a serious topic, a deadly serious thing to all dwarves present. 

The cousins all glance around at each other briefly before casting their gazes back down to their food. Thorin runs a calloused hand down his face. This is topic that he has never wanted to broach with his nephews, but he cannot bring himself to lie to such a direct and pointed question. Failing to reveal the truth to the young dwarves is slightly deceptive, yes. Lying by omission can be seen as deceptive in its worst light, but he cannot in good conscious stick to the careful constructed story of Fili and Kili’s lineage. Apparently the time has come to speak the honest truth about Kili’s father and Fili’s father. 

‘Vili, your father, was indeed a good and honorable dwarf. He did well by your mother and our people, by your brother too for that matter. I could have never asked for a better dwarf to bring into our family as my sister’s husband, my brother.’ 

Thorin stalls for a moment to gather his thoughts and words as he casts a quick look at Dwalin before he continues, ‘ However, Fili’s father…’ As Dwalin leans forward, eyes blazing, Thorin hurriedly continues, ‘Fili’s father was not. He dishonored your mother, his wife’s memory, his own child.’ Thorin finishes defiantly, staring down the large warrior. He is ready for it if his friend decides to make his point with his fists again. 

Kili is gob-smacked. He and Fili have different fathers? How could they never have told him? Did Fili know? However, he asks the most pressing question in his mind, ‘Who is Fili’s father?’ 

Thorin sighs, inhaling deeply through his nose, lips pressed tightly together and slowly exhaling. He does not like to even think about Frorin, much less speak about the blonde dwarf.

‘Frorin, he’s name was Frorin, son of who the hell knows.’ He spits out bitterly. Sighing deeply again, he glances over to Fili sleeping on his pallet, and says, ‘Fili is just like him.’ 

‘Frorin? Kili asks softly, turning back to look his brother. Having different fathers would explain why he and Fili looked so different, the lion versus the raven. 

‘What happened to him? Did he die? Why is he never spoken of, uncle?’

Glaring daggers at the back Fili’s blonde head, Thorin hissed, ‘Because he was a bastard! He was the son of a whore, and his father was never named! He was able to rise above his disgrace to become a good warrior for a time, but after the Battle of Moria, he drown himself in a bottle rather than face the hardships of life in the Wild!' Rising to his feet, voice rising in pitch as well, Thorin roared, ‘He took advantage of your mother when she was young and naïve and left her when her belly started to swell with his despicable, no linage seed!’

It took both sons of Groin and his brother to hold Dwalin back from physically attacking Thorin. 

‘And what in Mahal’s name does that have to do with Fili!’ the tattooed warrior bellows, struggling to free himself from the arms holding him. 

‘That lad,’ jabbing his thick finger at Fili, ‘has been nothing but loyal, respectful, and kind in word and deed to all and a sundry! And this is in spite of your and his own flaming mother’s treatment of him! If you two have ever been bothered enough to pay him the least little bit of attention, it is to degrade and belittle him.’ 

‘I am trying to help him rise above his heritage! The blood of Durin can only overcome so much. How can I expect him to be able to take up the throne if I coddle him? He has to be taught to deal with the pressures that come with a crown! ’ Thorin is breathing as heavily as Dwalin now, standing nose to nose with the large warrior, albeit with Gloin, Oin, and Balin straining in between the two to keep them separated. 

It was Balin who answered. ‘Firstly, denying a child, any child, love and a tender hand because of who his father was is wrong. To attribute the sins of the father onto the child is unfair. Secondly, Frorin’s heritage is known. You have just always… choosen not to recognize or see the truth.’ 

‘What truth is that, pray tell?’ Thorins asks in a low, dangerous voice, drawing himself up to this full height to stare levelly at his white-headed advisor. 

Dwalin has stopped struggling. He stands behind Balin with his thick arms crossed over his chest. Gloin and Oin sigh heavily and sit back down. This is going to be a long night, a long and exceedingly unpleasant night. Kili’s mouth hangs open, his head moving from side to side as the words had erupted from his kin in turn. He is unsure how to process all this new information being thrown around. 

‘The truth is that Frorin was Thror’s child.’ Balin sighs shaking his head sadly. ‘He was the child Thror had on a young chamber maiden.’

If Kili was gob-smacked before, he is absolutely stunned beyond words or rational thought now.


	7. More truth revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cousins knit together pieces of the past to reveal the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘

‘Frorin was NOT Thror’s son!’ Shaking due to his fury, Thorin positively roars. How dare Balin trot out this miserable pack of lies? ‘His mother was a WHORE who when she found herself with child decided to repay my grandfather’s kindness to her by attempting to cover her indiscretion by lying and passing her bastard off as a son of Durin!’ Thorin is breathing heavily, glaring down his cousin, daring them to contradict him. 

Balin shakes his head sadly again, but he refuses to be cowed by his longtime friend and king. ‘Frorin was the image of Thror but with his mother’s blonde hair. You can choose to deny that fact, but it was Thror himself who brought the bairn to our hall when the lad’s mother had died.’

Balin’s words stagger Thorin. ‘What?’ he whispers. He has never heard this before. Even Dwalin is surprised by his brother’s words. Of course he had known that Frorin had come to live with his own family, and that Fundin, he and Balin’s father, Thror’s close friend, had taken the lad in, but he had never known that Thror had delivered the youth to Fundin. 

It is Oin who answers now. ‘Aye, I was just an apprentice healer when the poor lass fell ill, and when she succumbed to the illness, Thror came to collect her bairn. He wanted to ensure the toddler was raised in a loving home. He had wanted to take the lad into the royal chambers, but his wife would have none of it. So he took him to Fundin.’

Rubbing his hand over his face, Oin continues, ‘And to speak about her as being a whore? Well, she had been a untouched virgin prior to being assigned to the royal chambers. You see, it was part of our duty as healers, to ensure the “properness and chastity” of chamber maidens. It was after several months, she turned up pregnant.’

A hush falls over the group, as the younger cousins process this latest revelation. Thorin sits down with a thud. Neither Balin nor Oin would ever lie about something so serious. More honorable dwarfs could not be found. Dwalin sighs and looks over at the hurt face of his friend. He rises and goes to sit next to Thorin. 

‘I never knew this, either.’ He bumped shoulders with the slumping, dwarven king. The pain and betrayal burning in Thorin’s blue eyes is hard to bear. 

‘How could he…how could my grandfather dishonor my grandmother so? To take a young maid and get her with child?’ Turning from the sorrowful look in his cousins’ faces, Thorin turns to Fili, and his gaze hardens again. 

‘Regardless, Frorin still became a drunken lout and he raped my sister.’ He hisses. ‘Producing that,’ he spits, jabbing a finger at Fili’s sleeping form. 

Kili is finally spurred into action. Scrambling to his feet, he rushes to his brother’s side. ‘As Dwalin said earlier, what does that have to do with Fili?’

Still sitting next to Thorin, Dwalin turns his head to glare at his friend under his darkly, lowered brows. He cocks one bristling eyebrow. Maybe there is hope for Kili after all he muses to himself. The lad is reckless, self-serving, and completely oblivious to the thoughts, feelings or needs of anyone other than himself, but he did just come to his brother’s defense, putting himself between his brother’s limp form and his uncle’s wrath. Well, that is good sign at least.

Thorin is taken aback at Kili’s question. Nonplussed, he asks himself, is it not obvious? Fili looks like just like Frorin, is it not safe to assume he would also behave just like him, too? 

‘Besides,’ Dwalin drawls, ‘Frorin no more raped Dis than the man on the moon.’ 

Thorin’s head snaps back to Dwalin smirking face. ‘And how in Mahal’s name would you know that?’ he asks stiffly. 

‘Because I happened to be there when they…ah…made Fili.’

Thorin is on his feet in a moment before he launches himself bodily into Dwalin. Dwalin is ready for him, but Thorin is strong and quick, and he lands several blows to Dwalin’s thick torso before Gloin, Oin, and Balin can haul him off. 

‘You LET that lout defile my sister?!’ he screams. 

‘Defile? Oh no, if anyone was taking advantage of anyone, it was Dis.’ Laying flat on his back, Dwalin chuckles to himself at the memory. 

Balin gives his brother a stern look. Now is not the time to rile up and provoke the thrashing dwarf king further. 

Thorin freezes. ‘What do you mean? Speak plainly, Dwalin!’ He pulls himself free of his cousins’ hands and straightens to his full height.

‘I mean,’ Dwalin says looking down at himself, laying supine on the floor, ‘That when I barged into that room over the tavern all those years ago, Frorin was in a position quite like myself now, flat on his back.’ He chuckles and continues, ‘Dis was riding him like was no tomorrow. Not sure if Frorin was actually conscious, but he was hard. Dis was moaning so loudly, she never even heard me, ME, mind you, lumbering around, trying to get myself back out of that room as quickly as possible.’ The large warrior is all but hooting at the memory. 

Ugh-Kili thinks. Not an image he wants in his head, thank you very much. 

Sobering quickly, Dwalin says, seriously, ‘Two months later, a warrant had been issued for Frorin’s arrest and Dis was marrying Vili. She wasn’t happy about it either, but a certain dwarf king was out for blood,’ he shrugs his huge shoulders, ‘so she complied. Apparently she was with child and Vili, a dwarf she barely knew, was kind enough to honor her.’

Thorins sags under the weight of Dwalin’s words. It is too much. First the truth about Thror’s indiscretion, producing another heir, and then that same said dwarf had not raped his sister as she had tearfully claimed. Thorin had gladly signed the arrest warrant for Frorin at the time, belief his little sister unwavering. 

Gloin sighs and adds his contribution to the story, ‘In the days after Dis had dragged a very drunk Frorin upstairs to the rooms over the tavern, she pursued him relentlessly. Outside the forge on one of the few days he could manage to actually get to work, I witnessed her pleading with him to stay with her in Ered Luin.’ Sadly shaking his head, Gloin continues, ‘You remember what a mess Frorin in those days. He had survived the Battle Moria with terrible injuries, and he had used alcohol to temper the pain, but when illness had taken his wife and son while we wandered in the wild, he… he gave up. Seemed to be trying to drown himself in a bottle.’ 

No, no, Thorin thinks miserably. None of these things can be true. It is so far from the truth that he had been feed for so long. He remembers, his grandmother’s open distain for the young blonde orphan that his grandfather’s best friend, Fundin, would occasionally bring over to train with Thorin, Frerin and his own sons, Balin and Dwalin. Her constant snipes about the lad’s clumsiness, his lack of heritage, and his stupidity. Her sneering comments were due to the fact that the lad was the product of her husband’s dalliance with a young, innocent chamber maiden not the merits of the lad’s character? 

Then there is Dis’ story. She had been so convincing when she had come to him, tears streaming down her cheeks with the tale of a drunken night at the tavern. Her foolishly letting Frorin entice her upstairs, not being able to stop him from taking her against her will and begging Thorin to have Frorin arrested as the blonde was making plans to leave Ered Luin. When Thorin had realized that Dis was pregnant, he strong armed a good dwarf, local miner, Vili, to marry his sister; thereby, keeping her dishonor a secret. He had had to strong arm Dis as well, but he thought it was due to her condition and distress, not from the fact that she had actually wanted to keep Frorin in the Blue Mountains and marry him instead. 

Good gods, was anything as it had seemed just the day before? So many things he had thought as the hard and fast truth where in fact lies, a miserable pack of lies. Thorin puts his head in his hands and pulls his long hair in frustration.


	8. Fili wakes up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili wakes up albeit briefly. Thorin finds out even more things.

It is the wee hours of the morning when Fili stirs. Dwalin is lying on his side against the small blonde, dosing on and off as he keeps a constant vigil over the lad. Kili is on his brother’s other side, not quite touching, as he snores and snuffles lightly. Although the other cousins fitful slumber, Thorin has not slept at all. He cannot, there are too many thoughts running through his head for sleep. Too many questions as well. 

He has tried to push the thoughts and concerns of Fili’s heritage and the implications of the confessions of his cousins from his mind. The other thought swirling in his brain is why the hell was Fili used in such a horrific manner, and Kili thoroughly untouched? Could the dark haired lad have had some hand in the matter? The thought made Thorin physically ill. The hard questioning of his nephew had been derailed by the unfolding drama between Dwalin and Thorin and then the secrets coming to light one by terrible one.

Because he is fully awake, it is Thorin who first notices the soft whimpers and small twitches of his sister-son. He rises to go to the pallet where the blonde lies bundled in blankets. Dwalin snaps awake and upright at Thorin’s movements. He turns his full attention to the blonde when another louder whimper erupts from him. 

‘I’ve got you, lad,’ the gruff warrior murmurs softly, reaching to stroke the blonde hair, loose and unbraided from its usual style. Thorin rocks back on his heels as he watches the interaction between the two. Why had he never noticed this tenderness before? How long had they been…doing whatever it is that defines their relationship? Were the two actually lovers? 

Thorin sighs as he muses about the possibilities. How would he know what Fili was actually like, really? His time spent with the youth was to only oversee his training, his lessons, constantly critiquing and pushing the lad to improve, to strive to be better. Never praising or offering reassurance at a task well done or a lesson mastered. Thinking back, if he is honest with himself, he had barely spared his heir either time or thought unless it was to confront him about something done or said less than perfectly, and then he had dealt a swift and severe reprimand. 

Thorin sighs heavily and blows out the breath through his nose. He remembers wryly now that it was Dwalin, always Dwalin that Fili sought out in those moments after his shouts had faded and the small blonde had stood stoic in the face of Thorin’s worst tirades. Fili would always offer a quick nod and a quiet pledge to do better next time, before he would turn on his heel and walk away, back ramrod straight. 

‘How long?’ Thorin asks.

His best warrior and closest friend looks up questioningly. ‘How long before he wakes fully? Hard to tell really.’ Dwalin bends his head back to the blonde. 

‘You misunderstand. How long have you two been…?’ Thorin gestures helplessly in their general direction. 

‘Ah, well it’s not that we’ve been particularly discreet, Thorin. You just never take a notice of the lad but to pounce on him for some real or perceived infraction.’ Dwalin stated bluntly. Leave it to Dwalin to succinctly cut to the chase. 

‘He is the heir to throne. He needs to produce offspring himself one day.’ The dwarf king grinds out, attempting to hold his already frayed temper in check. 

‘Like you have?’ a sharp retort and a bark of laughter. ‘Well, the little lad does like the maids as well, Thorin. Do not fear for the continuation of the line when the time comes.’ 

‘So are you lovers or not, damn it all?’ 

‘Aye, in a way.’ Dwalin rubs his hand over his bearded chin. ‘We find pleasure in each other’s company. Sometimes a willing tavern wench is added to the mix, you know to spice things up.’

‘Wha…’ is all Thorin can manage. 

‘Don’t get your knickers in a twist, my lord.’ Dwalin drawls snidely. ‘We ARE very discreet to only include…another…when we are on travels away from any dwarven settlements. The females of the race of men are much easier to… ah, get on their backs than dwarrowdams.’ He finishes, smiling. 

Mahal give me patience, Thorin thinks. His nephew and heir has not only been fucking his best friend for how long exactly? Not that Dwalin actually got around to answering that question, mind you. But, they sometimes romp with human women as well? Dwalin can easily see the thundercloud of anger rising on his king’s face.

‘He’s a good lad, Thorin. If you ever decide to give him a chance, you’ll find that out for yourself.’ Dwalin’s tone is dead serious now and he is not smiling. ‘It’s not like you are unable. You demonstrate it time and time again with your other sister-son. You know, the one who never seems to do anything wrong, at least in your eyes.’

Thorin flinches at Dwalin’s words. He has come to realize that he has been too lenient with Kili, ever the doting uncle to indulge his youngest sister-son and too quick to forgive his transgressions with no lesson ever given to or learned by the dark haired prince who would so often repeat the same blunder or mistake again and again. Kili would laugh off any and all rebukes from others, his uncle and king had not found fault with his behavior after all, why should he? 

‘Kili means no harm.’ The soft voice startles both Thorin and Dwalin. Fili turns his head to rest on his other arm so that he may flick his eyes up to peer at his uncle before they shifts to his lover. His skin around his eyes has a tight pinched pained look, but his gaze is unwavering. 

‘Be that as it may, we still need to know what happened here, Fili.’ Thorin’s tone is stern. Dwalin bristles at the words, but Fili just sighs, the only tone Thorin uses when addressing him is stern. 

‘A foolish mistake, uncle. A matter of underestimating the situation and the peril our unexpected visitors would pose.’ He answers looking over at Kili. ‘He is alright, isn’t he?’ Doubt creeps into Fili’s voice as he looks at his brother unmoving form. 

‘He’s fine, just asleep. He is untouched but can’t seem to remember anything of what happened. Not that we would know as no questions have been put to him at all.’ Dwalin growls the last sentence. 

It is Thorin’s turn to bristle. ‘It was long and taxing day for all of us...’ 

‘Good, good. As long as he is hale and hearty.’ Fili smiles, resting his head back down to drift back to sleep. Thorin cannot grasp how Fili could smile in the face of what he had endured and his only concern is for his brother’s welfare. Thorin would swear it almost seems like Fili is happy and relieved to know that Kili doesn’t remember the events of the previous days.


	9. Hard questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin, Balin, and Oin question Fili

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok- we are getting into the heart of the matter...

Thorin and Dwalin watch silently as a thin line of the palest pink starts to appear in the eastern horizon. The day is dawning; it promises to be bright and clear. Thorin knows he will have to begin the hard task of questioning the lads once the sun rises. He and Dwalin had spoken in low hushed tones as both princes slumbered in the wee hours of the morning. The two friends could have the fiercest of arguments and differences of opinion, but they also knew how swiftly a friend could be lost since the fall of Erebor, so they never hold grudges against the other. 

They had come to the consensus that the lads needed to be questioned separately and right away. Dwalin had balked at Thorin ‘s proposal that he question Fili. Thorin had pursauded the warrior with the reasoning that he, the doting uncle, could not question Kili as he is always too lenient with his younger sister-son. Dwalin snorts his agreement to that statement but insists that Balin and Oin assist with Fili while Dwalin and Gloin would get the truth out of Kili. Thorin reluctantly acquiesces to the idea. 

Fili is first to stir; he always is. He is the early riser of the two brothers. It is like his golden hair mimics the rise of the sun as it begins its ascent into the sky every morning. He moans raggedly as he moves to stretch. Both Thorin and Dwalin are at his side quickly. 

‘Easy there, laddie. I’ve got you.’ Dwalin whispers in his ear and maneuvers his hands under Fili’s armpits to gently lift the much smaller dwarf up and into his arms as he would if Fili had been a dwarfling still. 

‘Dwalin,’ the young blonde sighs and rests his head against his large lover’s impressive chest. 

‘Uh…ehem,’ Thorin coughs, looking away. 

Fili freezes, his eyes go wide as he turns see his uncle glaring fixedly at the floor. He cannot stop a small whimper from bubbling up from his throat. His back is throbbing painfully, but in this instant he is mortified that his and Dwalin’s true relationship has been revealed to his uncle. 

‘It’s alright, Fili. He knows.’ Rumbles Dwalin’s deep voice. 

‘Knows what?’ snaps Fili. His eyes darting to his brother still sleeping form. 

‘About you and me, you silly dwarfling.’ Cocking his head, Dwalin continues, rising an eyebrow in a silent question.

‘Does he know about…what happened?’ Fili turns back to Dwalin’s gaze. 

“Well now, laddie. That’s something we’re going to have to talk about, isn’t it?’

Fili nods slightly and blows out through his nose, lips pressed firmly together. He does not want to look at either his uncle or his lover. Shame floods his veins as he thinks of how he must have been found and what these two dwarves must think of him now. He shudders violently. Fili tries to inhale in an attempt to relax, but as his lungs expand, his back is stretched and pain flares up over his back and down his sides. Gasping now, he flexes his spine and he feels an agonizing burn tear through his backside where he was brutally torn, up and into his insides to his guts. A scream rips from his throat. The crown prince of Erebor tries desperately to stop from crying out again and tremors rack his frame. 

Fili’s screams rouse the rest of the dwarves immediately. Jumping to their feet, instincts honed from the years wandering the wild, Balin, Oin, and Gloin rush to arm themselves and look for the cause of the screams. One look at Fili’s shuddering body, convulsing in Dwalin’s arms, spurs Oin to grab for his pack. 

‘Here, help me open his mouth. Quick!’ barks Oin, rushing toward Dwalin, poppy milk in hand. Dwalin grasps the blonde by the chin and forces his mouth open so that Oin can pour the cloudy liquid down his throat. As the medicine begins to take effect, Fili’s eyes glaze over slightly, and he sags against Dwalin. 

‘Give him to me.’ Thorin says gently. Dwalin sighs and reluctantly hands the blonde over to place him in Thorin’s arms. Kili clambers up to his feet, untangling himself from the blankets and goes to Thorin’s side to offer comfort to his brother. Fili turns terrified eyes to Kili.

‘No, no please…’ he slurs and he shrinks from his brother’s hand reaching for him. The brunet freezes. He is confused at Fili’s pleading and terrified expression. 

‘Dwalin,’ Thorin nods toward his youngest nephew. Dwalin acknowledges the unsaid order from his king with a grim jerk of his head. 

‘Come with me, lad.’ He says to Kili.

‘Why?’ demands Kili, indignantly. He turns to his uncle for the support he so often gets, but Thorin literally turns his back on the young dwarf. Kili is stunned. He has never been ignored, much less rejected by his uncle.

‘Go with Dwalin.’ Thorin growls as he carries Fili back to the pallet. ‘There are many questions that need answers. Now, go.’ The dwarven king does not spare his dark haired nephew a glance. 

‘What?’ Kili breathes. 

Dwalin jerks his chin at Gloin to communicate to the red-headed dwarf that he should assist him. Dwalin’s heavy hand lands solidly on Kili’s shoulder and he guides the young dwarf towards the door. As Kili moves to shrug off the warrior’s paw, Gloin eases up to his other side and places his hand on Kili’s elbow. Knowing further struggle would be futile, Kili huffs angrily, but lets himself be led out of the cabin. 

Thorin watches out the corner of his eye, his heart clenching at the sight of his beloved nephew being led outside into the cold morning. He turns back to his other sister-son, mouth turning down into the familiar sour frown that so often mars his handsome face when he addresses his blonde nephew. The dwarf king is surprised to see his young heir gazing mournfully at door through which his brother had just gone. 

‘I’m sorry, uncle’

Thorin is now even more surprised. ‘Whatever for?’ he asks. 

‘For…not protecting Kili better,’ Fili says in a small yet firm voice. 

‘Not protecting Kili better?’ Thorin echos. How can you say that? It is not he that was cut, burned, and…’ he trails off lamely. 

Fili closes his eyes and lowers his head in shame, shame at the fact that Thorin knows about the rape and shame at the fact that he had not done more to prevent the whole sorry affair from happening in the first place. He is the older, purportedly wiser brother. He should have known better. He had failed to protect his little brother, nothing could be worse than that. 

‘What happened, laddie?’ Balin comes to the blonde’s side. ‘No one is blaming you. We just need to know.’

‘I failed. I failed to keep Kili safe.’ Fili’s head comes up so that he can peer into Thorin’s face. Thorin sees pain, shame, and deep sorrow in his nephew’s face. 

‘I made a promise to adad long ago that nothing would ever happen to Kili. And I failed.’ Fili says in a calm voice, but once the words are out of his mouth, he ducks his head as the tears start to spill from his eyes. 

‘No, laddie. Your brother is fine. A little confused that’s all.’ Balin reassures the distraught youth. 

‘Your father…would have never thought you failed Kili.’ Thorin tries to keep the bitterness out of his words out, but the hesitation and his tone of voice at the words your father is not lost on Fili. 

Fili’s head comes up, and his answer is firm. ‘I promised Vili.’ 

Balin and Oin exchange a glance as Fili stressed the name Vili, and Thorin rocks back, searching Fili’s eyes. He knows the truth Thorin realizes. It is plain as day in the lad’s eyes.

‘How long have you known?’ Balin asks quietly, voicing the question all three older dwarves are wondering. 

The young blonde shrugs. ‘Since I was about ten or so, I guess’ He answers simply. There is no anger in his tone, no bitterness.

‘For decades? You’ve known for decades and have never said anything?’ demands his uncle sharply. 

Fili stares at his uncle for a beat before saying, ‘It is not like any of you every spoke about it. I figured it was a subject best left to lie.’

‘Who told you?’ Thorin continues in his demanding tone. 

‘Vili, Kili’s father. His seed may not have been the one to give me life, but he was MY adad in all the ways it mattered.’ Fili snaps back. The combination of pain and poppy milk is making him far more vocal than his normal quiet, stotic façade would ever allow. 

‘Why…why would he have told you? He had no right to...’ thunders Thorin.

‘He had every right! I was a confused child! He just answered my questions. Why did my own mother barely bother to look at me? To treat me with such coldness when she could so obviously love my little brother? Why did my own uncle hate me so much and only to turn around and dote on his other nephew? I didn’t know what had I done? ‘ Fili is sobbing when he finishes his outburst.

Balin wraps his arms around the small blonde to rock him gently. ‘Your uncle does NOT hate you. Has never hated you.’ 

Fili snorts at that, swiping fiercely at his eyes. ‘Really? Well, you could have fooled me.’ He lifts his eyes to glare at his uncle. ‘And guess what, you didn’t fool Vili, either. He saw how you and amad treated me. He explained the whole sordid thing to me. He was more loving and caring to me than any of my own blood has EVER been. 

Thorin can only gape at his nephew. He cannot deny his actions over all these long years, and Fili had known the entire time. ‘Do you hate me?’ He has to ask. He would completely understand if the lad did. 

‘No.’ Fili’s head snaps up. ‘You may have treated me…without love, but you never cast me out. You kept me and Kili feed and clothed, and in Kili’s case well loved. I have no ill will against you.’ Thorin looks intently at his nephew, but he sees no malice or disingenuousness in Fili’s face. 

‘It was Vili that bandaged my scraps. It was Vili that would let me cry on his shoulder. He always knew what to say and always knew how to make me feel better and wanted and loved. On his death bed, I swore to him that I would repay his love and kindness, things he was under NO obligation to give to me, that I would protect Kili, with my life if need be. And now…’

‘Lad, Kili is untouched. Not a mark on him and he claims that he can’t even remember what happened here!’ Oin snorts impatiently. ‘You hardly have…’

‘He really doesn’t remember?’ Fili cuts the healer off. He looks into the eyes of Oin and then into Balin’s and finally Thorin’s. 

‘No, it seems.’ Balin sighs, but stresses the words seems. ‘And laddie, there is issue of the ties that bound you to the bed…they are dwarven rope and the knots are a kind unique to Erebor-born dwarves. ’

Fili just squeezes his eyes shut, but Oin adds, ‘Gloin noticed that the only footprints in the ash surrounding the hearth were made from dwarven boots. Only one set.’

‘What in Mahal’s name are you two implying?’ Thorin rumbles darkly, the higher his temper rises, the lower his voice pitches. 

‘Did a dwarf do this to you, lad?’ Balin prods gently. The wizen, white-haired dwarf steels himself to ask the next question, but it has to be done. ‘Did Kili?’


	10. A harder answer is found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili helps Dwalin and Gloin find and interpret the signs of the intruders outside the cabin.

While all the older brothers question Fili, the elder brother of the youngest set, inside the cabin, the two younger brothers question Kili outside. 

‘I have already told you, I remember nothing!’ Kili half shouts, half wails before Dwalin or Gloin can even open their mouths. Snarkly little shit, Dwalin thinks sourly. No manners, no respect for his elders. Well, why would he? Thorin has certainly never taken the lad to task for his words or actions. 

All these long years, the dark haired heir has been utterly oblivious to his brother’s struggles under the weight of their uncle’s harsh treatment and to their own mother’s indifference towards the blonde for that matter. No, Kili, is the self-absorbed, self-serving product of his doting mother and uncle, usually quite lovable and exuberant most of the time, when things are going his way, but a surly little shit when they don’t. 

‘Shut up.’ Gloin snaps. Apparently, he too is tired of Kili’s nonsense. The brunet rears back as if slapped. His eyes narrow to slits and he hisses menacingly, ‘How dare you speak to me like that? I will…’

‘YOU will do nothing!’ roars Dwalin, astonished in the sudden change in the raven haired lad, the one with the usually sweet and open face. One second ago the young dwarf had been a distraught dwarfling, wailing over having been separated from his brother and the fact that he could not recall the events of the previous days to a coiled viper ready to strike. The shift had been almost instantaneous. 

‘You will do NOTHING.’ The big warrior repeats in a dark low growl, massive shoulders and chest bowing up in a display of physical prowess. Dwalin is using his body language and his voice that he employs when training overly ambitious, rowdy soldiers to reaffirm who is fully in command of the situation. 

Kili blinks rapidly a few times at his older cousin and the slit-eyed look is gone, poof, completely gone. Interesting Dwalin thinks, and he glances to Gloin to see if he has caught the pendulum-like, startlingly quick mood swings in the young dwarf. ‘Now let’s look around the cabin for signs of the intruders that did this to your brother.’ He orders slowly, and at the same time, gives Gloin a hard look to communicate to the red-haired dwarf that he should stick close to Kili to see what he sees.

The young archer goes to the task given to him quickly and without hesitation. His brown eyes sweep the ground, the dirt, leaves, and foliage with a confident assurity. The lad is quite a hunter and definitely in his element, Dwalin muses ruefully. Now, what will the scratches, scraps, and footprints in the dirt tell the lad?

‘Here, ‘ Kili exclaims excitedly, pointing at some marks in the dirt about thirty feet from the cabin door. ‘Here are footprints.’ He squats to the ground to gage the prints. Gloin is right behind the younger dwarf, peering over his shoulder. 

‘Some of these look small, too small to be dwarf bootprints surely.’ Gloin reasons. 

‘Aye, there are three sets of prints, two look like the size and shape of men’s footwear. The other are dwarven bootprints for sure.’ Kili agrees with his cousin’s conclusion. ‘Hmmm, the men’s footprints don’t seem to go any closer to the cabin than this, though.’ Kili’s voice is confused. He looks back and forth from the prints to the door, thoughtfully rubbing the scruff of a beard he has. 

‘What would you make of that?’ He asks his cousins earnestly. 

‘Hard to say, really.’ Dwalin answers tightly before Gloin can state the obvious.

‘Well, these prints are heading toward the cabin, but get no closer than here while the dwarf bootprints go directly toward the cabin. Let’s see where this pair of prints had come from?’ Kili suggests.

‘Yes, let’s do that, lad.’ Dwalin agrees. 

Kili jumps up with a smile, happy to be so helpful in finding out what happened to his brother. Dwalin and Gloin just exchange a very sorrowful look and follow Kili’s crouching form as he studies the ground intently. 

A happy howl erupts from the dark haired dwarf and he holds aloft what looks like a bottle, a small brown bottle. ‘There are two of these here.’ Kili bounces excitedly, turning back to his cousins. He is making progress! He will help track down and discover the animals who did those horrible things to him and his brother. 

Dwalin takes the bottle from Kili’s hand and unscrews the cap. The sharp sour smell of whiskey hits all three dwarves. Oh shit, whiskey? Dwalin thinks. While dwarves can easily down a barrel of ale, the whiskey of men affects dwarves much more harshly, turning even the most even-tempered dwarf into a raging maniac. 

Kili’s eyes blow wide as the smell hits him. The vapors of the strong alcohol stir and bring up memories from the foggy depths of his brain. 

‘Did you drink some of this, lad?’ Gloin asks gently. He and Dwalin have both seen dwarves in a whiskey induced state. It is not a pretty sight, to be sure. He hopes against hope that Kili’s answer will be negative, that he did NOT comsume any of the whiskey from these bottles; however, the young lad drops his head and nods faintly. 

Lifting his tearfilled eyes to stare into the older dwarves faces, Kili whispers, ‘What did I do?’ He eyes cut to the cabin and he repeats in a small and terrified voice. ‘What did I do?’


	11. The scales fall from his eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Balin tries to persuade Fili to open up and Thorin comes to an awful conclusion.

Thorin cannot, simply cannot comprehend what old Balin hopes to accomplish when he puts these two questions to his eldest sister-son, ‘Did a dwarf do this to you? Did Kili?’ 

‘What is the name of Mahal’s flaming beard are you driving at, Balin? Of course Kili would not have done anything like,’ he gestures with his hand in Fili’s direction, ‘to his own BROTHER!’

Balin completely ignores Thorin’s outburst and softly repeats the question, speaking only to Fili. ‘What did he do, lad? It’s best we know the truth. Ultimately it’s best for HIM if we learn the truth.’

Fili’s head, which had been ducked so low that his chin was resting on his chest, rears up so suddenly it almost knocks Balin in the forehead, but when he answers, in a voice as low and dark as Thorin’s, he looks his uncle directly in the eye. ‘Since when has my family EVER wanted to know or acknowledge the truth?’ 

The blonde says nothing more, but his eyes continue to bore into Thorin’s, daring the older dwarf to deny the statement. Thorin’s mouth opens to refute his young nephew’s claim, but he slams it shut as shame washes over him. He looks away from the ice cold assuredity and righteousness that he sees in Fili’s face. 

The youth is right. He is right and has every reason to be state the obvious. Thorin, Dis, and Kili have no true concept of what the truth is, only a vague notion of what they WANT the truth to be so they pretend that what they believe or want to be true is in fact the truth. Holy Mahal and his hammer, how could I be so blind for so long? Thorin thinks as he sinks to the floor. So horribly, willfully blind? What was so obvious to Balin and the others, had been a mystery to Thorin. 

Thorin forces his eyes to meet Fili’s once more, fully expecting to find fury, distain, disgust there. Instead, he sees the soft expression of sadness and pity in his nephew’s blue eyes, blue eyes so like his own in color, so like his grandfather’s. He cannot stem a choking sob as it rises up his throat. His sister-son who has been treated so badly for so many years at his and his sister’s hands is not angry with him as he would have every right to be. No, the lad feels compassion for his uncle, feels sorry for him, his so very blind uncle. Thorin cannot stop the tears as they fall from his eyes. 

‘Denial is as powerful as poppy milk when it comes to deadening one’s willingness to see the truth.’ Oin offers quietly. Thorin barks out a laugh as he thinks, when the hell did Oin turn into a sage? Or is it that he himself is such a fool? The latter he decides ruefully. 

‘What do we do now?’ the dwarf king asks softly. ‘How do I fix…things?’

‘I am not broken, uncle. Battered and bruised, among other things, but I am NOT broken. Not by you, not by amad, and not by…what has happened.’ Fili says flatly. 

‘Did he actually do...inflict all those injuries on you?’ 

The blonde closes his eyes briefly and turns his head to stare out the window into the bright morning light. 

‘He has to be made to see and acknowledge his misbehavior and mistakes if we ever hope to keep him from repeating them, lad.’ Balin urges gently. 

Fili snorts and asks, ‘And why are you telling me this? I KNOW that, but… for all these years, why have you never said that exact same thing to him?’ He points at Thorin. ‘Or to mother? He has never been made to suffer the consequences of his actions or words. Not since he learned as a toddler to use those brown eyes to dissuade any them of giving him any punishment he may have earned.’

Balin sighs deeply and glances at Oin. Both older dwarves had hoped Fili would not have asked that question. ‘I did. Time and time again, but Thorin and Dis…well, they refused to see anything wrong with his behavior.’

‘That is NOT true!’ objects Thorin.

‘Just because you would not listen to the words nor grasp their meaning, does not make the words or sentiments unsaid. Just unheard.’ Oin admonishes. 

Hmmm, Oin really is some kind of sage, Thorin ruminates as he chews over that statement. Finally he says, ‘So you all told me that I was being unfair to Fili and coddling Kili over the years, and I just never heard you?’

‘In a way, yes.’ Balin anwers as Oin nods. ‘In your defense, we never said that in so many words or so bluntly, but we certainly spoke to the gist of the matter. And yes, you chose time and time again to ignore our words.’ 

Thorin rubs his hand over his face, his very tired face. He looks back to Fili as the lad stares out the window, without a doubt worrying about his little brother. Thorin rises stiffly to go to his nephew where Balin still has his arm draped over the lad’s shoulder. The dwarf king finds himself treading in uncharted waters here, but this must be done. He lowers himself down to kneel in front of Fili and slowly cups the blonde’s cheek with his calloused hand. Turning the lad’s head so that blue eyes meet blue eyes, Thorin whispers in a pain-filled voice something he has never said. 

I’m sorry lad, so very sorry…for everything…for all these years..’

He does not finish as Fili leans slightly towards him, not coming all the way, but closing the space that separates the two by half. The young blonde dwarf stops at the half way mark and waits, breath held and eyes sad, but with a spark of hope in them. He waits to see what his uncle will do. Thorin chokes back a sob as he sees what his nephew is offering him, his precious, forgiving nephew and wraps his arms around the small blonde and hugs him tightly to his chest.


	12. The first step toward forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili realizes that he and Thorin will have a long road to forgiveness, trust and love. Dwalin and Gloin realize the depth of Kili's immaturity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SInce businees/work has been quite slow in the last 2 weeks, I have yet another update. I have to express how truly grateful I am for the many kudos and comments. Quite pathetic, really, but I am so proud of each and every one of them! I would like to hear feedback both good and bad for this fic. If you think it's crap, please tell me. I am grown up and can take it. You will not hurt my feelings. I would like to hear why you think it's crappy and how it would be better. And of course if you like it, I appreciate that as well.

As his uncle weeps and clutches Fili to him, the blonde dwarf relishes the feeling of acceptance, simple acceptance from Thorin for possibly the first time in his young life. However, he knows that there are many, many issues that lie unresolved between them, and it will take many words, some harsh, and most likely many more tears before true forgiveness can be granted or accepted. 

Resentment for past hurts will undoubtedly continue to plague Fili’s thoughts and actions, just as guilt will rack Thorin’s heart and affect his words and deeds for several years to come. True forgiveness, trust, and love will only be realized once both parties mentally and emotionally come to terms with what has transpired in the past. Letting go of the hurt and the guilt will take time for both, but oh, this is a good start, Fili thinks. He fervently hopes Thorin feels the same. 

Balin and Oin watch the pair cling to each other for several heartbeats, but then quietly look away from their king’s and the crown prince’s tears to busy themselves with various tasks, not because they are embarrassed or ashamed of either of them, but that the pair should be granted a measure of privacy while undertaking this first, all-important step. 

‘What do you think the younger brother trio is doing out there?’ Oin asks jutting his chin towards the door. 

Balin sighs heavily, as glad as the scene between Thorin and Fili makes him feel, he knows what to come with Kili is going to be so much more unpleasant and exponential more difficult. The lad has NEVER been punished by either Dis or Thorin. He has been left to run amuck and more often than not, his outrageous behavior has simply been shrugged off, if not outright rewarded. Kili has no idea what is in store for him when Thorin turns his very formidable temper on the dark haired prince, and then there is Dwalin’s temper to consider. He will be out for vengeance and blood once the truth is revealed. Balin doubts that the combined efforts of all the dwarves present could be enough to stem Dwalin’s bloodlust. His brother loves Fili, completely and passionately. The pair is bonded. Their bond cemented when the large warrior claimed the little blonde heir last Durin’s Day. A fact Thorin is utterly unaware of, Balin remembers grimly. Ah, another hard day upcoming today, indeed. 

 

Outside, Kili turns his soulful brown eyes and trembling bottom lip on his cousins for the forgiveness he has always been granted in the past and for reassurances that they would not possibly think him capable of torturing and raping his own brother, but Dwalin and Gloin just stare at him under furrowed brows when he uttered the question, ‘what did I do?’ to himself. 

‘The question you should be asking yourself is why, lad. We have all seen what was done to your brother.’ Gloin remarks tightly. 

Kili jerks back as if Gloin’s words had physically slapped him. Have they no pity, no mercy for him? Don’t they know what he is going through? Kili makes the very immense mistake of voicing these questions aloud to his cousins in an outraged tone. Gloin has to use every bit of skill and strength he possesses to block Dwalin’s charge at the dark haired prince. 

‘No, now quit! It wouldn’t do any good to beat him senseless, now will it?’ 

‘It won’t?!’ Dwalin asks incredulous. ‘It sure as hell will make ME feel good to hear his bones crack.’ 

‘But how will it make Fili feel if you were to do that, huh? Gloins tries frantically to reason with his very large, very dangerous cousin. Gloin’s words pull Dwalin up short. 

‘Ah, well then…’ The thought of causing Fili any more pain or suffering takes a lot of the anger out of Dwalin. 

Kili is indigent at his cousins’ exchange. ‘Just you wait and see what Thorin says about you wanting to break my bones!’ 

‘Let’s wait and see what he has to say about what YOU’VE done, shall we?’ Dwalin growls, glowering darkly at Kili. Can the lad be so self-absorbed that he would think Thorin would completely overlook his deeds just because Dwalin threatened him? Well, in truth, probably, Dwalin muses wryly. 

Dwalin grabs the younger dwarf by the scruff of his tunic and manhandles him towards the cabin. Kili squawks loudly but wisely choses to allow himself to be pushed through the door. Both the warrior and prince are surprised to see Thorin and Fili embracing on the floor. 

At the sound of their boots scuffing the threshold, Thorin raises his head to stare at the pair gawking at him. A weak smile cracks his face as he takes in their mouths hanging open. Fili snuffles quietly and pushes back from his uncle. He can surmise from his lover’s thunderous visage that Dwalin knows, and his heart sinks at the sight of his little brother’s terrified expression. Obviously, Kili remembers now it would seem. 

The smile fades from Thorin’s face as he looks, really looks at his dark haired nephew. The lad is scared. He should be. He has a lot to answer for after all.


	13. Kili's point of view and how he got there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili tries to offer an excuse for his behaviour. Fili and Thorin come to some unpleasant conclusions about their own behavior.

Kili tries to swallow the large lump forming in his throat as he looks from Balin’s sorrowful face to the hardening of Thorin’s mouth, the tightening of his jaw, and his deeply scowling eyebrows as they lower over his blue eyes. Kili’s brain jolts as he recognizes that look, it is the same look that his uncle gives his brother on occasion, right before Thorin sweeps out of the room with a quick bark for Fili to follow him. Fili had never divulged to Kili what would transpire after he and Thorin had left, but Fili would return much later, usually just stone-faced and silent, but sometimes limping slightly with the traces of dried tears on his face. 

Before a word can be uttered by any of the assembled dwarves, Kili throws himself at his uncle, begging forgiveness. 

‘I drank…the men gave me something to drink. It tasted awful and burned my throat, but….they made me….they made me drink it. Please uncle, I meant no harm!’ the young dwarf’s voice was shrill and pleading as he fell at Thorin’s knees in total submission. 

Nothing is said by anyone for several, long moments. Kili raises his head, his deep brown eyes at their most soulful and mournful, seeking his uncle’s eyes for the understanding and forgiveness the youth KNOWS he will find there. Instead, he feels as if he has been dumped into ice cold water as he finds neither understanding nor forgiveness in Thorin’s face. Not in any of the other faces as he desperately scans the room, either. 

Fili’s face is the hardest to read. He mastered control over his facial expressions decades ago from having to deal with Dis and Thorin. His face is neutral, but he looks from Kili to Thorin and back again. 

‘So,’ Thorin begins slowly, choosing his words carefully, ‘it was these men’s fault, really? All what happened here, is that right?’ 

‘Yes, oh yes, uncle!’ Kili nods vigorously in agreement with Thorin’s words until he catches the fearful look in his brother’s eyes and the quick shake of his head. No? Fili is trying to tell him to say no? To what? The perfectly served up excuse for his behavior? Well, that seems ridiculous. 

‘If those men had not forced that drink down my throat, none of this,’ Kili waves his hand in small circles towards his brother, ‘None of this would have happened.’ He smiles brightly at his uncle. 

Fili had been trying to dissuade Kili from agreeing with Thorin’s comment as he knows their uncle is baiting younger dwarf. At Kili’s words and the eagerness with which his brother has flippantly pushed all the blame to someone else, Fili now looks hard at his brother. Perhaps, he thinks ruefully that he has, in fact, done Vili a disservice to always be there to shield his son, Kili, from consequences and punishment for the lad’s misbehavior. 

Fili had wanted so badly to return Vili’s love, protection, and kindness to him when he was but a wee lad and so confused by his mother’s and uncle’s attitude towards him. He thought by protecting Kili from all the slings and arrows that their mother and uncle and life in general could dish out, he would be doing just that. The leaden realization that he had been dreadfully wrong washes over the blonde. His constant sheltering of his brother from the normal consequences of bad behavior has left his dark haired brother incapable of taking responsibility for his own actions, ever, and even more sadly, Kili seems completely unaware that he has any responsibility or accountability to anyone. Tears form in Fili’s eyes as he silently asks the spirit of Vili for forgiveness for his failings and Mahal for mercy for Kili as he watches Thorin gather himself like a puma readying itself to pounce. 

A startled yelp erupts from the youngest dwarf’s mouth as his uncle suddenly yanks him up and tosses him away from his brother. The other dwarves back away slightly, to allow their king to stalk towards the now clearly confused and cowering prince. 

‘Are you such a dwarfling as to think I would buy that line of horseshit?’ Thorin asks in a deep voice. ‘Someone poured whiskey down your throat and that made you tie up your brother and do the most horrible things to him? REALLY! You expect me to believe that!!’ Thorin roars directly into Kili’s astonished face. 

‘Why wouldn’t he?’ Thorin whirls to tower over Fili and he stares down at his heir, trying to process what the lad had just said. 

‘Oh I see, so it is, in fact, all my fault, is it’?

‘No, no. I have a good deal of the blame to shoulder as well.’ 

‘How can you say that, lad…’ Balin asks incredulous  
‘I do, while Thorin may have never been wanted to deal out punishment when Kili’s behavior merited it, I am just as much to blame. Not it this situation,’ Fili waves his hand to indicate what happened in the cabin. ‘But over the years, I always made sure Kili was sheltered from punishment of any kind, whether he deserved correction or not. I blocked any and all opportunities for him to learn that actions have consequences and how to learn from those mistakes and cope with the aftermath.’

‘So, it’s not my fault! It’s not!’ Kili cries out. 

‘What happened here, brother, IS your fault, mostly. While I should have known better than to trust those men, I must admit my bad decision to allow you to partake in their wares was a mistake and a bad one. I have to accept my own culpability in this whole sordid mess. However, you happily drank their whiskey. I did not want to spoil your fun so I left you all be after the first few drinks. What they said or what happened to insight your subsequent wrath towards me, I do not know, but neither I nor those men are to blame for what you did afterwards. Your actions are yours and yours alone, brother.’ 

Oin looks over at Gloin, and Balin glances towards Dwalin, both older dwarves know how hard it is to stand by and let your little brother take the cold, hard brunt of reality, but it is necessary if those little brothers are to ever grow and mature into adults. Thorin’s eyes mist over as he thinks of his own younger brother, dead on the field of battle. Thorin had not prevented his little brother from joining the fight. Thorin ponders how Mahal could have offered such little guidance to him when dealing with his brother. Or he wonders, worried at the realization, could he have just been blind to Mahal’s wisdom and guidance all those years ago to the present? He shudders at that thought.


	14. A restive and restorative morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin ponders what to do. Kili decides there is only one thing for him to do.

Kili’s mouth opens and closes like that of a gaffed fish. His brother has never NOT taken up for him, has never NOT soothed his fears, has never NOT nursed his hurts. And his uncle has never NOT given reassurances and even praise in that deep rumbling voice for the most paltry of efforts on his part or the most outrageous behavior. What on this good green earth has caused this shift, he wonders, utterly lost. Nothing is what it was just yesterday. 

Kili’s face crumples and he sags to the floor, sobs heaving from his hunched frame. None of the dwarves go to him, not one. They let him cry. He needs to work out in his own mind and accept what he has done and more importantly pin point why he had done it. None of them could begin to formulate a possible motive or motives that the dark haired prince would have, real or imagined, to drive him to whip, burn, cut, rape, and piss on his brother. No amount of drink can mitigate the fact that he DID all those things, and to his own brother, his self- appointed protector and shield since infancy! 

WHY?! WHY?! How could he? What am I to do with him now? All these thoughts circle and ping around in Thorin’s brain. What will I do about Fili? About Dis and her deception? The dwarf king has yet to really begin to get his mind wrapped around the circumstances of Fili’s conception and for that matter, the truth of Frorin’s heritage, and subsequently, Fili’s. Fuck and double fuck, HE needs a drink of some Mahal-damned whiskey just to slow down the thoughts swirling through his head. Thorin has had much more than his fair share of shit situations to deal with in his lifetime, but all this at once is taxing his mental and emotional capacity. 

Damn it all, Thorin comes to a swift decision of what is need to be done RIGHT now. ‘We must hunt if we want to eat. There are a few food stock items here, but we need meat to supplement it. Fili is in no condition to travel and will not be for several days, I fear. Dwalin, you and Gloin gather Kili’s bow and quiver of arrows and the snares. We will leave in ten minutes.’

‘I am NOT leaving him here with…that.’ Dwalin states coldly, his eyes cut to Kili to emphasize to whom he is referring. 

‘I have no such intention, either.’ Thorin snaps back just as coldly. 

‘You cannot mean to have the lad join us?’ Gloin asks, quite surprised. 

‘No, Mahal’s tits, no!’ Thorin and Dwalin bark together, in unison. The fact that they said the exact same words, at the exact same time in response to Gloin’s question, makes the old friends share a small smile. They do normally think like in most situations. Thorin shakes his dark head, ‘No, Balin and Oin will stay here to supervise Kili and care for Fili.’ 

‘I do not need caring for, uncle. I can travel.’ Fili answers, and he struggles to rise to his feet. The effort is beyond him, though and he falls heavily onto one knee. Dwalin is by his side in an instant. 

‘You are in NO state to travel, laddie.’ He says in a normal voice and then lowers it to whisper into the blonde’s ear. ‘I will stay with you if you wish, love.’

Fili gives his lover an appreciative, albeit watery smile. ‘As much as I would like for you to do just that. Truly, I relish the idea. But no, I think it is best for you to go with Thorin and Gloin. I will be rested and restored when you get back.’ 

Dwalin smiles gently at his blonde lover and mindful of the lad’s injuries, helps him get to his wobbly feet. Dwalin helps Fili slide back down onto the pallet and covers him with a blanket, tucking and fussing it around the smaller dwarf. Satisfied, the warrior presses a tender kiss to the corner of Fili’s mouth as the blonde is prone to keep any pressure off of his injured back. Balin cannot help but chuckle at the sight of Dwalin, the largest and undoubtedly best warrior in the Blue Mountains, being such a mother hen. It is very unlike his burly brother, but Fili brings out something in Dwalin that no other ever has. Balin smiles at the pair and the love and comfort they so obviously give to each other. 

‘Are you quite sure that your little chick is settled in his nest?’ Thorin asks but there is humor in his voice. Dwalin’s head snaps up, but when he sees the smile curling Thorin’s lips slightly, he relaxes. So, Thorin must not be too upset at the idea of his best warrior bedding his nephew, after all. 

Then, as if Thorin could have actually read Dwalin’s mind, he says, ‘Not that I LIKE the fact that you…spend time with my heir, but it is quite plain that you two care deeply for each other. As long as Fili understands that he is to produce heirs of his own one day, I see no reason for you not to enjoy each other’s… companionship.’ 

Dwalin bows his head in agreement with Thorin’s words. ‘Aye, I don’t believe that will be a problem. The lasses quite fancy him, as you well know.’ During the somewhat jovial exchange between the two long-time friends, they fail catch the sudden change in Kili’s body language. No longer crying, the brunet heir’s body is rigid with anger, and he is seething. How could they laugh and joke? Can’t they see the pain he is in? No, they can see, they just don’t care about him. They all hate him now. What does he have to live for?

‘Let’s get to it. My belly thinks my throat’s been cut.’ Gloin gripes. Thorin, Dwalin, and the grumbling Gloin gather the equipment for making snares and Kili’s bow and arrows, and the three troop out of the door into the bright sunshine. 

Balin and Oin watch their brothers leave with their king, their cousin. They too have missed the tell-tale signs of Kili’s rapidly shifting moods from sorrow to anger and resentment to hopeless despair. They do not see him uncurl himself to lift his head and peer around the cabin, eyes sweeping the room for something with focused intent. 

Balin busies himself with searching the cupboards to catalog the food stocks and cutlery found there in preparation for the hunting trio’s return. Oin pulls up a chair next to the pallet that holds the sleeping Fili to unroll more bandages because he knows the lad will need a dressing change in the coming hours. So both older dwarves are surprised when the dark haired prince, after finally visually locating the object he sought, a knife that Balin has lain upon the counter, leaps to his feet and lunges for the knife. 

Balin’s warrior instincts kick in at the swift movement he catches in his peripheral view. He whirls with a speed than defies his age, but Kili is young and very, very quick and agile. The lad avoids the white haired dwarf to capture his goal, the knife. Oin is concerned that Kili will attack Balin, Fili, or himself. But nothing is further from the young dwarf’s mind. His intent is to secure the knife, yes, but not to inflict injury on another. He wants to put an end to his pain, confusion, and frustration permanently.


	15. Dangerous & deadly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Balin & Oin deal with Kili impulsive actions. Fili asks his brother why

Oin had leaped to his feet when he saw Kili snatch the knife from the counter and had positioned himself between the wild-eyed lad and his sleeping brother, ready to keep Kili from attacking Fili again. However, Oin is stunned to see Kili drag the blade across his own throat instead. Balin is on the dark haired dwarf in an instant to stay the lad’s hand from plunging the knife into his neck further.

The white haired elder dwarf may be short in stature, but he has ample strength to yank the blade from Kili’s hand, now covered in his own blood. Oin recovers enough from his shock to grab several of the bandages he had been preparing for Fili’s dressing change to staunch the bleeding. Oin and Balin share a concerned quick look over Kili’s head as he slumps to the floor. Good gods, what else will happen now?! 

Fervently hoping that the foolish young lad had not cut himself too deeply, Oin lifts the bandage to check the wound. The old healer huffs out a relieved breath. The neck wound is superficial as he had suspected, thank Mahal, but really, Kili seems so unhinged at the moment, the lad is capable of anything. 

Balin sees the relief wash over Oin’s concerned face, and he releases a breath he had not realized he had been holding. The king’s oldest advisor inhales deeply in irritation. What kind of idiot tries to cut his own throat? Killing oneself with a blade usually requires one to secure the blade firmly onto something and then throwing oneself on it. 

‘What in the name of Mahal did you think you were doing, lad?’ 

Kili blinks up blearily into his older cousin’s face as he is confused by Balin’s chiding tone. Does the old advisor not know that he is dying, that he wants to die?

‘Only way to kill yourself with a knife is to fall on it, lad.’ Oin offers unhelpfully. 

‘Really, Oin? Do we want to give the lad INSTUCTION on how to off himself? Thorin would have our heads if anything happened to him.’

Kili snorts at that comment. His uncle is assuredly planning his execution this very moment. ‘Once they return, uncle will have MY head. I thought I’d save him the bother.’ He mumbles miserably. 

‘Oh lad, your uncle could never hurt you. You know that. He has never punished you like he has Fili over the years.’ Balin sighs, a bit impatiently. Kili has had to notice the stark difference with which his uncle treats him versus his blonde brother. At Kili’s confused expression, Balin realizes with a start, that no, in fact, Thorin’s dark haired nephew has never considered or has ever given it a second thought the way Thorin treats his blonde nephew. Mahal’s flaming tits, idiot indeed! 

Kili hangs his head at the thought of Thorin punishing Fili. He remembers the times when he had outright lied to his mother or Thorin to evade such punishment, a few times even letting Fili assume the responsibility for his own infractions. And he had repaid his brother loyalty and fierce protection of him by taking out his…what on Fili? What had made him take a dagger and cut his brother? Burn him with the red hot fire poker? 

Before Kili can continue to sort out his thoughts and feelings, Fili stirs on the pallet. When his eyes crack open, and he sees the blood on Kili, Balin, and Oin, their blooded hands, and the bandages pressed to his brother’s neck, the blonde lurches himself upright. 

‘What the hell do you think you are doing?’ he all but screams at the two older dwarves. ‘Did you hurt him?’ Fili demands in a cold tone. Somehow the blonde has gotten to his feet, albeit unsteadily, but he moves toward the trio regardlessly. 

‘Kili, did they…cut you?’ 

‘No!’ Kili barks angrily. ‘No, I wanted to hurt myself…I hurt you and I know that you will never forgive me for it. Uncle either….so I wanted to…I wanted to stop the pain from Uncle rejecting me.’ The young dwarf is not used to thinking his emotions through much less trying to articulate them to someone else. He was not sure exactly what he had wanted to accomplish aside from ending the confusion and pain of rejection from his uncle and elder cousins. 

‘You cut yourself because you were afraid of being rejected?’ 

Fili looks steadily into his brother’s brown eyes. When Kili nods his head numbly, Fili sighs and speculates, ‘Is that why you tied me? I rejected your idea of drinking with those men? Then when I rejected your…suggestion, you cut me?’ 

Kili’s eyes blow wide with panic, and he tries to bolt away from Balin and Oin, but they hold him fast. He is not used to dealing with the roiling thoughts and the corresponding emotions flooding through his heart and veins. 

He is used to blocking the hurtful, painful emotions caused by his feelings of insecurity, of enduring rejection or ridicule and then by lashing out at others to unleash and misdirect those negative feelings onto them. It did not help that his mother and uncle laughed away the resulting misdeeds. He would throw an infant-like tantrum or turn his blindingly, charming smile on his elders to make the situation GO AWAY, but this…what he did, would not just go away. Fili and certainly Dwalin, would not let it. The realization leaves the brunet feeling ice cold. 

Kili ducks his head as his brother reaches a hand out to him. Kili fully expects Fili to strike him. It is what he would do, after all if their positions were reversed. Kili is surprised when Fili firmly rests his hand on his shoulder, instead.

‘Brother, I need to understand why. I can’t begin to forgive you until I know why. What did I do? What do you think I did to deserve what you did to me?’ Fili is crying now. He had long been used the harsh punishments Thorin could so seemingly uncaringly dish out, but his little brother attacking him? He could not fathom what he had done. 

Kili’s mouth works frantically but no sound comes out. He does NOT know why really. He has never considered why he had ever done anything. It’s not like he thinks much, if at all, BEFORE he acts in the first place; therefore, he certainly does not do a post event analysis of his thoughts and feeling that provoked him to lash out. 

‘I don’t know.’ He moans, tearful as Fili is now. 

‘You don’t know?’ His blonde brother echoes back. Fili fights the urge to console his younger brother, to wipe away his tears and tell him all is forgiven, but he realizes if he continues to allow Kili to escape the consequences of his actions like he, Thorin, and their mother have in the past, the young dark haired dwarf will NEVER learn, he will never grow up. He will remain in a suspended dwarflinghood and never mature into the dwarf he is capable of becoming. He will remain as impulsive, reckless, unempathic to others, and out of control as a young dwarfling emotionally, but physically, he is has close to a full grown, dwarven warrior. He is incredibly dangerous and deadly to himself and others. 

‘Really, Kili?’ You better think long and hard about it out then and figure it out. Because if you take the tact that you don’t know why, you will never accept the reality of what you did. And do you know what that means?’ Fili asks coldly..

Kili gives a tiny shake of his head. Fili continues, pulling his hand away from his brother’s shoulder. ‘That means, you and I are brothers no longer.’ He says simply and turns his back on the other young dwarf.


	16. Choices and the bait taken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin, Dwalin, & Gloin find game to stalk. Balin & Oin keep Kili from his.

The three battle-hardened dwarven warriors work in silent companionability and with assured efficiency with the small game snares. After several snares are set, and the cousins turn to following four sets of deer tracks they had come across while setting their snares. Stalking deer takes a tremendous amount of patience, stealth, and agility along with uncommon accuracy with a bow. Not exactly a combination of skills that any of the trio present is particularly blessed. Thorin sighs heavily, he knows Kili has just that skill set. He knows that the lad prides himself and has proven himself to be very skilled in stalking and ambushing prey. 

The dwarven king shivers violently when the thought crosses his mind at the possibility that his dark haired nephew could have planned the attack on his blonde brother. No, he will not venture down that thought path unless he has unimpeachable proof. A hard tap on his shoulder rouses him out of his dark thoughts and back to the present. Dwalin nods with his head to indicate the clearing up ahead where four deer can be seen through the trees as they forage the forest floor for acorns. 

Thorin notches an arrow and purses his lips in thought as to which deer he should target. The small deer herd consists of a large doe, the matriarch, with her two adolescent fawns, and one, smaller bodied doe that is probably the matriarch’s fawn from the prior year. Which one should he take- the older doe or the younger doe? He does not consider shooting either of the juvenile deer, but should he take the older doe, he presumes is the mother of the almost grown fawns or the younger, smaller fully grown doe? He does not like the choice the situation offers him, but unfortunately, he has a great deal of experience with making just such unpleasant choices. 

As king, Thorin knows that he has been and will be called on again to make a decision, usually based on incomplete information in a particular moment which services the highest priorities at that specific moment. Sometimes he is faced with the lesser of two evils, and he must decide the one that offers the least damage to the least number. Thorin draws back, inhales smoothly, once, twice, thrice, and releases his breath and his arrow simultaneously. The other three deer bolt as the arrow plunges deeply into the thorax of his intended target, and that deer drops to the ground. 

Gloin frowns slightly. It is not the deer he would have shot, but he shrugs his shoulders, what does it matter really? They will have meat to eat and plenty of it. The red haired dwarf unsheathes his large hunting knife as he follows his bald cousin striding to the fallen deer untwining a length of rope as he goes. The three dwarves go about field dressing the deer quickly. 

They are all anxious to get back to the cabin to eat. Dwalin is anxious to get back to Fili. Thorin is not looking forward the task ahead of him back at the cabin. He must determine as best he can the motivation behind Kili’s actions, and then face the far worse task of determining a fit punishment for the dark haired lad. At least they will not be hungry on top of everything else. 

 

Balin and Oin are ready for Kili’s action this time. When the blonde brother had spoken so coldly to his brunet brother and had turned his back on him, the younger brother morphs from a wide-eyed, terrified dwarfling into a narrowed eyed, enraged dwarven assassin in an instant. The two older dwarves with their own eyes hard and steely move in between the dark haired brother and the blonde. Kili does not even see them as he begins to move without a whisper of a sound toward his brother, his eyes locked on the blonde’s back, his blindside. 

It is only when Balin’s hand firmly presses against Kili’s chest, and he pushes the youth back roughly, that Kili seems to remember that there is anyone else in the room aside from his prey. He is startled to find the hard, blank look in Balin’s eyes. Kili cannot ever remember seeing that flat, reptilian look in old Balin’s eyes before. Nor Oin’s for that matter. Kili does not know it, but that is the expression any experienced warrior will find on his features when facing an enemy with deadly intent. 

Blinking into his uncle’s oldest and most trusted advisor’s unflinching expression, Kili’s rage bleeds away over three long heartbeats. He looks back to see that his brother had turned at the sound of Kili’s feet shuffle as he was shoved back on his heels by Balin. Fili’s face crumbles in sorrow. He knows that Kili had taken the bait and had moved against him when he had presented his unprotected back to his brunet brother. His brother had been moving to hurt him AGAIN. 

The knowledge crushes Fili, and he sinks back down on the pallet to cry softly. The blonde begins to think that there must be some reason, some failing on his part that causes his entire immediate family to hate him so. What other explanation can there be?


	17. Dysfunctional Relationships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin is distracted by Kili's actions, again.

While Thorin, Dwalin, and Gloin return from the hunt with the deer carcass, the cousins are all in subdued moods. Thorin ponders the best way to approach disciplining his youngest nephew, Dwalin frets over the state of his young lover’s physical health, and Gloin wonders if he will face any similar trials of drunken, aggressive behavior with his own son, Gimli. 

When the three dwarves stomp back into the small cabin, the first thing they notice is that both sons of Dis have tear-streaked faces. Thorin rushes to the younger brother, the brunet is hunched over, sullenly glaring from Balin to Oin. It takes Dwalin only two quick strides to gather the sagging form of the elder brother into his arms. Fili is also hunched over, but his eyes are downcast, staring morosely down at his hands. 

When the dwarf king sees the bloodied bandages on Kili’s nect, he whirls to confront the blonde dwarf and then the two white-haired dwarves in turn. 

‘By Mahal’s beard, if you hurt him without my leave…’

‘He did this to himself, Thorin.’ Balin snaps irritated.

‘It looks much worse than it actually is, really, just a very superficial cut along his neck. ’ Oin adds quietly. 

‘You tried to cut your own throat, lad?’ Thorin croaked in dismay. ‘You tried to kill yourself?’ 

‘Not really, Thorin.’ Oin states matter-of-factly. ‘It should be seen for what is it, an attempt to deflect attention from himself and what he had done, rather than an actual suicide attempt. The lad knows that the chances of successfully cutting one’s throat sufficiently to kill oneself is almost nil.’ The old healer sniffs at the idea that the dark haired dwarf had actually wanted to hurt himself, much less kill himself. The youth had just wanted to get out of trouble, again. Nothing would deflect and distract his uncle’s wrath like being wounded himself, Oin thinks. The lad, normally so charming and fun-loving, has proven to be extremely cunning and manipulative when necessary. Thorin has to be able to see that, right? 

‘I sincerely doubt that, Oin.’ Thorin replys coldly. The other four dwarf cousins, all with the expection of Fili, glance around at each other. Dwalin rolls his eyes, but says nothing as he is far more concerned with the deflated and defeated state of the blonde in his arms. 

Gloin stiffens as he hears the cold tone of Thorin’s voice, and it enrages him that his cousin would speak so disrespectfully to his very experienced healer brother especially when his brother is so obviously right, and his cousin is so obviously blind when it comes to his dark haired nephew’s actions. In Thorin’s eyes Kili is rarely, if ever, at fault. Well, Thorin is or at least has been just as blind when it comes to his blonde sister-son, too. Just, in the exact inverse way. Fili can do no right in his uncle’s eyes. Gloin shakes his head sadly as the irony. 

Balin coughs loudly, clearing his throat and stands. He turns to face Thorin and Kili as if to make a long speech. ‘You are NOT that stupid, Thorin. And neither is he.’ The old dwarf says simply, staring levelly at the pair. 

Both raven haired sons of Durin, uncle and nephew’s eyebrows lower menacingly, like a sky darkening with thunderclouds, at the white haired advisor. To his credit, Balin only snorts at their unspoken threat. 

‘You took one look at his bandaged, but basically uninjured neck and all thoughts of punishing him for the vile things and truly horrific injuries he inflicted on your OTHER nephew disappear? You, Thorin, are not a simpleton and a village idiot could see through that ruse. And Kili, I don’t know for sure if you even KNOW what you doing, and you most assuredly do not seem to know WHY, but you will start figuring it out today.’ Balin crosses his arms over his chest. 

‘Aye!’ the sons of Groin agree loudly in unison. Balin’s brother nods firmly, glaring daggers at Kili and Thorin, smoothing Fili’s hair gently back from the blonde’s forehead. Dwalin whole-heartedly concurs with his brother’s assessment that the time has come to put an end to the façade that all is well with the familial relationships between the four heirs of Durin, Thorin, his sister Dis, and her sons, Fili, and Kili. The dysfunctional relationships will have to be confronted and acknowledged before ultimately, they can be overcome.


	18. Do not throw this chance away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin and Kili come to a turning point. One road leads to forgiveness and healing, the other does not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the end as there are many up and downs when dealing with past hurts, but one must start somewhere and the first step is acknowledgement of one's own miscreant behaviour no matter how painfully it is.

Thorin is beyond shocked as he stares at his cousins, lips compressed together to the point that they could not be seen. They DARE to speak to him, their KING, with such disrespect?! It is outrageous! 

‘How dare you, I am YOUR KING!’ he roars as he stands to his full height which towers above Balin. Kili, who had been hunched at his uncle’s side when they were both on the floor, cringes down at very loud, very low bellow from Thorin, but he smirks at the short, white-haired dwarf. He will get his now, the young dwarf thinks smugly. His blonde brother, who is still in Dwalin’s arms, curls himself in a tighter ball, making himself as small as possible, in an attempt to shrink even further into the large warrior’s embrace and hopefully disappear entirely. 

Balin narrows his eyes at his dark haired cousin and spits, ‘Please, Thorin. I am speaking to you as your COUSIN, your advisor, and your friend.’ The last word is spoken in a breathy, gentle tone, the white haired dwarf trying to convey to his king, his cousin, his friend that he does NOT want to disrespect Thorin’s authority and position, but he cannot let this behavior continue. The sons of Dis need his attitude and behavior to CHANGE. This day, this every moment. 

‘Look at them, cousin. Please. Just look at them.’ Balin says, pointing to both the quaking blonde and the smirking brunet princes. ‘Kili seems to be enjoying the fact that he thinks you have turned your wrath on me. How can you let him get away with that?’ Both sons of Groin ease a step closer to their white-haired cousin in silent support in case Balin is correct. Dwalin stays where he is at, but his low brows pull together even more to glower at both Thorin and his dark haired nephew. 

‘And Fili…can you even see him? He seems to be trying to hide from YOU. Your own sister-son, your HEIR, is terrified of YOU. And he has EVERY right to be from your treatment of him over the years and now? He is equally terrified of his own brother, Kili. Have you forgotten about that?’ 

Thorin’s eyes dart from glaring with dangerous, furious intent at Balin, to first Kili and then to Fili or at least, what he can see of Fili. He is shocked again at what he finds in the face and body language of each. Balin is indeed, right. Kili has that familiar, cocky, smug look on his handsome face. He does seem happy at the thought of Thorin going after his smaller, older cousin. 

And Fili? He is shaking, hidden in Dwalin’s strong arms, face pressed against the warrior’s large chest. He is scared, beyond scared actually. Of him? Axes and swords, but Balin is correct Thorin thinks bitterly, a very sour taste coming suddenly to his mouth. This is the way is has always been? Since Fili was born? Great balls of shit!

Thorin breathes in slowly, drawing in deep gulps of air. He must calm down to accurately assess the situation, but he can see the truth in Balin’s words. Just as his cousin was right about Frorin, as he is right about most things. The old advisor is very good at analyzing things for what they are. How in the world can Thorin make it right? Can he even begin to fix the problems his willfully blindness has caused both nephews? 

‘What do I do?’ the king asks in a soft, pleading voice. The pain at the thought that Fili is afraid of him with just cause falls on Thorin like a ton of stone. That along with the knowledge that his lack of any kind of correction or discipline in regards to his youngest sister-son has left the lad incapable of emotional maturity and as a result is a very real danger to himself and others, brings the mighty Thorin Oakenshield, hero of the Battle of Moria, shuddering to his knees. 

It is not Balin who answers, but Oin. ‘First we will prepare the deer to eat and get the meat roasting.’ The old healer says firmly. ‘While Gloin and Balin do that, you and I will redress Fili’s wounds. Dwalin will hold him steady as it will not be a pain-free nor a pleasant task. And him…’ Oin pauses to regard Kili steadily. ‘He will assist me so he can get a good look at his handiwork on his brother’s back and the pain it is causing him. If that does not start the lad on the road to feeling SOME empathy for Fili, I would think him a lost cause.’ Oin finishes sadly.

‘He is NOT a lost cause.’ The voice is weak, but the words are uttered with certainity. Kili is stunned to hear his brother, the one he attacked days ago, the one he had only a bit earlier been so enraged with, he had made ANOTHER advance on him, only to be stopped thankfully, by Balin. 

Kili feels shame and remorse flood his body. It seems like he will drown in the emotions. For a brief instant, Kili’s mind tries to resort to his typical response to such emotions, to push them away and NOT deal with them. But this time, he chooses to let the shame, the guilt, the pain wash over him and pool in his brain. I did this the brunet forces himself to think. I DID horrible things to him, but he is NOT giving up on me. Not yet, anyway. 

Kili raises unsteadily to his feet, the weight of grief and shame burning his insides, soon to turn his very soul into ash it would seem, but he keeps the mantra in his head, I did this and I have to TRY to make it right. I CANNOT push it away, not anymore. 

When he approaches his blonde brother, Dwalin actually bares his teeth at the young dark haired dwarf. Kili looks unwaveringly into the warrior’s snarling face, but he does not back down. ‘I want to help…I need to help if I can begin to gain his forgiveness.’ 

It is Dwalin’s turn to be gob-smacked. Thorin AND Kili are taking responsibility for their actions? Thorin is admitting he needs help? And Kili, he is not only assuming the blame, but trying to make amends? Well, Dwalin would have not thought the young prince capable of it. Dwalin covers his teeth with his lips, but he continues to watch Kili very carefully with very plain intent. The bald dwarf’s face conveys a silent promise: one, ONE, wrong move on the brunet’s part, and the large warrior will crush him. Thorin and Dis be damned. 

‘Fili…brother?’ Kili chokes on the word. He rallies and tries again in a firmer voice. ‘Brother, I am so sorry.’ Bowing his head with the pain from his shame, the young dwarf continues regardlessly, ‘ I know I don’t deserve it…. but I swear, I SWEAR, I will do better, I will be better. I will NEVER hurt you again.’ He whispers. 

Kili thinks his heart will shatter if Fili rejects him now, but honestly, would he be willing to forgive his brother if their positions were reversed? No, he realizes with a gasp. If Fili had ever hurt him even slightly, he would have never let it go. EVER. Oh Mahal, please…. He prays silently, head ducked to his chin. 

‘Brother, we, both may have a long, difficult road ahead of us to get… better.’ Fili answers. Kili’s head snaps up to make eye contact with his brother. The blonde’s head is still tucked under Dwalin’s chin, but Kili can see one blue eye looking back at him. ‘But we will travel it together.’ 

‘Oh Fili! Brother!’ Kili cries and then the roiling emotions are too much for him, and he collapses into a sobbing heap by Dwalin and his brother. Pure relief and thankfulness at his brother’s generous spirit added to the crushing weight of shame and guilt overwhelm the dark haired prince. His brother has not given up on him, Thank Mahal, he thinks.

Once Kili’s sobs subside, a deep rumble from Dwalin, jolts him, ‘Do NOT throw away this chance, lad. It is the last one you will ever be granted.’ The words and their meaning are simple, but very clear, painfully clear. Kili gulps loudly but nods his head firmly once to let Dwalin know that the message has been received and understood.


	19. Jealous?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili helps Oin and Thorin redress Fili's wounds, and he gives a glimpse of what caused him to act in the manner he did.

As Balin and Gloin butcher the deer carcass and get several cuts of meat roasting and a stew in a large pot over the fire, Dwalin continues to rock and hum a low, rumbling lullaby to Fili. The blonde has refused the dose of poppy milk offered up to him. Thorin's heir knows he needs to have full control of his emotions and mind to participate fully in the upcoming revelation about how had transpired within these log walls. 

Oin approaches the pair, so polar opposites in many ways. Both are fierce warriors in their own right, but they differ drastically in temperament and physical appearance. Fili, small, lithe, fair, and blonde always with his temper firmly under control and a mask of emotionlessness on his face, much more likely to come to a diplomatic resolution than engage in physical violence.

Then there is Dwalin, who is so very different. Tall and thickly muscled, black haired and swarthy skin tone telling of his Blacklock heritage, the large warrior wears his emotions on his sleeve. There is no doubt what Dwalin is thinking, ever, and as Thorin found out yesterday, Dwalin has no qualms about using his fists to make a point even to his friend and king. 

Oin sighs heavily. The old healer ruminates that it will take all the dwarves present to prevent Dwalin from ripping Kili apart limb by limb once the lad starts confessing his crimes committed against his blonde brother. Oin believes the arrogant dark haired youth needs to be punished and severely for his actions, but the almost deaf dwarf does not want to see the lad beaten bloody and his tattooed cousin is completely capable of doing just that. 

Oin heaves another deep breath as he grabs his pack, and he nudges Kili to assist him in carefully laying out the clean bandages, the balms and salve needed for the dressing change of Fili’s back. The healer has the fine, cat gut line and small curved silver needle and needle driver resterilized in case he will have to replace some of the stitches holding Fili’s wounds together. 

For his part, Dwalin continues to hum to the blonde, but the scowl on his face deepens as he watches Oin’s meticulous preparation. The large warrior glances over to his own brother, the short white haired dwarf busily roasting the vension and stirring the bubbling barley stew over the fire. Dwalin cannot fathom taking a dagger or whip to his brother’s back. His eyes cut back to the dark haired youth as he crouches next to Oin, helping with the careful set up of supplies. When Oin’s eyes met the tattooed dwarf’s and gives a short nod, Dwalin knows it is time, and his heart clenches as he anticipates the pain the dressing change process will cause his young lover.

Oin loudly clears his throat to get Thorin’s attention as the dwarf king puffs on his pipe, leaning against the door frame, staring forlornly out into the afternoon sunshine. Pushing away from the threshold, Thorin moves over to where Oin and Kili are kneeling, and he slowly lowers himself down beside them. 

Dwalin has a tight grimace on his face as he hoists himself up from the floor with Fili in his arms as gently as he can. He takes the two steps back to the chair next the fire and sinks down into the seat bringing Fili with him so that the blonde is straddling his thighs and the pair is seated facing each other, chest to chest. 

‘Under other circumstances, this would be a good position.’ Fili murmurs, trying to lighten his lover’s grim mood. Thorin rolls his eyes, but says nothing. Dwalin pushes the blanket off of the young blonde’s back revealing the many bandages. 

‘Ok, lad, here we go.’ Oin says softly, and he unwraps the bloodied bandages from around Fili’s torso. Kili gulps and stares down at his hands, the hands that did the damage to his brother’s back. Another wave of guilt crashes down on him, and he feels a shudder run through his entire frame. 

Thorin nudges his youngest nephew’s shoulder. ‘Deep breathes, keep calm for your brother’s sake.’ Kili forces himself to inhale deeply through his nose and to NOT look away. His guts roil violently as Oin peels away the bloody dressings from Fili’s skin, and he watches as his older brother writhes in pain and small whimpers escape from the blonde clinched mouth. 

Gloin silently places a small basin of hot water next to his gray haired brother, and Oin gives his little brother a small smile of thanks. He drips a clean cloth into the water, squeezes it out so that the cloth is just damp and hands it to Kili. 

The dark haired lad just stares in horror at the healer. His uncle slowly reaches past the gaping youth and takes the proffered cloth. Ever so gently, Thorin wipes the blood oozing sluggishly from the stiches in Fili’s back. ‘Easy, lad.’ Thorin whispers to his oldest nephew. 

The dwarf king rinses the cloth and squeezes the excess water out, takes Kili’s hand, and firmly presses the cloth into his sister-son’s palm. Looking levelly at his nephew, Thorin leaves no doubt that Kili is to do the next cleansing swipe across his brother’s back. 

The dark haired son of Dis looks like he may faint, but then he remembers he must make amends. Steeling himself, Kili presses the cloth to his blonde brother’s sliced back a little too firmly and Fili cries out and tries to twist away from Dwalin’s grip. 

‘I’m sorry, Fili. So sorry…’ Kili chokes, and the young dwarf begins to sob. ‘I was so….jealous. I just wanted you to hurt, too. Oh Mahal, I’m sorry!’ 

‘Gently!’ Dwalin hisses angrily all the while attempting to sooth Fili. 

‘Keep going, lad. It must be done.’ Oin instructs neutrally. The old healer glances around to make eye-contact with Balin, Gloin, and Thorin. The three dwarves nod slightly in silent agreement. The sobs and horrified look in Kili’s eyes are good signs. The lad is feeling empathy and remorse for his brother’s pain and injuries. The only thing concerning the older dwarves is that Kili inflicted such hurts upon Fili for what- jealousy? He is jealous of his brother? Mahal’s tits! Why? Can the lad still be that emotional immature?


	20. Terrified, in pain, and lashing out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili gets angry and scared and lashes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello- if you have a complaint about how bad this story is, please by all means, leave a comment, but in doing so, please be specific as to why and what you find to be so terrible. If it simply a matter that you did not like how your favorite Tolkien character is being depicted in this fic, well,too damn bad. Please do NOT comment as I do NOT care nor will it make me change the story line. THere are a shitload of stories out there where I do not like how certain characters are depicted, so be it. In the past, a time or two, I have made the mistake of commenting to the authors to tell them that. They ignored me as they certainly within their rights to do so, and really, it only made me look like the asshole. 
> 
> And please do NOT waste anymore of your time reading a story you find to be the worst ever, frankly life is too damn short and time too damn precious. Thank you!

In Dwalin’s grip, Fili freezes at his brother’s sobs and words. Jealous? Kili is jealous of what honestly? Red hot angry surges through the blonde, and he thinks with vile bile rising in his throat, what the fuck would Kili have to be jealous of him about?! 

Does it not matter at all to the young brunet dwarf that their own mother has almost nothing to do with Fili. She has never tended Fili’s cuts or scrapes nor nursed him through illness like she has with Kili. And then there is the matter of the crushing weight of Thorin’s unrealistic expectations on Fili’s shoulders. The kind of pressure Kili has never even begun to have to deal with. No, fuck no. If anyone has a right to be jealous, it is Fili of Kili and the love showered on him. NOT the fucking other way round.

As Kili pushes the damp cloth too firmly into his wounded back to clean the blood off, Fili cries out in pain and outrage. Now the little shit is hurting him again, and no one is stopping him! His little brother has the gall to actually cry about on top of everything else. 

When Kili finishes with his job of cleaning his brother’s back off, he stands to assist Oin with bandages for redressing the wounds. Fili sees the dark haired dwarf in his peripheral vision, and the smaller dwarf wretches free of Dwalin’s hands to defend himself. No one else will apparently! 

With a savage kick, Fili’s foot lands a blow squarely to his younger brother’s midsection. Kili lets loose a surprised ‘ooph’ while the force of the kick sends him sprawling back away from Fili. 

‘Hey now!’ shouts Thorin at the unexpected quickness and accuracy of Fili’s attack, and without a second thought, he closes in to restrain his blonde nephew. But Fili has the strength born from the combination of the righteous fury at the years of injustice and mistreatment at the hands of his mother and uncle, and the extreme pain and terror of another potential attack coursing through his adrenal system. 

The small dwarf roundhouse punches his uncle on the jaw, the exact same jaw that Dwalin had just a day ago smashed with his huge fist. Ordinarily, Thorin could take a punch without a blink of an eye and keep fighting. But Mahal, first a crashing blow from Dwalin a day ago, and now unfortunately, a very fortuitous punch from an wounded but adrenalin and terror crazed, highly trained warrior on the same said jaw? Nope not today, Thorin goes down like a pile of stone. 

‘Stay AWAY from me!’ Fili fairly shrieks. ‘Why can’t I EVER matter to you!’ The blonde screams at his uncle prostrate form on the floor. ‘ANY of you?!’ He turns wild-eyed to the rest of the stunned dwarves. 

‘Now, lad..’Dwalin begins in a soothing tone, reaching out for Fili, but the blonde cuts him off. ‘Do you love me or just love fucking me?’ the blonde spits the accusation. 

The large warrior snaps his head and hand back as if Fili had just backhanded him. Hurt and confusion burns in his face. ‘Why…’ is all he can choke out at first, but Dwalin has taken a fair number of punches both physical and emotional in his time, and pulls himself up to his full height and tries again. ‘Why would you ever even think such a thing, lad?’ he says in a firmer voice. ‘Have I EVER done ANYTHING to give you that idea?’ 

His small lover, the dwarf he is bonded to, does not answer, just cuts his eyes to where his brother lays supine on the floor and looks back to Dwalin. As the adrenalin drains from his system, Fili’s mind clears slightly. The hurt in Dwalin’s eyes and his voice tears the young blonde’s heart, and he shakes his head just once at his lover before dropping his head and eyes to stare at the floor. He thinks to himself that he has just turned on the only person who has always been there for him. Dwalin will probably hate him now. 

Dwalin eases closer to Fili. ‘Lad?’ Never has Dwalin been so thankful as when Fili raises his head to make eye contact with him, and the tall dwarf sees remorse and sorrow in the youth’s expression. 

‘I’m sorry, so sorry…’ Fili whispers, tears falling from his eyes. Dwalin strides forward, sweeps the lad into his arms again, and cradles him to his chest. The fearsome dwarven warrior hushes the smaller dwarf. 

‘Nothing, NOTHING, matters to me more than you. You have to know that, yeah?’ Dwalin asks, his gruff voice even more so as it is thick with emotion and unshed tears. 

‘Yeah, I mean, YES, of course, I know that…’ Fili answers, his voice muffled into Dwalin’s tunic. 

Kili gulps audibly but stands, and looks Dwalin directly in the eye.

‘I may have… put that idea into his head.’ The dark haired youth says shakily as his gaze shifts from Dwalin’s swiftly darkening eyes to the blonde hair of his brother’s head and then back again. Dwalin says nothing, but his eyes actually glitter and spark with anger. Kili just nods once firmly and casts his own eyes downward. Shit, Dwalin really IS going to kill him the youth thinks sadly, maybe not right now or even today, but one day…probably. 

Thorin’s loud groan of pain, pulls all the dwarves’ attention back to the fallen king.

‘By my fucking beard…’ the dwarf king mutters thickly in a decidedly unkingly way. 

‘How is your jaw, Thorin?’ Oin asks finally spurred in action by Thorin’s words. Oh Mahal, let’s hope that blow did NOT break the king’s jaw, his jaw bone that has already been compromised by Dwalin’s punch the day before. 

‘It hurts, you imbecile!’ Thorin snaps. 

‘Hey!’ Gloin snaps backs, his anger rising with Thorin’s insult to his brother’s intellect. 

‘Peace…peace. Oin, I am sorry. I have no excuse for lashing out at you except I am in pain.’ 

‘Well cousin, for someone who is so unaccustomed to making apologies as it has to have been several decades since I’ve seen you do it, that was a good apology-both to Fili earlier and to Oin. Well done. Never really knew you had it in you. ’ Balin beams at Thorin. 

‘Don’t get used to it, Balin.’ Thorin snorts, ruefully rubbing his painful jaw. ‘But I think it is high time I get back into the practice of it. I think I will be doing more often in the future.’ The dwarf king looks sadly at his eldest sister son. The lad had assumed Thorin was going to hurt him when he had moved to keep Fili from kicking out again. Thorin grimaces as he remembers, honestly, thinking back over the decades as he had always been very swift and harsh in doling out punishment to Fili. The lad’s mother had certainly never spoke up in his defense nor nursed the resulting hurts. Shit, no wonder the youth was terrified of Thorin and felt that no one would protect him.


	21. Kili begins his allocution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili starts on the tale of the events of the afternoon he and Fili arrived at the cabin. Dwalin and Fili have something to answer for as well.

The mouth-watering smell of the roasting venison fills the small cabin, and Balin hums softly as he stirs the bubbling stew before dishing it up into bowls. Gloin removes the meat from over the fire and takes to slicing it for the occupants of the cabin, and Thorin passes the steaming plates and bowls round. 

Oin had just finished with placing a few sutures in Fili’s back where the blonde’s thrashing and flailing about had ripped open some of his stitches. Dwalin settles back against the wall, propped up in a semi-sitting position, with the exhausted blonde leaning against his chest, breathing heavily. Fili had refused the poppy milk again so he could eat and so he could participate in the interrogation of Kili that will surely follow the meal. 

The delicious meal is eaten in stony silence with all eyes fixed on the plates before them as the dwarves are aware of the tension in the air. Dwalin hand feeds himself and Fili some bites of venison as Gloin has precut their meat into very small pieces. Again, Balin smiles quietly to himself at the sight of his fearsome brother hand feeding the small blonde propped against his chest. Balin catches Thorin with the hint of a smile on his face as well as the king glances over at the pair. Well, who says miracles are figments of one’s imagination? Balin thinks. 

Kili can barely choke down any food. He knows what he will have to face once the meal is done. He will have to give voice to what he did and why. The dark haired youth tries to sort out his thoughts and feelings to the why, not an easy task as he is completely unfamiliar with that particular exercise. The young dwarf tries to not let the what he did make him nauseous. 

Thorin gathers the now empty plates. He is not able to eat as much as he would have liked due to the soreness of his jaw and the roiling in his gut at the impending task of hearing Kili’s allocution. The other dwarves move to sit cross legged on the floor next to the pallet holding Dwalin and Fili. Balin sits immediately to Dwalin’s left, Thorin seats himself next to the white haired advisor, and the sons of Groin sit side by side on the right side of the pallet. The dwarves form a semi-circle facing Kili who stands and literally shakes with emotion. 

Thorin clears his throat to speak, but Kili cuts him off, ‘I know I was wrong to do what I did…I had no right, no justification to the actions I took. I accept whatever punishment you deem necessary, even death.’ With that the young dwarf sits down with his head hanging. 

‘Be that as it may, we still need you to SAY what you did and WHY.’ The dwarf kings says in a low voice. Thorin’s heart rips at the sight of the pained and horrified expression on his youngest sister-son’s face, but this must be done, so he continues, ‘If we must get the story from your brother, your punishment will be more severe as you will be shown to be a coward in addition to your other crimes.’

Kili looks to the other stern faces, and realizes he will not get out of a full and detailed accounting of the events that transpired on that awful afternoon and night. He slowly climbs back to his feet and begins.

‘We got to the cabin in the early afternoon, Fili and I, just as we had planned. We prepared our equipment and were headed out to set our string of snares in the mid-afternoon so that we could be back before dark. As we were leaving, a pair of men, brothers by the look of them, appeared from behind a tree. I guess they followed us. I don’t know for sure, but they did not appear by chance as they originally alluded.’ 

At the last sentence, Fili raises his head to look questioningly at his brother. ‘I took them as brothers or close kin at least, but why do you say they were not here by chance? They said as much very plainly when they first appeared out of the trees. That they were lost and did we know the way to Erud Luin? We had no reason to distrust them. Well, until they pulled out the bottles of whiskey.’ Fili finishes grimly.

‘No they SAID that they were lost, but they revealed later, once you had gone back into the cabin and I tried the whiskey that they began to explain why they had come to the cabin and what they hoped to accomplish.’

‘What was that, lad?’ Oin asks, genuinely perplexed. 

Kili looks at Dwalin and Fili for a long moment before he continues. ‘Apparently, their sister, a pretty, little blonde maiden, well… maiden no more, it seems. A pretty, little maid from a settlement of men in the Blue Mountains had shared an evening and subsequently a night with a pair of dwarves a few months back, a bald, tattooed one and a shorter, blonde one. According to the men, the maiden was well used by this pair of dwarves and is now with child.’ Kili stares fixedly at the floor with his last words. 

Dwalin and Fili look one part gob-smacked and the other part horrified, but neither moves to deny the accusation of being with a pretty, little blonde maid months ago in that specific settlement, nor the possibility of her being now pregnant. Balin and Thorin both groan and look up at the ceiling as if praying for patience or for Mahal’s mercy. Such is the danger of dallying with females of the race of men, incredibly fertile beings women.


	22. Taking responsibility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili states his mind. Thorin, Dwalin, and the other dwarves agree. Kili reveals the reason for his jealousy of Fili.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The big reveal. Kili is not the monster I have set him up to be. Immature and unable to control his emotions, but not a heartless monster. Read and find out.

Dwalin takes a very deep breath and opens his mouth to speak, but Fili beats him to it. ‘We will return to that settlement and bring the lass back to Ered Luin.’ The blonde dwarf looks wretched, slumped against his lover’s chest, but his voice is calm and firm. 

‘Now, lad, there is no need to be hasty, that lass so NO maiden when we enjoyed her company.’ Dwalin quickly clarifies. Turning to stare at each of the other dwarves in turn, the warrior continues with conviction, ‘We did NOT use her. She came quite willingly, both to our bed AND often under our touch. I remember she had at least three, um...peaks of pleasure during the night, yeah?’ Dwalin tries to catch Fili’s eye, but the blonde heir looks out the window with a thousand yard stare. Kili’s head falls to his chest at Dwalin’s words.

‘Fili?’ Balin asks. 

Without breaking his unblinking stare, Fili answers, ‘Regardless of her state of being a virgin or not when she lay with us, there is the very real possibility that she is now carrying your child or mine. It would seem her own kind are ready to cast her out if she were to deliver a half-bred child. Would you really consider allowing her to suffer on account of OUR actions?’ At these last words, Fili breaks his far away stare to look directly into his uncle’s eyes. 

Thorin’s left eye twitches once, but he does not break eye contact with his oldest nephew. ‘No, we will not, lad.’ The king says solemnly. ‘Let us not make repeat the mistakes made in the past. The lass is welcome to come to Ered Luin IF she wishes and IF the child is either yours or Dwalin’s , he or she will be welcomed into the family.’ 

Balin’s and Oin’s heads snap around so that they can gape open-mouthed at Thorin. Kili’s head rears up in surpise as well. If they had been told three days ago that King Thorin would have reacted to the news that a woman possibly made pregnant by Crown Prince Fili would be allowed to live in Ered Luin, AND the child would be recognized as of the line of Durin, shocks both elder dwarves to their core. 

Frankly, Thorin’s immediate response had surprised himself as well. He had said the words and Mahal be damned, but he MEANT them. His blonde heir and he had not broken the tense stare between them, but Fili does smile slightly and nod in thanks and appreciation to his uncle.

‘Uh…well, that is unprecedented, a woman giving birth to a half dwarven child, at least, from my experience.’ Balin looks to his cousin Oin for confirmation and gets a quick nod of affirmation from the healer. ‘Is it even possible? I know elves have interbred with the race of men, but dwarves…?’

‘Don’t see why not. We dwarves have just not had much, uh… interaction with others outside our own kind.’ Oin answers, shrugging his shoulders. Glaring at his burly cousin, ‘That is until NOW apparently.’ 

Dwalin returns the shrugging shoulder gesture back to his cousin, unconcerned with Oin’s apparent disapproval. ‘The lad here likes the tall, hairless maids and where he goes… well, I go. ‘

Fili blushes fiercely and quickly glances around the room to assess his elders’ reaction to Dwalin’s statement. Squeezing his eyes closed to clear them, the blonde reopens them and explains, ‘It is not that I do NOT like dwarrowdams, I do. I REALLY do, but I was afraid of the consequences of casual dalliances with any of them in Ered Luin or, frankly, in any dwarven community. I AM the crown prince. It would not do to produce an heir out of wedlock. I would NOT subject a child to the condemnation that my father, Frorin, endured. ‘ 

Fili glares at Thorin to challenge his last words, finding none from his uncle, he closes his eyes again and continues, ‘But it seems a very real possibility I did exactly that. I AM sorry. So sorry, uncle. It was beyond reckless and irresponsible to think that I could engage in sexual intercourse with women and NOT risk an unwanted pregnancy. I deserve whatever punishment you deem appropriate.’ 

Finishing what he had to say, the blonde heir slumps back against Dwalin and buries his face in the crook of his large arm, heaving a huge sigh, fatigue and pain finally overwhelming the youth. 

Thorin expels a large breath of his own, loudly through his nose and looks pointedly at Dwalin, ‘Well, it is not like you ventured into this arena on your own, lad.’ 

‘You should try it sometime, Thorin. It’s a lot better than I would have ever believed.’ Dwalin attempts to defend himself, but he knows that as the elder, he should have exercised some restraint with his and Fili’s activities with women. 

‘There is still a lass who is under threat of being cast out of her community because of you.’ All eyes except those of his brother snap around to focus on Kili. ‘A lass, I had… I have feelings for.’ 

Dwalin’s and Thorin’s mouths drop open simultaneously. In other circumstances, it would have been funny, but Kili’s heart clenches at his admission, and he feels wretched, the sight is anything, but funny. 

Fili raises his head to look forlornly at his brother, understanding dawning on the blonde. ‘Oh Kili…is she the one you had spoken about?’ he asks softly. ‘We didn’t know…’

‘You don’t care!’ The brunet snarls. ‘You have to FIGHT off the dwarven lasses, but they don’t spare me a glance. I had met her when I was on a mission for uncle a year ago, and she…she likes ME and you …’ The fury that Kili had started with dies as he sadly realizes that the lass may have not been as enamored with him as he with her. The thought makes him sick, that and the thought of Fili and Dwalin both fucking her, he drops his chin to his chest, tears dripping off his cheeks. 

‘Oh lad.’ Gloin and Balin murmur in sympathy. They know that love is hard battlefield on which to get wounded. Those wounds are deep and can be lasting. Thorin and Oin just gaze sadly at the dark haired prince. They really don’t know what to say to ease his pain. 

Dwalin and Fili look appropriately horrified by Kili’s words. They look at each other with matching aghast expressions. Dwalin wonders what he would do if he had been told that someone had roughly fucked Fili and then had abandoned him to bear the consequences alone. While it did not negate all of Kili’s horrific actions towards his brother, it did mitigate them. Jealousy, especially under the influence of drink, can unleash uncontrollable emotions. 

Oh shit, what a bloody mess, Dwalin thinks sourly.


	23. Get out of my sight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Balin asks the questions. Thorin lowers the boom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired largely by my reaction to the whole hamfisted Kili and Tauriel 'love story.' I have never seen something so stupid and so blantently unnecessary to the plot in a movie in my life. My god, it was so bad- bad lines, crappy delivery of said lines, and for what? To spice up DoS & BOFA? Ugh!! In fact, when Peter Jackson diverted from the storyline of Tolkien in the last two movies, he blew it on a massive scale. Just my opinion, if you don't like or agree, I suggest you do not read any further as I think you will NOT enjoy this chapter. Thank you.

Of course, it is Balin, ever the advisor in legal and diplomatic affairs, who begins the questioning of the youngest sister son of the king. ‘So…you’ve know this lass for a year, is that right? Since your uncle sent you to that settlement of men last year? ’ 

At Kili’s bob of the head, the dwarf with the snowy white hair and beards continues. ‘How many hours over the two days that you were in this settlement, did you get to spend with this woman?’

‘Four.’ Kili answers immediately.

‘Four hours each day or four hours total, lad?’ 

‘Four total, well maybe closer to five hours total.’ Kili smiles when he answers, remembering the time he spent chatting with the short, for a human, lass with the blonde curls. 

‘I see.’ Balin says. ‘And how many times have you gotten to spend time with the lass since then?’

The dark haired prince’s smile broadens, ‘Three.’ His uncle inwardly groans as his nephew’s answer, but outward, he remains silent as a stone and just as unmoving.

‘Ah…and during those three occasions, were you and she able to spend a longer amount of time together or about the same? Four or five hours?’

Kili rubs his chin, deep in thought as he tries to give an accurate answer to the question. ‘Uhm..I would get there in the early afternoon, and we would meet at the tavern to talk… and kiss until the sunset when she would have to return home.’ Kili blushes at the admission of kissing the lass and glances around the room to gage the other’s reactions. He is relieved to see that none of the others are looking back at him. Each has their eyes fixed on any other place than where the brunet dwarf sits. 

Balin sounds almost bored when he asks. ‘So...depending on the time of year, you two spent… what, four to seven hours in each other presence on four separate occasions? Is that correct, lad?’

‘Yes!’ Came Kili’s emphatic response. Finally, they would understand what drove him to punish his brother for treating his lass so badly. Maybe things would turn out alright after all the young dwarf feels hope flare in his heart. 

Balin and Thorin exchange a pointed look, but after a moment Thorin breaks the eye contact and gestures for Balin to continue. ‘Did you know that Fili and Dwalin had had…uhm… relations with this lass prior to leaving for the hunting trip with your brother? ‘

‘No!’ Kili barked angrily. ‘I would have never gone anywhere with Fili had I known what he, THEY did.’ The pain of thinking about Fili AND Dwalin with his girl twisted his heart, but he tamped down the pain and sadness to replace it with anger. 

‘By the by, lad, what is this lass’s name? By all rights, we should refer to her by name, I suppose.’ Balin asks gently. 

‘Aslyn, her name is Aslyn.’ 

‘I see, so you had NO knowledge of Fili’s and Dwalin’s trip to the men’s settlement where they also met with Aslyn at some point, prior to the men telling you here at this cabin a few days ago?’

‘Yes, that’s right.’ Kili hisses and glares around the round to see varied reactions to his words. Balin and Thorin both inhale deeply and simultaneously. Fili lets the muscles that he had unconsciously been tensing, relax. Dwalin gives a small nod of his bald head. Oin and Gloin both lean back, pulling out their pipes. 

Kili is confused. Why are they NOT outraged at what Fili and Dwalin DID? The youth cannot contain himself any longer and jumps to his feet. ‘What are you going to do about what they did?’ he demands in a shaking voice, as he points at the pair with a shaking finger.

‘Sit down.’ Thorin orders. Kili crosses his arms over his chest and does not move to comply with his uncle’s command. Slowly, Thorin raises from his seat, glaring at this dark haired nephew and growls in a low voice, ‘Sit the fuck down, NOW.’ 

Kili is even more confused, but he sinks back to his place on the floor. Why is Thorin angry with HIM? 

The dwarven king resettles back into his seat and turns his head to stare out the window. Balin takes this as his cue to resume his line of questioning. ‘What happened once you and your brother encountered the two men when you left the cabin?’

Kili huffs in annoyance, but he answers without hesitation. ‘The two men asked for directions to Ered Luin as at first they said they were lost. Fili gave them directions, but also offered them lodging for the evening. You know, they would have been hard pressed to make it to Ered Luin before sunset. At Fili’s invitation, they smiled and pulled out a bottle of whiskey to thank us for our dwarven hospitality.’

Fili shudders and shakes his head sadly. ‘I should have sent them on their way at THAT moment. It falls on my shoulders that I failed to do so.’ 

‘Yes’ the blonde’s brother agrees wholeheartedly. Dwalin snaps his head around to glare at Kili with fire in his eyes. It is only the fact that he would have to pitch aside the little blonde in his arms to get at the young dark haired dwarf that keeps him from physically attacking the clueless youth. 

Thorin understands his shield brother’s anger, but he shakes his head slightly at his burly cousin and directs Balin to continue. ‘Proceed please, Balin.’

‘Be that as it may, Fili, we still need to know what happened next. Kili please continue.’ 

Kili shifts uncomfortably on the floor, slightly worried now. His righteous fury has faded as it dawns on him that none of the other dwarves seem to share his anger. Well, except for Dwalin and the large dwarf’s anger seems to be directed AT him.

‘Uh…when they pulled out the whiskey, I wanted to try it. Fili said not to, but I’m a grown dwarf and can do what I want. I told Fili such. He said to go ahead and try it, that he was going to get our provisions set out so that when we returned from setting the snares, we wouldn’t have as much to do to get dinner ready.’

Thorin interrupts Kili detailed recounting of events. ‘What happened to the snares and traps you had prepared and to your provisions? We found no trace of either.’ 

‘Uh…I don’t remember really.‘ Kili looks helplessly at Fili. 

‘I had set my snares and traps down outside in the trees. I believe Kili did the same to partake of the drink the men had.’ The blonde answers morosely. ‘I had returned to the cabin to prep some of our food stuffs for dinner.’ Fili stops abruptly. Closing his eyes, he continues. ‘When Kili came in giggling, he said we should share some of our provisions with our guests and I agreed. I let him take some bread, cheese, a couple of the boiled eggs with him back outside.’

Raising his head, Fili looks to his uncle and begs him to understand the reasoning behind his actions, poor as it was. ‘You see, he was happy and laughing, not raging as some dwarves do when they drink whiskey, I did not see the harm it would do if he got to experience something new. I did not know that he would drink more, and when he returned the second time, he was out of control, spitting with rage. He hit me across the face, knocking me down. I was so stunned I just lay there and watched him scoop up the remaining provisions and carry them outside. After a few moments, I got up to follow, but he was waiting just outside the door and grabbed me from behind as I cleared the doorframe.’ Fili tries to stifle his sob but fails. The blonde closes his eyes and firmly clamps his mouth shut, refusing to continue or make eye contact with anyone. 

Kili stares coldly at his brother bowed head. He is crying now? Did Aslyn cry as the blonde and Dwalin fucked her? Probably, Kili thinks bitterly. Did they stop when she cried? Of course not, she’s pregnant, the young dwarf fumes. 

‘Ehm..’ Balin clears his throat loudly to refocus the dark haired dwarf’s attention. ‘So you seized your brother when he exited the cabin?’ 

‘Yeah’ Kili answers darkly, turning to stare challengingly at the white haired dwarf. 

‘And what had these men said to you to incite you to act in this manner towards your own brother, lad?’ The question is gentle. 

‘Did you NOT hear me?! Fili had fucked the lass I am love with! He left her pregnant and alone, abandoned her!’ Kili shouts. He had a RIGHT to be angry at Fili. He had been JUSTIFIED in his actions, he reminds himself. Fili DESERVED it. Kili crosses his arms over his chest. 

‘And what did Fili say when you asked him about the events that transpired that evening with…uh..Aslyn?’ 

Kili blinks rapidly as he tries to digest Balin’s question. He had not thought to ask Fili of his version of that night. Balin opens his mouth, but it is Thorin who speaks next as he slowly raises to his feet. 

‘You did ask your BROTHER , did you not? You would NOT just taken the word of two MEN you had JUST met as whole and unaltered truth? Two men that you KNOW had previously been untruthful when they had said that they were lost and that was the reason for their presence at this cabin? ‘ Thorin closes the distance between himself and his youngest nephew. Kili’s mouth opens once, twice, before he breaks eye contact with his uncle, drops his chin in confusion, and reluctantly shakes his head to answer Thorin’s inquiry. 

Thorin roars as he lunges toward Kili and slams the youth against the cabin wall. Kili is terrified he has never seen Thorin out of control, has never had the rage that can consume his uncle directed at him and he is scared beyond measure. 

Thorin snarls a mere inch from Kili’s slack jawed face, ‘You would do the most horrible and DISHONORABLE things to your OWN brother at the WORD of STRANGERS! Because they SAID Fili and Dwalin misused this girl. A girl you CLAIM to have fallen IN LOVE with after spending a total of less than 24 hours with?! Are you mad? Or just that naïve and STUPID?’ 

When Kili cannot summon the courage to answer, Thorin shoves him to the floor in disgust. ‘We will hear from Dwalin and Fili as to what they have to say regarding their interaction with that lass during that night. We will go to the settlement to get HER version of events AND then I will decide the severity of your punishment. As for now, GET OUT OF MY SIGHT.’ 

Kili cannot move. Never has his uncle spoken so harshly to him, never not taken his side in any dispute, never has his uncle put his hands on him with such violence, and never, never has he experienced his uncle in such a state of rage. He shakes with fear on the floor. Not one of his kin comes to comfort or reassure him.


	24. Dwalin and Fili's tale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dwalin and Fili recount the events of the evening they spent with Aslyn, the details of which hurt Kili, but he comes to a realization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok- folks, we have turned the corner. This story will be much less harsh from here on out. I think, as I started this fic with a general idea where I wanted this story to go and the point I wanted to make, but it has hashed out to be much more involved than I would have ever anticipated. I encourage you to tell me what you like or if you don't like something, please be specific unless it is tell me you don't like how a character is being depicted. I don't presume to have the sole insight on any of these characters' thoughts or feelings and neither does anyone else except JRR Tolkien.

Kili lies in a shaking heap on the floor where Thorin had deposited him. He cannot get his legs nor the rest of his body to work properly. Instead, the young dwarf puts his head down on the floorboards and sobs out his confusion and pain. 

The other dwarves look on sadly, but they do nothing to sooth the youth. This is part of it, an unpleasant, yet vital part of the journey to adulthood for the dark haired prince to learn to deal and cope with his emotions and with the consequences of his choices and actions. Each of the older dwarves present can remember their own journey down this path and how painful it was, but also how cathartic it was when they emerged from the other side of this seemingly dark and endless tunnel toward emotional and mental maturity. How much more easily the slings and arrows of life are dealt with after they each had gained the insight and awareness of the motivations behind their own words and deeds and more importantly to accept that the only control any dwarf truly possesses in this Middle Earth is the ability to control their responses to the hurts of the world. 

Thorin let his youngest nephew cry himself out, before the king turns to Dwalin and Fili for them to recount their tale. 

‘I ask you to be as open and honest as possible. We NEED to get to the truth, no matter how black.’

Fili looks wrecked, what with the pain of his injuries and the fact that he just had to witness his younger brother, the dwarf he has been self-appointed to protect, often at his own peril, being tossed around by their uncle. The blonde knew he could not go to comfort Kili as he always had. If he were to actually make good on his promise to Vili, Kili’s father, he would have to stand by and watch as his younger brother dissolved into uncontrollable sobs. Kili had to learn that by behaving recklessly, with no regard to truth, by just pretending that the world was as only he chose to view it versus the often stark reality, the young archer would remain forever and anon with the emotional and mental capacity of a dwarfling. Kili had to grow up. He had to learn that actions have consequences. Dis nor Thorin, and even Fili himself had failed to teach the youngest Durin that bad behavior merited punishment. Only seeing the world from his own biased and skewed point of view, is no longer acceptable for a dwarf of Kili’s age. 

Dwalin peers down at Fili’s slumped form with concern, but the large dwarf knows Thorin is waiting for their recollection of events. With a heavy sigh, he begins, ‘Uh…Fili and I had arrived in the men’s settlement in the late afternoon. It was the end of summer then, but it was still hot. We had gone to the river to take a dip to cool off and clean up some before we headed to the inn for supper. While we were in the water, this little blonde lass, uh…Aslyn, was it? Well she came by with her basket of clean laundry in hand. She spoke to us first as we were, um…engaged with each other.’ Dwalin says sheepishly. The warrior feels like a fool admitting he and Fili were pawing each other in the river like a pair of striplings. 

‘She asked if we’d like a better place to enjoy each other. Well, of course, we said yes. She was, uh… rather is, a very pretty little thing, and the way she asked the question, any reasonable dwarf or man would have surmised that she mayhap be up for inclusion in our enjoyment.’ Dwalin looks plaintively at his brother and cousins. If the bald dwarf is looking for support or understanding, none is forecoming from any dwarf present. 

Letting out his breath in a huff, Dwalin opens his mouth to continue, but Fili beats him to it. ‘She, Aslyn, did make it sound like she wanted to join in. She did NOT look away as we clambered out of the river. In fact, she made appreciative comments about how fine a specimen of a dwarf we both were. She led us to an inn that we had never been to. It was not the one we normally frequent in this men’s settlement, but she said she could get us a room with an extra large bed. She used the phrase and I am quoting her, a bed big enough for the three of us, if that was what we wanted. Well, yeah, that was EXACTLY what we wanted.’ 

‘Can I ask a question?’ Gloin is not one to normally interrupt but he just has to ask. ‘So this is something you two have done before- shared a woman? I’m just curious, you see, with whose cock goes where and the such like.’

Dwalin blushes so fiercely his whole bald head goes pink. By Mahal’s beard he does not want to recount THAT out loud. He sends a small prayer to Mahal when he hears Oin admonish his brother, ‘Oy, Gloin! You horny git, you can ask Dwalin that some other time.’

Fili gives Gloin a small smile, ‘Well, placement of one’s cock depends as it oft times changes locations several times during the course of a night.’ 

It is Thorin’s turn to blush red as his nephew’s words. ‘Leave off with what the hell goes where and how often!’ He thunders. Fili blanches and ducks his head, but Dwalin lifts his chin defiantly at Thorin. ‘Fili is of age.’ 

Thorin growls for a moment, before he heaves a big sigh and says, ‘I suppose you are right, Dwalin but dallying with women? What good could possibly have come from that?’ 

‘Well, you are right about that, Thorin.’ Dwalin agrees sadly. 

‘For the love of Mahal’s hammer, could we please get back to what happened MINUS whose cock went where?’ Balin asks in aggrieved tone. 

‘Sure, brother.’ Dwalin picks up the story where Fili had left off. ‘So we accompanied her to the Alley’s End Inn, where we proceed to spend a rather boisterous meal with her of ale and delicious stew before we retired to an upstairs room where we spent the night fucking. I enjoyed it, Fili enjoyed, and I would say SHE enjoyed it as she came three time, little lass was quite a hot piece of ass, squealing, moaning, and humping like a cat in heat.’ 

‘Dwalin…please.’ Fili says gently as he can see the look of pain on Kili’s face. 

‘That is the honest truth, if ANYTHING I just said is untrue or even embellished, then let Mahal’s hammer strike me down.’

‘No, I am not objecting to what you said nor the validity; however, I believe such a graphic description of…our evening with Aslyn… is inflecting more pain on Kili than necessary.’

Kili, who had been trying with all his being to block out what Dwalin had been saying, starts at his brother’s words. Raising his dark head, Kili makes eye contact with the blonde, and the younger brother finds concern in his brother’s eyes. It is difficult for the young dwarf to wrap his mind around the fact that his brother would NOT seek to inflect pain on him. But no, his older brother simply stares sadly back at him. Kili’s heart is still broken with the knowledge that Aslyn had lain willingly with BOTH Dwalin and Fili and truly, Mahal only knew who else, but Fili, his brother, did NOT want to hurt him unnecessarily in recounting the tale. Something in Kili’s chest twitches and he realizes with a start, that is, perhaps for the first time, gratitude and appreciation for his brother’s love. Kili had always just taken the love of his family for granted, but he has been shown in the past days that even familial love has limits. A slight smile curves Kili’s lips as he and his brother stare at one another. When Fili returns the small smile, Kili’s chest swells with hope, hope that perhaps, just perhaps, things can be worked out between he and his brother.


	25. A forgiving heart and a storm brewing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin wonders at Fili's reaction to his brother. Balin explains as best he can. Gloin and Oin are excited about a winter storm coming. Dwalin makes a vow.

The raven haired king of the dwarrow watches the silent exchange between his young nephews with a look of pure confusion. The king’s oldest advisor and closest friend, Balin watches the frown deepen on his cousin’s face. Moving closer so that only Thorin can hear his words, Balin explains in a low whisper, ‘Fili has a forgiving heart. Not that I expect you to understand, mind you.’ Balin chuckles as Thorin’s face twists in a pinch. ‘Forgiveness has never been a strength commonly found in the line to Durin, but that lad has the gift of being capable, willing, and quick to forgive. He has already granted you, Thorin, his uncle, that gift not a day or two ago. ‘ Balin finishes.

Thorin draws in a deep, steadying, breath and nods solemnly, turning face his cousin fully. ‘Aye, that he did, didn’t he?’ Thorin’s face breaks into a small smile of his own, but he sobers and asks, ‘I still need to punish Kili?’ 

Balin sags slightly in disappointment at his king’s words. ‘Uh…what do you think, Thorin? Have you ever let Fili off without censor and punishment for FAR less crimes?’ 

Thorin starts and a flush of shame flashes up his face. Ducking his head, the king looks decidedly unkingly at the moment, but the moment passes, and Thorin answers firmly, ‘Kili has to be punished. Any suggestions of what it should entail? ’ 

‘Let’s not think of that right now. Let’s settle in for the night, Mahal knows both lads need to rest and restore. And if we are to track down this lass, Aslyn, tomorrow, we could use a good’s night rest, yeah?’

‘Yes, Balin. You are quite correct, as usual.’

Breaking the hushed exchange with his advisor, Thorin clears his throat loudly. ‘Oin can you make Fili comfortable so that he may rest? I believe we have uncovered all what we can tonight. Let us rest.’ 

Oin responds to his king’s question by getting out the poppy milk to measure out the appropriate dose for the small blonde dwarf; however, Dwalin is outraged. ‘What? Is he to get NO punishment? At all?!?’ There is no doubt to whom the large dwarf is referring. 

Balin answers his brother’s question, ‘Settle down, Dwalin. See to Fili. Make sure he gets a good night’s rest. We will get to deciding upon an appropriate punishment for Kili later, yeah?’ 

The youngest dwarf squeezes his eyes closed at the fury and venom in his weapons master’s voice. Kili had always loved and admired Dwalin, and if he was honest with himself, he had been hurt and jealous when the large warrior had started to show more interest in his brother than just that of an instructor and mentor. Instead of working through those feelings of hurt and jealousy, Kili had allowed his pain to morph into anger, anger he had ultimately decided to turn on his brother. Now, Dwalin hates him and probably always will. Fili may grant him forgiveness, but would Dwalin, Thorin? Forgiveness is not in either dwarf’s nature.

As Kili mulls over the likelihood of regaining his uncle’s trust and affection, a strong gust of wind rattles the window panes of the hunting cabin. 

‘I’m going to get some more firewood in here for tonight. The wind has certainly picked up out there.’ Gloin remarks as he heads for the door. Upon turning the door handle, another blast of icy wind throws the door open wide and with it the unmistakable smell of snow in the air. 

‘Yep, going to be a storm. Good night for a roaring fire.’ The red headed dwarf grins at the thought of stoking and tending a crackling fire through the night. 

‘Let me give Fili his dose, then I’ll help you, brother.’ Oin says, grinning back at Gloin. Both sons of Groin do love a good fire on a storming night. Balin smiles at his cousins’ enthusiasm. 

‘May I help, too?’ Kili asks. 

‘Yes, laddie. Judging from the storm brewing, we could use the extra set of hands.’ Gloin answers, his gentle tone surprising both Kili and Fili. 

The blonde, being held by Dwalin while Oin gives him the cloudy poppy milk, looks up at the old healer’s eyes and whispers, ‘Please make sure he does not hurt himself with the ax.’ Oin does not respond with words, only gives Fili a smile and a nod. 

Scrambling to his feet, Kili follows excitedly behind Gloin and Oin. Thorin smiles slightly, only a twitch of the lips really, as he watches his youngest nephew bounce out behind his older cousins. Kili’s enthusiasm matches Gloin and Oin’s. His bright smile is always so endearing and enduring. The lightning fast shift in the youth’s mood once again surprises Thorin whose own mood is usually foul and tends to stay that way. 

Fili also smiles warmly at his younger brother’s retreating back. His eyes close as he swallows the water proffered by Dwalin to rid the foul taste of the pain medicine from his mouth. Once finished, the blonde snuggles deeper into his lover’s arms to gain warmth from Dwalin’s body as the cabin had cooled with the frigid wind blowing through it. 

‘I will NEVER let him hurt you again, Fili. I will kill before I let that happen. I swear it.’ Dwalin rumbles calmly, as if he is commenting on the weather outside when the door had swung closed behind the trio of dwarves leaving the cabin.

‘He is young and foolish, inconsiderate and rash, but I think he has made some real progress tonight.’ Fili answers without opening his eyes.

A loud snort is Dwalin’s only response. Balin rubs his beard thoughtfully, but it is Thorin who voices his concern. ‘Be that as it may, his actions cannot be classified as inconsiderate, Fili. If he is to ever move against you or anyone else for that matter in a similar fashion in the future, I cannot say that I disagree with Dwalin.’ 

Fili’s eyes fly open, ‘What…no, uncle! He did…terrible things, but he did NOT try to KILL me.’

‘Really?’ Thorin asks. ‘And what would have happened to you if we had not come looking for you? How much longer would you have lasted in your state, snubbed to the bed like that?’

Fili flushes with shame as he thinks of his kin finding him so, and he ducks his head into Dwalin’s chest. His voice is therefore muffled when he says, ‘I believe if you all had not arrived that when Kili awoke from his drunken stupor, he would have come in and taken care of me. I HAVE to believe that, uncle.’ 

‘Well, we will never know that for sure, will we?’ Thorin answers sharply. Softening his tone and coming over to stroke the back of Fili’s head, he continues, ‘But I would very much LIKE to believe that as well, lad. ’

‘Aye!’ Balin agrees with his cousin and looks pointedly at Dwalin. 

Balin’s raven haired brother glares back at him for a moment and flicks his grey eyes to glare at Thorin for a beat before he grind outs, ‘No, we will never know what Kili would have done with you, Fili. Would he have finished you off so that his crimes would have remained hidden forever? Hard to say. But as for me, he will NEVER be given the chance to hurt you again. EVER. Now go to sleep, laddie.’ Dwalin runs his large hand through Fili’s hair and begins to hum a tone. 

Thorin exchanges a concerned glance with his advisor. Balin shrugs. He knows that they will never know for sure what Kili would have done if they had failed to arrive at the cabin when they did. He does not like to contemplate Dwalin’s prediction of what the dark haired youth would have done. Neither does Thorin.


	26. Atonement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili, Oin, & Gloin enjoy the sight of the first snowfall of the year while they prepare firewood for the coming storm. Thorin remembers a punishment his own father, Thrain, had handed down to him years ago and finds it a fitting one for Kili.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With the help of another writer, I stumbled upon what I believe is a good punishment for Kili. And a reasonable one for Thorin to deliver. It is a means to explain why Thorin has such a short beard and Kili has no beard, just stubble in the movies. I hope you agree/like with my choice.

Gloin, Oin, and Kili make quick work of splitting more logs into useable firewood. Gloin handles the ax with precise and calculated swings chuckling, Oin steadily hefts the uncut logs onto the cutting block for his brother, singing a merry tune, and Kili fetches the split wood as it flies off the block and stacks it neatly under the awning on the side of the cabin, his ever present smile back on his young face. 

After the emotional trying events of the last few hours, Kili welcomes the physical exertion and the mindless, but constant movement of his assigned task to keep his mind occupied. The young archer does not have time to dwell on the possible punishments he may face, he can only focus on the simple task of gathering the wood and making sure it is stacked as it is becoming more apparent with each passing minute that a winter storm is in fact approaching quickly. The wind blusters around them and swirls the fallen leaves against their boots. The three dwarves are just finishing when the first snowflakes start to fall. 

‘First snowfall of the season.’ Oin remarks a bit wistfully, staring up at the flakes. Gloin nods solemnly at his brother’s words, but Kili is a little concerned at the sons of Groin’s sudden shift of mood into one of slight melancholy. What just happened? 

As the three stand under the side awning of the cabin, Oin explains to Kili. ‘Back in Erebor, when the first snow fall of the year would come, it was always a merry day. All the dwarflings and those not so much dwarflings any longer, but still young enough at heart, would go out of the mountain to play in the snow. Whole families would go together and then would return to the mountain for hot coco for the dwarflings and strong ale for the adult dwarrow and dams to sing songs and tell tales. Spend time with family and loved ones. Some of my best memories are of those occasions with Amad, Adad, and Gloin.’

The old healer stops and heaves a large sigh. ‘It is NOT just the gold and jewels that we miss from Erebor. Many things aside from riches, many things far more important than gold, were taken from us when Smaug came.’ 

‘Mayhap, we can do that tonight? Sing the songs and tell tales? Play in the snow tomorrow?’ Kili asked excitedly.

‘Your brother will be asleep, lad. Even if he was awake, would he feel like singing? And he is surely not up for playing in the snow given his injuries.’ Gloin reminds the younger dwarf gently. 

Kili swallows audibly and ducks his head. He had forgotten. Well, he had chosen to forget that his own actions had led to his brother being so injured. The young prince had been too caught up in what he wanted to do to remember his brother. 

‘What can I do?’ He asks in a whisper. Oin does not even hear the sound of Kili’s voice much less the words the lad spoke so he does not respond, but the healer’s brother does. 

‘Not much you CAN do, lad. Really, all you can do is to try to do and be better in thought and deed. Think of others before yourself. Take into consideration their wants and needs before your own and act accordingly.’ Gloin shrugs. ‘It’s not very hard in theory, but in practice, well, that is a different kettle of fish.’ The red haired dwarf smiles at Kili and rests his hand on Kili’s shoulder. The dark haired dwarf smiles back at his cousin and nods firmly. ‘I will try, I surely will.’

Thorin and Balin watch in silence as the three dwarves carry in armfuls of firewood. Dwalin, who has lain a sound asleep Fili down on the pallet, lounges close to the lad and follows the dark haired archer with his eyes. 

‘It has started to snow.’ Kili says simply and tucks himself in the furthest corner of the room to hide himself from Dwalin’s suspicious glare. 

‘Truly?’ Balin inquires. The old dwarf looks at his reclining brother, and the two sons of Fundin smile faintly at each other. Each remembers the time before Smaug descended on Erebor, and what joy and happiness the first snowfall had brought to the dwarves of the Lonely Mountain, especially for Fundin. Balin and Dwalin rarely saw their father in such high, unreserved spirits as when the snow first began to fall, a venerable blizzard. The last time the brothers had ever heard their father laugh so heartily was the first snow a few months before the inferno came. 

Thorin is lost in his own memories of building a snow fort with Frerin during that same said last first snow celebrated at Erebor. It had been quite a blizzard that year which had howled down and had buried the base of the Lonely Mountain. Thorin had goaded his little brother into burrowing into the heavy, wet snow further and further until the tunnel in which Frerin had created collapsed onto him. 

It had taken Thrain, Fundin, Thorin, Balin, Dwalin, and Frorin to dig the small dwarf with the dark blonde locks out of the dense snow. Blue lipped, no longer shivering due to such low body temperature Frerin had been found just in time before he had succumbed to hypothermia and asphyxiation. Thorin can still picture the relief on Thrain’s face when they found the lad cold and barely alive, but thankfully, still breathing as the image is etched in Thorin’s mind. He remembers his own grief at Frerin’s pain and fear and the memory still haunts him. 

Thorin starts as he remembers how Thrain’s face had looked when he finally got the full recounting of the tale from Frerin and Thorin as the brothers sat on Frerin’s bed days later. Frerin had been bed ridden for days afterwards with a fever and Thorin was keeping his brother company while he recovered. Thrain had been furious with Thorin for his actions and his callous disregard for his brother’s safety that day. As a punishment, Thorin had been made to trim his beard short, in the manner in which he still kept it to this very day. 

The parallels between what Thorin had done to Frerin, and what Kili had done to Fili were thin and flimsy at best, but the punishment handed down by Thrain might just be the punishment Thorin had been desperately looking for to deliver to Kili. Thorin could NOT image lashing his youngest nephew. While corporal punishment was certainly justified in this case, Thorin felt he simply could not deliver the blows to Kili himself, and he KNEW his eldest nephew, Fili, would NOT do it to his brother. Dwalin, then? No, the large dwarf’s bloodlust was up, and he could and would very likey kill Kili. Balin or Oin? No, neither of them would ever do it as Balin was much too sedate and diplomatic, and Oin was a healer. Neither would do such a brutal task. And Gloin? No, he had a young son not terribly much younger than Kili. He would not do it. 

Yes, making Kili shave his own beard, little of it as there was AND trim his hair would be devastating and humiliating to the vain, dark haired prince. It would be the perfect punishment. One were Kili would always have a small reminder of what he had done to his brother as Fili would ALWAYS carry the scars on his back from that night. Thorin starts again at the realization that Fili would always carry some scars from the punishments he himself had given to Fili over the years. Not all those marks were visible scars, healed wounds on the skin, but wounds delivered to the lad's heart over the years. The next time Thorin trimmed his beard he would think of his brother AND Fili AND Frorin for that matter. Shit, did he have enough beard to trim for all that atonement? Well, he would have to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone could direct me to a dictionary of Khuzdul/English on the web, I would be very grateful. I wanted to put in the dwarfish word for first snowfall in Khuzdul, but I wanted to get this chapter posted and could not easily locate a translation. I could use a Elfish/English dictionary, too. You know, if you happen to know of any.


	27. Without complaint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin tells Kili what his punishment will be. Kili is stunned, but realizes he must do it, and he will do it without complaint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is to point out how much the actors who play Thorin and Fili have similar facial features, especially when they are in profile. obviously this is just my opinion and any one is welcome to disagree.

Thorin goes to the pallet on which his oldest nephew lies in a heavy, drug-induced slumber. The king can feel his shield brother’s stony stare on the back of his head as the king of the dwarrow kneels beside Fili to smooth back some of the thick blonde hair from his forehead. Without his signature braids in his hair or moustache, Fili looks just like his father, Frorin. Thorin grimaces as he realizes that Frorin and Fili DO look just like Thror albeit with blonde hair. 

Dwalin has been watching Thorin like a hawk as he went to Fili’s side, like a very protective mother hawk watching a potential predator approach her chick actually. The large warrior had relaxed slightly when Thorin had set about petting Fili’s ruffled hair back from the lad’s face, but the instant he sees the frown gracing Thorin’s face, Dwalin is up and by the blonde’s side. 

Thorin is startled by Dwalin’s sudden movement, but he does not back away from his heir. ‘He looks so young without his braids. So much like Frorin. So much like Thror.’ 

‘So much like his uncle, the king, too.’ Snorts Dwalin. 

Thorin’s eyebrows shoot up almost to his hairline. No one has ever compared his and Fili’s looks. If anything, dwarves would notice the same raven hair, dark, heavy brows, and similar set of the eyes between Thorin and his youngest nephew, Kili. 

‘I don’t see it.’ He admits.

‘Not really a surprise that, Thorin. You really can be quite blind.’ Oin sniffs, butting into the conversation. Dwalin barks a quick laugh before he muffles his laughter with his hand as he does not want to rouse Fili. Balin chuckles behind his own hand, and Gloin smiles at his brother, knowing Oin is not one to sugarcoat the facts. 

Kili looks up surprised he has never seen a familial resemblance between his blonde brother and their raven haired uncle. Kili gazes intently at Thorin’s profile in the firelight and then to his brother’s as Fili is lying on his stomach with his arms wrapped under a pillow, and his face is also in profile. Mahal’s flaming hammer, Fili and Thorin do have very similar features, especially in profile! While most cannot look past the difference in coloring, dark hair versus fair, Kili can now plainly see the same nose, mouth and chin, basically the shape of the face, and they do have the same Durin blue eyes, even the set of their eyes is similar. It is just the eyebrows and the contrasting hair color that differ between the two.

‘I see it. Mahal, I had never noticed before now, but they do look alike. Especially when they are right next to each other.’ Kili whispers shyly, unsure if his observations would be appreciated or wanted. Apparently Thorin is drawing the same conclusion as his dark brows knit together as he studies Fili’s profile, and he nods slightly. 

‘Probably, because they are NEVER together.’ Dwalin snaps. ‘Thorin, here, has always had time enough and plenty for you, Kili.’ The large dwarf spits the name out. ‘But he has never shown your brother the slightest interest. Unless it is to rebuke, belittle, or batter him, that is.’ Dwalin glares at Thorin. 

‘Folk never comment on the two favoring one another as NOTHING seemed to rile your uncle’s wrath more quickly than that kind of talk. Mahal’s tits but did the residents of Ered Luin learn to NEVER compare king and crown prince in physical appearance.’ Dwalin drawls. 

‘Just as your grandmother had a couple of servants banished immediately without an ounce of regret for simply observing the striking similarities between Thror and Frorin.’ Balin adds sadly. 

Thorin opens his mouth to defend himself and his grandmother, but he slams it shut instead. Great balls of shit, but the sons of Fundin are correct! Thorin has spent as little time and attention on the elder of his two sister-sons as possible over the decades while doting and indulging the younger. Thorin personally oversaw Kili’s weapons training while Dwalin was always Fili’s instructor which could quite possibly be the precipitating reason for the development of Dwalin’s and Fili’s current relationship. Thorin sighs at his woefully lack of insight over the years. 

Thorin thinks back to his reactions to the happy congratulations from the other dwarves on the arrival of the new heir, Fili. ‘He is Thror all over again but with golden hair!’ They would crow to him, and Thorin’s brows would lower, and his face would darken like thunderclouds promising a summer thunderstorm. Thorin would snarl at the unfortunate well-wisher that no, Fili did NOT look like Thror, thank you very much. It is little wonder no one ever said anything about their resemblance after the first couple of years of Fili’s life. 

And as for his grandmother? Yes, he can remember the disappearance of several servants and attendants who had remarked about Frorin in any positive way. The ones who had made disparaging comments about the blonde had been rewarded. Such pettiness and abuse of power, Thorin thinks grimly. The thought of his grandmother’s and his own petty, mean behavior and the smallness of their actions towards those with so much less power than their own saddens and disgusts him in equal measure. 

Kili has scooted closer to the pallet to study his brother’s and his uncle’s faces more carefully, fully engrossed in the task. The young dwarf does not realize he is next to Fili until he hears a very menacing growl, and he looks up to the glittered eyes of Dwalin who now looks a lot like, a WHOLE lot like an angry mother bear. For anyone who has made the colossal mistake of being putting themselves between a mama bear and her cub, intentionally or unintentionally can attest to, it is the LAST place on Middle Earth one wants to find one’s self. Kili squeaks and scrambles back away from the pallet. 

‘Lad,’ Thorin begins as his attention turns away from the past to Kili. ‘I have decided on your punishment.’ The king says slowly. 

‘This ought to be rich.’ Dwalin snarks as Kili pales, but the warrior can only assume Thorin will let the lad off without any real punishment dealt just as the king has done countless times before, just as the lad’s mother has done countless times before. 

Thorin continues without sparing Dwalin a glance, and his eyes bore into his dark haired nephew’s as the king says in his deep baritone with deadly seriousness. ‘You will shave your beard and trim your bangs and you will keep them as such until the day your brother no longer carries the marks you inflicted upon him. Understood? Am I clear? ’ 

Kili’s mouth hangs open in stunned horror at his king’s words. He knows he DESERVES to be punished, but the thought of his uncle actually delivering a punishment of any sort as it is something he has never done in the past, boggles the youth’s mind. 

‘My beard….?’ Kili stutters, running his hand over the soft fuzz on his cheeks. 

‘Yes, lad. You must shave it off. Am I clear?’ Thorin thunders. When Kili looks away and nods his head in submission, Thorin nods firmly at his cousins’ shocked faces. Frankly, they are surprised by the king decision, as the sentence seems rather light compared to what was done to Fili, but they cannot disagree with the wisedom of the punishment. 

‘I will assist you if need be.’ Thorin whispers to his youngest nephew. Kili gulps audibly but nods. 'Let us rest tonight and come the morrow…’ 

‘Yes, uncle. I will do it tomorrow.’ Kili whispers in firm agreement. His resolve to make amends for his actions returning to his stunned mind. He can do this. He can show Fili and everyone else he is sorry and he understands what he has done. He will take his punishment like a dwarf of the line of Durin in silence and without complaint.


	28. Some prepare for sleep, some feign sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dwarves settle down to listen to the snowstorm outside. Some of them prepare for sleep, others feign sleep, and one truly sleeps.

As the dwarves prepare to bed down for the night, they hear the wind pick up to a howl and can see the snow being driven against the thick, leaded glass panes of the small windows of the cabin. Small drafts of icy air are forced through the cracks of the log walls. Gloin has built the fire high and stacked plenty of the freshly split logs next to the fireplace to stave off the cold wind creeping into the cabin. 

The sturdy, ginger haired dwarf, the youngest son of Groin, smiles as he watches the most fiercesome dwarf his knows, his cousin and youngest son of Fundin, Dwalin, snuggle, that is the only word he can think to describe the action, snuggle carefully next the small, sleeping, blonde dwarf, eldest son of Dis and only surviving child of Frorin. Gloin grimaces as he remembers Frorin. A finer swordsman, Gloin had never seen except for maybe his cousin, Thorin, eldest son of Thrain. Frorin fought equally well the swords in both hands, just as Fili does now. Gloin’s frown deepens even more as he thinks that perhaps Fili’s wounds could leave the lad permanently disabled. 

Shaking his shaggy head, Gloin breathes deep to help clear his mind of such thoughts and looks up to find his king, Thorin staring directly at him with a puzzled look on his face. Before Gloin can voice his question, his cousin, the king asks, ‘What is it, Gloin? Do you think we need more wood?’ 

‘No, uh…I was thinking about Fili’s wounds and how they may inhibit his ability with the twin swords.’ Gloin answers in a soft voice so that only Thorin can hear. ‘And how Frorin once fought so well with twin blades as well.’ Gloin is unsure how Thorin will take this last comment, but since everything is finally out in the open, the hell with it, let the truth be spoken aloud. 

Instead of the anger Gloin was expecting from Thorin, he gets a sad smile and a nod of his cousin’s dark head in agreement. 

‘Aye, I have been worried about the same thing. I know the skill of your brother so I am HOPEFUL that Fili will make a full recovery. And I remember well the skill with which Frorin used his swords- made a fool of me once on the training grounds, and my grandmother made sure to have him removed from ever sparring with me again.’ Thorin whispers back. The shame that his GRANDMOTHER had intervened to ensure that Thorin and Frorin never again interacted much after that particular day on the training field, washes over the king, burning its way down to his belly. Thorin mimics the same sad shake of his head that Gloin had just done moments ago. 

‘By Mahal’s beard, what has the hangdog faces on the pair of you now?’ the eldest son of Groin asks, as he comes over to settle next to his younger brother, looking from Thorin’s sad expression back to Gloin’s. 

‘Just thoughts of Frorin and Fili.’ Thorin answer honestly. The sons of Groin exchange a concerned look at their king’s answer. 

Balin who had been very amused watching his younger brother, Dwalin, carefully check the sleeping form of Fili before cuddling up and gently wrapping one large arm protectively around the blonde. Then closing his grey eyes to seek sleep himself. Balin, ever the one with keen hearing, especially for words spoken in hushed tones, catches Thorin’s last sentence, and eldest son of Fundin eases closer to join his cousins by the fire. 

‘What of Frorin and Fili exactly, Thorin?’ Balin inquires cautiously. 

‘Many things, many unfair things have been heaped on the pair by my family, by MYSELF over the years.’ The three dwarves next to Thorin positively could not have been more surprised at their king’s answer than if he had said the sky was falling down.

When none of the three have anything to say in response to his words, Thorin continues, ‘And now, my Kili, my fun-loving, ever smiling, youngest sister son has followed in my wretched footsteps and performed horrible, egregious acts on his own brother.’

‘Fun loving he may be, but the lad is hardly, ever smiling. The frown that lad can muster, with the brows and all, can match yours any day, Thorin.’ Oin replies, his truthful but flippant quip having the intended effect of lightening the rapidly darkening mood of his ever broody cousin. 

‘You chose a good, just punishment, Thorin.’ Balin says soberly after having a little chuckle at Oin’s words. 

‘Aye.’ Gloin agrees. 

‘Corporal punishment is rarely an effective punishment.’ Balin continues.

‘And never one to invoke feelings of empathy from the guilty towards his victims nor towards the authority in which delivers the lashes. It only serves to harden an already cold and twisted heart and mind.’ Oin adds. Looking over to the to the slumped form of Kili where he sits in the far corner, Oin calls softly so not to disturb Dwalin and Fili. ‘Come join us, lad. I know you are not sleeping and your twitching means you’ve heard every word we old dwarves have said.’ 

 

Kili can FEEL the several sets of eyes on him as he tries to continue to feign sleep. At his uncle’s weary sigh of ‘Kili’, he opens his eyes to find his cousins watching him solemnly, but with no malice in their faces. His uncle’s face is hard and flat rather than the quick smile Thorin normally has for his youngest sister son. The young dwarf jolts as he realizes that the expression on Thorin’s face is the one that his uncle usually directs at his brother, Fili. 

‘But the guilty must be aware of the pain they have inflicted and that IF they chose to continue on that path, the punishment will be quick and severe.’ Thorin rumbles in a lower than normal voice.

‘Yes, uncle.’ Kili murmurs and moves to fire next to Gloin. As he passes, he glances down to his brother and Dwalin on the pallet and starts as he locks eyes with Dwalin. Dwalin’s gaze is rock hard and unwavering as he watches Kili’s approach. Kili sees the massive bicep of the large warrior tighten around Fili as the dark haired prince moves past the pair and the young dwarf’s heart clenches at the thought that Dwalin feels the need to protect Fili from him and will probably always be distrustful of him. 

Settling down next to Gloin, Kili feels the tears in his eyes and tries to blink them away before they fall. He fails and the tears spill over to run down his cheeks. In the past, for his whole life someone, his mother, his uncle, his brother, his father, Vili, would have been there to wipe away his tears and comfort him. Now, his uncle and his cousins simply watch. As an adult, it is Kili’s job to cope with his emotions and control his behavior in the face of whatever life throws at him. No one else’s. 

As Kili composes himself and lifts his eyes to look around the small group of dwarves, he is startled to see a slight smile playing on Balin’s lips. Oin’s , Gloin’s and Thorin’s faces are neutral, not hostile at least. It is a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok- this chapter got away from me. I fully intend to get to Aslyn, shit, I think that is what I named the girl, in the next chapter or two. Anyway, I will get to her, who her child's father may be or may not be and how Thorin and the other dwarves react to the news. cheers.


	29. The winter storm passes and the morning dawns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The winter storms blows over, leaving the forest blanketed in white. The morning dawns and Fili wakes first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the weeks delay in updating this fic. Business went from slow, slow to frantic overnight mid-April. This story will have a few more chapters and we WILL get to Aslyn. I promise, just not in this chapter. Next chapter, I promise.

After Kili had cried himself out, the lad had fell into slumber shortly afterwards. The four older dwarves converse quietly for a time. Thorin gets up to put a blanket over the sleeping form of his youngest sister-son and to check on his elder nephew. When the dwarven king bends over the Fili and brushes the loose blonde hair out of his peaceful face, Thorin notices that the bruising on the side of the lad’s face has faded slightly from the stark purple and black to that sickly greenish yellow hue. The lad is healing quickly, thank Mahal. 

Thorin chuckles to himself as he had watches Fili jerk in his sleep and Dwalin, ever vigilant, murmurs an old lullaby into the little blonde’s ear, a pleasant rumbling thrum of a melody. A tiny contented sigh escapes from Fili’s parted lips, and the lad snuggles even closer to Dwalin. With a sad smile, Thorin retreats to his own pallet next to Kili. He knows he will always feel rather guilty about his treatment of the blonde for the last seventy years, but his smile broadens in joy at the thought that Fili and Dwalin have so obviously found love and happiness in one another. Truly, there is nothing more one can ask for in this good Middle Earth, the dwarven king muses, throwing his arm over the sleeping Kili, and he too falls asleep with a light heart for the first time in many, many years. 

The dwarves sleep as the first winter storm of the season blows itself out and the fire slowly burns itself down to glowing embers. A hush falls over the land as the wind dies down and a heavy snowfall comes down, permeating the forest with the eerie muffled silence of winter, like a thick, white blanket covering the landscape. The dwarves all sleep snug on their respective pallets with kith and kin close by, sharing the warm of the fire and each other. 

Fili wakes first. He always does. Some dwarves wake bright, alert, and happy in the early hours of the morning just before sunrise, like the golden and fair heir of Erebor. Or some dwarves, like the night owl, Dwalin, with his dark hair and swarthy complexion, finds mornings intolerable, and those who rise and shine with the ascending sun even more insufferable. The notable expection to the large warrior is of course his small, blonde lover. Dwalin has learned to bite back his snarling comments to his bright little lover upon waking, and Fili has learned to ignore any and all grumblings from his older lover in the morning and to just brew as strong as coffee as palatable. 

Slipping out and under from Dwalin’s embrace, Fili smiles fondly at the slack and peaceful features of Dwalin, whose features which are usually in a fierce scowl and only relax in sleep. Well, after orgasm, too, Fili giggles to himself. The faces that Dwalin pulls when he comes are almost comical, not that Fili would EVER say that aloud. But as those fearsome features relax from the strained and twisted tautness of pre-climax into the closed eyed, open mouthed gasping look of pure, unfettered pleasure that only comes with an intense orgasm as it washes over Dwalin, never fails to awe Fili. That he can watch such a fierce, battle hardened warrior like the captain of the king’s guard come SO utterly undone AND be the reason for it, amazes and pleases the blonde to no end. 

Moving hesitantly and stiffly, Fili climbs slowly to his feet. Coffee is the thing on his mind. He is sure that there is a tin of coffee in the cabin, and he wants to get it brewing as he loves his coffee in the morning as much as Dwalin NEEDS it. 

Puttering around, trying to be as silent as the snow covered forest is, Fili stokes the fire and adds logs to the fire. Where did all those quartered logs come from he wonders vaguely. Now to get some water to brew the coffee, Fili looks his boots for the first time since…. NO, he will NOT think about how or when his boots were yanked from his feet nor his clothes ripped from his body. Hmmm, that presents another problem, his clothing. He is still completely naked and he can feel the slight pull and tug of the stitches on his back. 

After a moment, the blonde finds his pack which contains his extra tunics, breeches, smalls, etc. Pulling them on, hissing at the momentary sting as the clothes rub over tender areas, Fili gets dressed and pulls his boots on. Opening the cabin door, the crown prince is struck dumb by the beauty and silence of the forest as the morning dawns. 

It snowed last night? That would certainly explain all the split logs thinks Fili. When a hand tentatively falls on his left shoulder, Fili jumps a foot, literally a foot in the air, but he keeps the scream of panic from escaping his throat. Whirling around, Fili finds himself face to face with his brother who sports a look of such profound sadness and regret that Fili can only gape at the wholly unnatural expression on his brother’s face.

‘Fili?’ Kili chokes in concern. The look of fear in Fili’s eyes is almost too hard to bear, but the dark haired dwarf does NOT break eye contact with his brother. If he is to look away now, and turn away from the blonde, Fili may never trust him again. 

‘You just startled me, brother.’ 

Kili expression melts slightly at the use of the term brother from the blonde. There is still a wary, distrust in Fili’s countenance, but not the abject fear that was there just moments ago. 

‘Help me get some snow to melt for water?’ 

‘Sure, let me get my boots on, brother.’ Kili answers hesitantly using the word to gauge Fili’s reaction to it. Fili smiles and nods at his little brother. Resting his hand lightly on Kili’s forearm, Fili reassures the dark haired dwarf. ‘We will always be brothers.’ Fili knows if the two are ever to get past what happened while Kili was under the influence of whiskey and the whispered lies of men twisting his rational thoughts, he will have to attempt to go back to the care free manner in which the pair have always shared physical touches. 

Stepping out of the warm cabin into the chilled air, the two sons of Dis marvel for at the quiet and stillness of the surrounding trees for several moments, but the pair gets to work. The two work in tandem, albeit much more slowly than normal, to get sufficient snow for a large kettle of water. Kili wonders how much snow it takes to get just one kettle of water. 

When Kili sees his brother grimace in pain when the blonde bends in an attempt to place the kettle over the fire, he gently takes the kettle from the blonde to hang the kettle. 

‘I’m sorry...’ Fili starts, but Kili cuts him off sharply. 

‘Don’t- just don’t….you owe me no apology, Fili.’ Kili says sadly. 

‘We, Dwalin and I, we had NO idea that Aslyn was the maiden you fancied. She is very pretty and seems very sweet, if terribly….forward AND naïve at the same time.’

Kili just huffs out a breath but says nothing. 

‘I am sorry that things turned out the way they did, brother.’ 

Kili’s head snaps up to stare open mouthed into his brother’s sad, blue eyes. ‘Yeah, not as sorry as I am, brother. That I took my hurt and anger out on you is unforgivable.’ The brunet prince says in a pained voice.

‘Nothing is unforgivable between family, especially brothers. You have admitted your mistakes, you genuinely regret your actions. I forgive you.’

Kili is completely gob-smacked by Fili’s words. He cannot hold back the spill of sudden tears of relief. He tries valiantly not to think about how unlikely it would be for him to forgive his brother if their positions were reversed. That thought makes him cry all the harder. 

‘Stop crying, Kili. We have both cried enough in the past few days to fill several kettles. Now let’s get that coffee brewing, shall we?’ 

The quip does the trick and Kili smiles in spite of the tears streaming down his face. Nodding vigorously, the archer sets about measuring out the coffee in the strainer and placing the strainer over the mouth of a large mug. Pouring the steaming water over the grounds so that it goes through the grounds and the strainer to drip, drip into the mug below. Repeating the entire process over again with a second mug and returning the kettle to the fire, Kili hands Fili the first mug, then retrieves the second as he settles next to his brother in companionable silence as they sip their coffee. 

About half way through the mug, Fili’s face twists in sudden pain, and he puts the mug down in a solid thud. Starting at the unexpected noise, Kili turns to look at the blonde questioningly. 

‘Fili, what is it? Are you hurting?’

The blonde can only nod weakly and clutch at his lower abdomen with both hands. Trying to breathe deeply, Fili only feels the pressure and pain in his low belly increase. Well hell, coffee certainly always has this effect on his bowels in the morning, but the searing pain is unusual. 

‘I have to….I need to go outside to void.’ He mumbles in embarrassment and struggles to rise, but the blonde cannot manage it. 

Slightly horrified, that his brother cannot rise to go relieve himself, at first Kili shrinks away from Fili, but Gloin’s words from yesterday ring in his ears, ‘Think of others before yourself. Take into consideration their wants and needs before your own and act accordingly.’ The young dwarf steels his resolve. He WILL help his brother as his brother is in this state because of him. 

As gently as possible, he moves his arms under Fili’s and hoists the blonde to his feet. Taking most of Fili’s weight in this arms, Kili thanks Mahal, and not for the first time, for the distinct height advantage he has over his blonde brother. Easing his brother towards the door, Kili feels Fili head thud against his shoulder. His strong and stotic brother is crying in pain or shame or a combination of both. Guilt floods through the archer’s veins, but he does his best to reassure Fili.

‘It’s alright, I’m here. I can help you with this, brother.’ 

It is Fili’s turn to be open-mouthed and gob smacked by his little brother’s words and behavior. NEVER has Kili given anyone’s needs a second thought much less actually moved to help someone other than himself. The blonde can only let his younger brother tote him outside and behind some trees as the pain is immense and unyielding. 

Leaning the gasping and sobbing Fili against one tree, Kili works the laces of the blonde’s breeches free and tugs them down to his ankles. 

‘Easy, it’s okay, it’s alright.’ Kili says as a mantra to his brother. 

Reserving their positions so that his back is now against the tree for leverage, Kili supports his brother’s full weight in his arms and lowers them both into a squat. When the bloodied stool slips to the ground and his brother howls in pain, Kili begins to cry again. How could he cause so much pain? For what? Jealousy that Fili had lain with Aslyn and he had not? Jealously that it was Fili who Dwalin choose and not himself? 

‘Mahal, Kili… I’m sorry for this.’ Fili whimpers. ‘It hurts. It hurts so badly.’ 

‘Don’t worry, Fili. I’ve got you.’ Kili tries to soothe both his brother’s pain and shame.

The cold air coming in from the open cabin door, and the howl of pain had jolted Dwalin awake. Never the most affable in the morning on a good day, the large warrior immediately recognizes the agonized cry of his love and notes that the only one not present in the cabin besides the blonde is the lad’s raven haired brother. 

Time to kill that piece of shit, Dwalin thinks as he leaps to his feet, snatches Grasper, and charges out of the open door. Thorin had been roused by the cry of pain as well, and he prays to Mahal and any other Valar who would possibly listen, please, please let Kili NOT be hurting his brother again. Please! The dwarven king staggers to his feet in rapid pursuit of his shield brother.


	30. With a lighter heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dwalin and Thorin try to figure out just what is happening when they find Kili and FIli behind the tree. The three kinsdwarves help Fili. The sight of Thorin and Kili helping Fili makes Dwalin's heart feel lighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I promised to have Aslyn in this chapter. Well, I lied. I am such an ass sometimes, but I had to get this written first. Sorry for the delay as I have gotten into another project and have been posting one-shots instead of finishing this one. Couple more chapters. By the by, I did go back and revise the previous chapter slightly.

Thorin races out the door after his shield brother, praying to Mahal and all the Valar that Fili and Kili are just loudly exchanging a volley of snowballs in the fresh snow. IF his youngest nephew has chosen to put hands on his older brother, Thorin knows to the marrow of his dense, dwarven bones that nothing, absolutely nothing will stop Dwalin from killing the lad. 

As the king rounds a tree at a dead run, he slams into the very solid and unmovable back of a stock still Dwalin. Shit, Thorin wonders, how many blows to his face and jaw will he have to endure before this whole thing is over? 

Rubbing his throbbing nose, Thorin peers around the stonewall which Dwalin apparently has become to see both of his sister-sons. Since his eyes are still watering from smashing his nose headlong against Dwalin’s shoulder blade, he has to blink rapidly to clear his eyes, and he prays even harder when he sees the blood beneath Fili. But why by Mahal’s hammer are they squatting together, face to face, Kili holding his brother in his arms, Fili resting his head across his brother’s shoulder, both with tears streaming down their faces? 

Dwalin twitches and seems to be just as unsure as his king with trying to work out just what is transpiring, but neither the warrior nor the dwarven king are dwarves to remain nonplussed for long. 

‘What in Mahal's name is going on here?’ The pair demand in unison.

Dwalin jolts and turns surprised eyes to Thorin at the sound of his voice. Apparently, Dwalin was caught unaware of the other dwarf’s presence. Really, Thorin thinks. I just slammed into the back of you, how could you NOT know someone was behind you? 

Huffing in irritation at his shield brother’s lack of awareness of his surroundings which is very unlike Dwalin, Thorin eyes his nephews with clearer vision. He makes out that Fili’s breeches are down around his ankles, Kili’s is fully dressed and buttoned up, thank you Mahal and the Valar, and the archers seems to be supporting the blonde as he voids. Ah, well, that makes sense this would be the first time Fili would have had the need to do that since…

‘Has he hurt you?’ Dwalin’s deep voice growls low and dangerous. Kili does not answer for his brother. He has seen Grasper in Dwalin’s hands and knows that his very life hangs in the balance. He just prays that Fili will be able to answer for himself. 

‘No, no…he is helping me.’ Fili chokes in between sobs, embarrassed beyond the pale at having three of his kin witness him in this act and its vile evidence. 

Kili holds his brother tighter in relief and whispers, ‘Are you finished? Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?’ 

Fili sobs and shakes his head violently. ‘No, no, I can get it. There is no need for you to see this. I am sorry.’ 

‘You need help and I will understand if you don’t want me to help you, but Dwalin and Thorin are here now. They can take care of you.’ 

Instead of answering, Fili cries harder and shakes his head again, burying his face into the dark haired dwarf’s chest. 

‘You…you don’t want me to…help you, lad?’ The pain in Dwalin’s voice brings Fili’s head up sharply. 

‘It’s not that…I just…it’s just…no one should have to see me like this.’ Fili croaks, his eyes pleading with Dwalin to understand.

‘I love you, lad. There is nothing you EVER need hide from me. Nothing.’ Dwalin says forcefully and starts towards the two brothers. Dropping his beloved axe, Grasper, to the snowy ground, forgotten for the moment, as his total focus is on the blonde and the need to take away his pain and embarrassment. 

Kili pushes his brother away from his chest gently and passes the limp form into Dwalin’s waiting arms. Hoisting the blonde up and away from the bloody mess in the snow, Dwalin sets Fili back down on his feet a meter or so away. Catching Thorin’s eye, Dwalin asks for assistance with a silent look to his king and cousin. 

Snatching a cloth from his breeches pocket, Thorin understands what Dwalin is asking of him, what needs to be done, and he moves forward instantly to gently, ever so gently wipe Fili’s backside clean. 

‘There, lad. All clean. Nothing I have not done for you before.’ Thorin jokes softly. Dwalin snorts loudly. He knows full well that Thorin has never changed a nappy in his a hundred and eighty nine years, thank you very much, but the warrior does smile gratefully at his cousin. Fili and Kili do not need to know that their uncle never changed their soiled nappies. If it puts Fili as ease, then Dwalin is truly grateful for Thorin’s lighthearted words and more importantly the king’s willingness to assist with such an unpleasant task. Perhaps Thorin and Kili have truly begun to change. Perhaps Fili will make it past the horrors he had to endure. Those two thoughts make Dwalin’s heart feel lighter for the first time since he stepped into the hunting cabin days ago.


	31. A light-hearted mood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili and Thorin get to their atonement task. A plan is made for the dwarves to go find Aslyn and for Dwalin and Fili to stay at the cabin. A light-hearted mood overtakes the cabin.

Once Thorin had pulled up Fili breeches and reached around his sister son’s waist to retie the laces quickly, the king steps back to allow Dwalin to have a moment to comfort and reassure the trembling blonde. 

‘It’s alright, lad. Let’s get you back in, now.’ When Dwalin moves to lift Fili again, the smaller dwarf protests quietly and looks up plaintively to his lover. 

‘I can walk. It hurts, but it’s not unbearable now. I want to walk.’ 

‘Alright, then.’ Dwalin leans in to kiss Fili tenderly at first and then with more passion as Fili presses himself flush against the warrior. 

‘Uh, uhm…we should get to your executing your sentence, Kili.’ Thorin stammers, flailing about for a subject, any subject really to take their attention for the two snogging each other. 

‘Let’s get to it, then.’ Kili agrees, hurriedly looking away from Dwalin and Fili. A spike of jealousy flares through his veins briefly as he would like to have been the captain of the guards’ choice, but it is obvious, so obvious now that the large, older dwarf is in love with his brother. Kili thinks how lucky Fili is to have someone like Dwalin, and the jealousy fades to be replaced by a feeling of happiness for his brother. It is a new feeling, but it is nice, like a fresh, cool breeze on a hot summer day. 

When Dwalin and Fili breathlessly break apart, the warrior gives Thorin a rather sheepish grin and tucks the blonde protectively under his arm, guiding him back to the cabin. Kili and Thorin share a small smile at the retreating pair, Dwalin’s broard and heavily muscled back and shoulders and Fili’s smaller and more lithe frame moving as one. Even the prospect of having to shave his beard does not adversely affect the feeling of light hearted gladness in Kili. 

As the king and his second heir prepare their blades for the task at hand, Thorin tells Kili the tale of why he keeps his beard so short and trimmed versus long and flowing like Balin’s. Kili is stunned to learn of the events with his other uncle, long dead, Frerin and Thorin as young dwarves playing in the snow. 

‘My punishment should be harsher, uncle. I may have been drunk and that influenced my actions, but still….the punishments are almost identical and the crimes are far from the same.’ Pausing in thought, Kili hits on a possibility. 

‘What if I remove the braids from my hair?’ 

‘Those braids mark you as an heir of Durin, Kili. You should wear them with pride.’ Thorin argues firmly. 

‘But did I ACT as an heir of Durin should? I don’t think so, uncle. I’ll remove them and just pull back my hair until the day I feel I have atoned for my actions.’ The dark haired youth answers just as firmly. ‘Besides, if the positions had been reversed, what would you have done to Fili?’

Thorin stares at Kili. Pain twists in his heart to even think about it. He would have slain his blonde sister son without asking a single question, and the king breaks eye contact with the brown eyes of his youngest nephew. 

‘I thought so… ‘

‘A lot has changed in a few days, Kili.’ Thorin says, meeting the lad’s gaze again. ‘While what was done was hideous, some good has come of it. I came to learn some truth…about many things, Fili has forgiven me of my treatment of him, Dwalin and Fili don’t have to hide their bond anymore. Not that I am suggesting we have a repeat of this terrible episode, but it did give me and you and your brother a chance to learn and grow. I guess hardship and adversity can do that- either tear kin apart or strengthen their bonds?’ 

Kili thinks about it- yes, even though the events of the last several days have been the hardest he has ever had to endure, the results may just have been worth it. He just prayed Fili would feel the same way.

After finishing with their task, the trimmed King of the dwarrow and the shaved second heir return to the cabin. The others stare at Kili for only a second taking in his lack of beard and braids, but they say nothing. They had known what punishment Thorin had handed down. 

‘Let’s go to the settlement and find this lass, shall we?’ Thorin asks the other dwarves. 

Dwalin who sips his coffee next to Fili, opens his mouth to answer, but Thorin cuts his protests off. 

‘No, Dwalin, I want you to stay here with Fili. The rest of us…will go. I need Balin’s tact and diplomacy, Oin’s medical skill to determine if the lass IS carrying a dwarven babe, and Gloin’s axe and Kili’s bow as things could get dicey with the men of the settlement.’ Thorin’s tone brooks no argument. Then smiling slightly, he continues, ‘It will give you two a chance to be alone. That would be fine with you two, I presume?’

A wolfish grin spreads over Dwalin’s face as his gaze flicks to Fili, and he nods slowly. ‘Aye, I would say Fili and I could find something to occupy ourselves in your absence. Yeah, lad?’ 

Blushing as the overt implication of Dwalin’s words, Fili just ducks his head and nods, smiling. 

‘Good then, come on, if we make haste, we can be to that settlement by mid day.’ Thorin orders. 

‘I haven’t even had my coffee, yet.’ Grumbles Gloin good naturedly, and he winks at Dwalin as he pulls on his boots. ‘Going to find a human lass who may or may not be carrying a bairn from EITHER of you? Oh, I should have coffee first.’ 

‘Quit your talking and start walking.’ Gloin’s older brother laughs. The dark, broody mood that has blanketed the cabin for the past days has finally lifted, replaced with a casual banter as the dwarves prepare to leave.


	32. Aslyn is found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dwalin and Fili get some time to themselves and the others find Aslyn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost finished, folks. Well, if people are actually still reading this little fic. Ha- well if not, I have only myself to blame. This is just a slight filler chapter. I am not entirely sure how I what to play the next events out, so I will figure it out and have it posted shortly.

After the cabin closed firmly, Dwalin turns to the small blonde. Smiling shyly, Fili fiddles with the end of one side of his mustache as he watches Dwalin stalk towards him. Frowning in dismay when the much larger dwarf stops short, Fili wonders if Dwalin is considering not rekindling their physical relationship. The thought of his lover rejecting him absolutely shreds the blonde’s heart. 

Gulping audibly, Fili hangs his head. Why would Dwalin what that from him NOW? He is ruined after all, isn’t he? Wanting to let Dwalin off the hook and trying to salvage the very last vestiges of his dignity and pride, Fili lifts his chin.

‘You don’t have to touch me, if you don’t care to, Dwalin. I understand that… I will not hold against you, of course.’ Fili lies through his teeth, but he cannot bear to beg. 

‘Wha…by Mahal’s hammer, what are you talking about, lad. Of course, I want to touch you…it’s just…are you ready for that kind of thing?’ 

‘I want to be with you, please.’ Fili whispers, but he cannot look into his lover’s eyes. Well, so much for NOT begging. 

Dwalin makes no response in words but lunges for the small dwarf and bodily picks him up and swings him round to deposit him on the small table. Gently laying the youth on his back and cradling his blonde head and tender backside with hands that can crush an orc’s skull, Dwalin asks permission.

‘Are you sure you are ready, lad.’ 

Fili nods looking Dwalin dead in the eye and wiggles his groin against the warrior encouragingly. 

‘By my beard, Fili…I want you so badly.’ 

‘Please, please…’

‘Hush, lad, I’m here…I’ll take good care of you.’ 

Untying the laces of blonde’s breeches, Dwalin pulls them down to the young dwarf’s knees. When he tries to spread Fili’s legs and fails due to the constraints of the fabric, Dwalin growls in frustration, and yanks Fili’s boots off and tugs the breeches off completely. At the look of terror that washes over the small blonde’s face, the warrior freezes. While it is not unusual for him to be rough with lad, but that was before… 

Taking in a couple of deep, steadying breaths, Fili smiles weakly and reaches for Dwalin’s hand. ‘I love you…I want you so badly, too. Please don’t stop.’ 

Dwalin groans, and he pushes the bottom hem of Fili’s tunic up to expose the boy’s stomach and kisses the lightly furred belly tenderly, then moves lower and lower. 

 

It was long, hard march through the snow, but the dwarves finally made it to the settlement of men that they sought by mid afternoon. 

‘Food first.’ Thorin orders shortly. He is NOT looking forward to finding this lass and hearing her tale, frankly, but it is a task that must be done. He does not want to do in on an empty stomach. 

‘Best idea, EVER.’ Gloin agrees wholeheartedly with his king on this point. They head to the inn. Clomping inside, their wet boots thumping on the plank boards, the cousins file around a corner table. Kili, who is self-conscious about his lack of beard and braids, slumps in the far corner and ducks his head down with his eyes firmly fixed on the table before him. Settling in and placing their order, the other dwarves look around the inn to take in their surroundings. 

When Thorin senses both Oin and Gloin, who are seated across from him, still with their eyes riveted on something across the room, the dark haired dwarf follows his cousin’s line of sight to land on a comely young, blonde lass whose dress is stretched snugly across her belly that looks to be just starting to swell with a bairn. Well, shit, the dwarven king thinks sourly so much for getting to eat BEFORE they find Aslyn.


	33. Going smashingly so far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dwarves find out a bit more about Aslyn. Thorin thinks it is goes rather smashingly. Not.

Thorin exhales and slowly pushes back from the table. Let’s get this over with then, he thinks. Balin cocks a bushy eyebrow in surprise before his gaze,too, lands on Aslyn. 

‘Ah then. There is our lass in question, I suppose?’ The white haired dwarf nudges Kili in the ribs gently. 

‘What?’ snaps the young dwarf. When Balin tilts his head in the direction of where Thorin has moved to stand by the blonde woman, Kili blanches. He feels his heart begin to hammer painfully in his chest and small thrills of…of something through his belly. Butterflies? Yes, that is exactly what it feels like, butterflies or fireflies fluttering in his belly. 

The dwarves sit in silence as they watch Thorin speak to Aslyn quietly, and he turns to gesture towards their table. Aslyn nods happily, and Thorin escorts her to their corner of the inn. 

‘Oh Mahal’s flaming tits, Fili and Dwalin bedded HER? She is a mere slip of a thing. Got a bairn in there by the looks of it. Having Dwalin’s babe will kill her, but for sure.’ Gloin mumbles behind his hand to the others as he watches her approach. 

‘Oi-let’s not be hasty.’ Oin muses. ‘Women are made of sterner stuff than perhaps we give them credit for. She DID survive a night of Dwalin AND Fili’s boisterous love making. Perhaps she can carry a half dwarven bairn to term.’

‘ Do SHUT UP and stand up!’ Commands Balin sternly, and he turns his kind, grandfatherly smile on for Aslyn as she stops next to the table. Thorin makes the brief introductions, finishing with Kili. 

‘Who I believe you already know, miss.’ He says stiffly.

‘Aye, I do. A most kind and sweet dwarf he is, too.’ 

Kili rolls his eyes. He does NOT want her to think of him as some kind of baby duck. She obviously did NOT find Dwalin or Fili so cute and sweet as she had spent a bawdy night with the pair. 

‘The blonde dwarf, Fili, is my brother.’ He chokes out before he can help himself.

Balin gives him the stink eye, but there is nothing left for it. The truth is out. The hell with it then, and he adds. ‘The large, tattooed dwarf is MY brother.’

Aslyn pales as she puts together of whom the two dwarves are referring. ‘Oh…I see.’ She firmly clamps her mouth shut and runs her hands over the swell of her midsection. 

‘Is there a place we could have a chat with you, lass? In private? So we might talk. I am a healer. I could let you know what to expect with a dwarven pregnancy. If that is applicable here.’ Oin finishes gesturing to her torso.

Aslyn nods once. She clarifies and pats her belly. ‘Aye, that is applicable here. But…as for the private place, I have been thrown out of my home by my step-mother. I only have a small room upstairs here.’ 

‘Thrown out?’ Gloin asks aghast. Who would throw a pregnant lass out into the cold? 

‘Aye,’ Aslyn says softly. ‘After our father died, my brother took up with my step-mother. They both tossed me out. Said if I would lay with a dwarf then I belonged in the street.’ 

‘Quite?’ Balin says wryly. ‘I find they MAY be lacking the moral high ground from which to speak so derisively.’

‘You think?’ barks Gloin in a harsh laugh. ‘And I suppose your father died rather unexpectedly?’ 

‘Aye, he did. A tree crushed him.’ Aslyn answers, genuinely confused by the insight of the red headed dwarf. 

‘Oh I image it did. I would wager my beard that he was dead BEFORE the tree was felled on top of him.’ Gloin mutters darkly. 

Aslyn’s eyes widen. ‘You don’t think….’ She stops as the pieces start to fall into place: the sudden way her brother started hanging about the house once their father had brought his new bride into the home, the long glances the woman and her brother shared. Starting violently, Aslyn turns on her heel and races for the door. She barely makes it off the large porch on the inn before she loses her last meal. 

Thorin had darted after her. Not knowing about the rigors of early pregnancy, the dwarven king had suspected she was making a run for it. He skids to a halt and almost crashes into her small frame as she bent over hurling up her lunch. Totally out of his element, Thorin flails about for something, anything to do to help the poor lass. Failing to think of anything remotely helpful, he settles for patting her gently on the back. 

‘Well, this is going smashingly well so far.’ He mutters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have worked out how I want to finish this. I hope you folks will like it. I will have it up in a few days.


	34. Aslyn's tale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oin examines Aslyn, Balin speaks with her. A proposal is made.

Aslyn wearily wipes the back of her hand across her mouth and is aware of a heavy yet gentle hand patting her between the shoulder blades. Glancing up she sees the stern but handsome face of the dark haired dwarf that had approached her inside, peering down at her anxiously. 

‘Uh…are you alright, lass?’ Thorin asks and mentally berates himself. Of course she is NOT alright; she just hurled up all of her stomach contents. Extending his hand to her, the dwarf helps her to her feet, and he rests his other hand against her back to gently guide her away from the smell of her sick. Turning, the pair see Oin, Gloin, Kili, and Balin huddled by the door. 

‘Let’s get her up to her room, shall we?’ Oin does not ask as much as orders. Thorin gestures for him to lead to the way. The blonde girl points to the stairs and with Thorin by her side, she walks unsteadily up the steps to her little room. 

Once they have reached the door, Thorin hands her over to Oin. The healer helps her inside the small chamber, and Balin follows. Thorin comes back down for a moment to speak to Gloin and Kili briefly. 

‘Gloin, you and Kili, stay down here. Eat and relax.’ Thorin says. Gloin nods, eager to NOT be in the room with a potentially sick lass and even more eager to fill his grumbling belly. 

‘Relax?!’ Kili demands hotly. ‘And why do I have to stay down here?’

‘Because I SAID to. Let Oin have a look at her and let Balin have a chat in the way only Balin can. Then we will let her be to rest and reflect.’

‘Reflect about what?’ Kili asks genuinely confused. 

‘IF she is actually carrying your brother’s or Dwalin’s child, then I will certainly offer her a home in Ered Luin. And IF after REFLECTION, she decides that is something she would like to do, then we will proceed accordingly.’ Thorin’s patience is wearing thin with his nephew, and his tone is tight. 

‘What is she does not want to come home with us?’

‘Then that is HER choice to make. And she will be allowed to make it freely, Kili.’ Thorin’s tone gentles. 

‘If it will sweeten the deal, so to speak, I will wed her.’ Kili bursts out, and Thorin sighs wearily. 

‘And why would you want to do that? She is obviously pregnant, by whom we do NOT know and will NOT know until she delivers. It may not even be your kin, Kili.’ 

‘So, she is in need. And I feel it is very likely that the child she carries is either my nephew or my cousin. It would be a way to make up for what I did to help raise the bairn.’ Kili says, warming to the idea already. ‘Just like you helped amad raise Fili and I.’ 

‘And a fine job I did of that.’ Thorin snorts, but he can see the stubborn set to Kili’s jaw. He remembers the same determination on Fili’s face when the lad had first learned of Aslyn’s possible pregnancy with his or his lover’s babe. Neither lad looked like they would let the lass struggle through rearing this child alone, albeit for very different reasons, one as a means of redemption and possibly for love of the mother, the other because of the past hurts inflicted on himself as a unwanted and unloved dwarfling so that this child would NEVER know those kinds of hurt. 

‘We will see, Kili. Now let me hear her tale and what Oin has to say.’ With that, Thorin turns and ascends the stairs, quietly easing the door open when he gets to it. 

 

In the room, Oin listens intently Aslyn’s heartbeat and pulse and then to her midsection to listen the heartbeat of the babe growing there. Oin has a basic understanding of the race of man and their anatomy and physiology. He finds her heartbeat to be normal, but the heartbeat of her bairn is far too slow to be the flutter that is normal for a human babe but is not the heavy and thumping hearthbeat of a normal dwarfling babe either. Sighing, while not absolute proof, it was the only thing for Oin to base his judgment on prior to the babe’s birth.

Although he has never seen or examined a human dwarven half bred babe or adult, in Oin’s expert opinion, Aslyn had been impregnated by a dwarf. Healers rarely say anything in absolutes, so the hearing impaired dwarf would NOT swear to it today, but he WOULD swear that it was very likely. 

When Thorin enters the room, he flicks a questioning glance to Oin to which the healer responds with a slight nod of his head to indicate that, yes, Aslyn LIKELY was carrying a halfdwarven child. Oin will have to split the hairs of the LIKELY part of that nod with Thorin at a later time. Inhaling in resignation, Thorin gestures to Balin to start his kind, gentle, and fatherly opening chit chat, of what was in fact, an interrogation. 

‘Ah-lass, have you had many a…dealings with dwarves then?’ 

‘Dealings, Master Dwarf?’

‘Mister Balin will do, lass.’ The white haired dwarf smiles kindly. ‘By dealings, I mean contact in a way that would…uh…result in…’ Gesturing to the swell of her dress, Balin just cannot seem to get the words out. 

Blushing fiercely, Aslyn ducks her head and shakes it. Thorin cuts his eyes to Oin sharply, but Oin signs two words in their secret, silent language, father and dwarf. Sighing Thorin looks back to Balin, who had also seen and understood Oin’s message. 

‘But you must have had lass…to be in the condition you are now, right? You had said as much just a bit ago downstairs, yes?’

Nodding, Aslyn looks around at the three dwarves beseechingly, before dropping her head again. ‘I did…deal, as you term it, Mister Balin, with a pair of dwarves but NOT for MONEY. We share…time together. I just embarrassed to have to admit it YOU, as you had said you were the large one’s brother. I’ve not had the best experience with brothers.’

‘Not just you, lass.’ Mutters Thorin darkly, but she does not hear him.

‘Why have you come here? I have NOT troubled you nor your brother.’ Tears are forming in the girl’s eyes. Oh shit, Thorin thinks first vomiting, now crying? Is there any wonder why he has never married? If he had had no idea what to do to comfort a woman being sick, he is certainly at a loss for what to do with a crying one. Thankfully, Balin did. He always knew what to say and do in these situations, and in makes Thorin appreciate his cousin, his advisor, his most trusted friend all the more. 

‘Oh, lass, come here now. ‘ Taking the now sobbing girl in his arms, Balin rocks her gently. ‘Hush, now. We have not come to trouble you, but to offer you help, IF you would like it. Bairns are precious, more precious than any diamond or gem. Gifts from Mahal himself, they are.’

‘You want to help me. How?’ Aslyn asks startled. She had not been expecting an offer of assistance. It had been a long standing common prejudice amongst men to be suspicious and uneasy of dwarves as they were thought to be greedy, secretive, and untrustworthy. Truthfully, the only dwarves she had known are Kili who had been very sweet and playfully cute, Fili who had been kind and very sexy, and Dwalin who had frightened her a bit a first, but his tenderness and gentleness with both her and Fili had left her breathless and thankful. 

‘Aye, lass. You see the blonde dwarf…’

‘Fili, his name was Fili.’ She supplies cautiously.

‘Yes, Fili had has a bit a run in of sorts with a couple of men from this settlement who had led another to believe that you had been…taken by force by Fili and uhm, my brother, Dwalin…together.’ Mahal, Balin can barely whisper the last bit, but he manages. 

‘No, oh no. It was NOT like that, at all, Mister Balin. I assure you.’ Aslyn states flatly. Blushing again, she continues in soft voice. ‘Now, the three of us did have dealings, sharing time all together, but it was NOT by force on any of our parts.’

‘You consented?’

‘Yes, they were kind and when I happened upon the pair of them playing in the river that day. They were oblivious to everything around them, splashing like children in the water. They were that intent and focused solely each other. Touching and teasing the other. Their feelings towards one another were so open and apparent. ‘ Hesitating to gather her thoughts, Aslyn continues. ‘They were so obviously in love with the other…and…I suppose I wanted to feel that too, to be included in it. And they let me.’ 

Thorin can only stare at Aslyn when she finishes, and his gaze flicks from one shocked dwarven face to the other. Dwalin frolicking in a river? With Fili? Naked? Thorin supposes they must have been unclothed, and the pair of dipshits had failed to notice a woman watching them as they are too busy groping each other? All three dwarves squint as they try to wrap their minds around the mental picture of THAT scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm- maybe a couple more chapters. Maybe I'll take votes for who the father should be. Naw, I've made my choice.


	35. All hell will likely break loose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin tries but fails to ascertain from Aslyn who she believes to be the father of her child. Oin gets the question asked, but Aslyn cannot say for sure which dwarf impregnated her. She is aghast to find out Fili is the crown prince and tries to ascertain Dwalin's relationship to Fili. Gloin reminds Kili in the finer point of gallantry. Thorin worries what will happen if Aslyn chooses Fili and Dwalin over Kili? Will all hell break loose?

‘Alright, lass.’ Thorin rumbles at last. He wants to rid his mind of the mental image of his most trusted friend and shield brother pawing his nephew and the crown bloody prince for Mahal’s sake. Letting out his breath slowly, Thorin continues, grinding out the next, painfully awkward question, looking pointedly away from Aslyn’s face. ‘And who is the one…uhm…well, what I mean to say…which one…’ Mahal, he cannot say it.

‘Which one released his seed into your womb, lass?’ Oin asks bluntly and precisely. The healer has had enough of watching his cousin flail about trying to ask a simple question. 

Aslyn blushes to the roots of her hair and closes her eyes before she whispers. ‘Both.’ 

‘Ah, there it is then. We will not know which one sired the babe. I think we have a good chance of knowing once the bairn is born. Fili and Dwalin look so different in size and coloring.’ Oin glances to Thorin. The king looks a little sick, frankly, Oin muses. The healer wonders if he’ll be the next to vomit. 

Mahal bless Balin, Thorin thinks as he fights to keep the bile from making its way up his throat, as the old advisor pats Aslyn on the back soothingly. ‘Well, then, how about you accompany us back to Ered Luin for your confinement. There you can deliver your babe and raise the bairn with his or her kin? Your child is either my nephew or the nephew of dark haired dwarf downstairs, and we are all cousins.’ Balin finishes in the persuasive tone his masters so well, smiling kindly. 

‘I…I would like that very much. Very much, indeed. Things have been …difficult since father remarried and…’ Aslyn trails off. ‘What station would I have in Ered Luin?’ She asks suddenly, worried eyes looking up directly at Thorin.

Grimacing Thorin answers tightly, ‘Fili is the crown prince and heir to the throne.’ Aslyn’s eyes widen. ‘ I am afraid he will NOT be able to marry you.’ He will need to take a dwarven wife when the time comes; however, you will NOT be some concubine if that is what you are worried about, lass.’

Giggling slightly, Aslyn blushes again. ‘Not that I would mind, honestly. Is the large dwarf Prince Fili’s concubine, then?’ 

Balin and Thorin’s mouths drop open, and Oin barks out a laugh. ‘Let’s NOT say that in front of Dwalin, shall we? And no, Dwalin is not Fili’s concubine. They are bonded lovers.’ 

‘Oh.’ Aslyn says, obviously confused. 

Rubbing his hand down his face, Thorin says. ‘We will have all day tomorrow to explain the ways of the dwarrow to you. Now, as I image you are hungry, lass, could we retire downstairs to eat? Then we can leave at first light in the morning?’

When all the heads nod in agreement, Thorin throws out a small prayer of thanks to the Maker and heads towards the door. Never in his whole life would he have EVER thought he would have to have such an awkward conservation. Tomorrow should prove interesting indeed. 

When the three dwarves and the young girl descend the stairs, Kili watches them closely. His uncle looks slightly pained, but somewhat relieved, Balin seems resigned, but smiling, Oin’s face is fairly blank, and Aslyn, she seems flushed, but is also smiling. Oh that is a good sign, the young dwarf thinks, hope blooming in his chest.

Gloin leans over to whisper to the dark headed archer. Jumping to his feet, Kili, pulls out a chair for Aslyn and assists her to be seated. She thanks him shyly. Smiling gratefully at his red headed cousin, Kili seats himself next to her. Balin and Thorin exchange a glance. Oin just rolls his eyes and tucks into his food. 

 

Early the next morning, Thorin shakes his youngest nephew awake. The king muses that he has never had to awaken Fili. Fili was always up first in the morning. Smiling at the face slack in slumber, Thorin remembers how Kili and Aslyn had spent evening chatting companionably while the other dwarves smoked their pipes. The human lass had had close to a million questions about dwarrow and dwarven society, and Thorin had been more than a little surprised when Kili answered every single one of them. The pair had seemed very relaxed and comfortable in each other’s presence. 

Oin and Gloin had gone to outfit Aslyn for the journey to Ered Luin the previous afternoon. Sturdy boots, a thick cloak, a couple sets of clothing, and they had replenished the provisions for the trip and to resupply the hunting cabin. The dwarves all have loaded packs hefted on their backs, and Kili takes Aslyn’s from her so that he can unburden her. She smiles at him gratefully. 

Thorin ponders nervously how Aslyn will respond to seeing Fili and Dwalin again. The older dwarves had come to a consensus that she should not be told that Fili and Dwalin await them in the hunting cabin. With a lass and a pregnant one at that, Oin figures she can make it to the cabin in one day. Stop, stay the night at the cabin and resume their walk to Ered Luin the following day. And how will Kili respond if she expresses a wish to rekindle her physical relationship with the pair? All hell will likely break loose Thorin thinks sourly, but he says nothing.


	36. The sight is quite an eyeful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group of dwarves with Aslyn in tow back it make to the cabin. There, they find Dwalin and Fili otherwise engaged and are treated to quite an eyeful of the pair.

If Thorin had thought the awkward conversation from the day before was bad, the ensuing conversation between Gloin and Aslyn on the journey back to the cabin was simply beyond endurance. Frankly, the king was not sure how much longer his nephew would be able to maintain control of his emotions if he had to listen to Asyln’s descriptions much longer. 

Once Aslyn had asked as many questions as she could think to ask of Kili which he happily answered about dwarven culture and society, she moved on to Oin to ask about dwarven pregnancies, how many dwarfling had the healer delivered, etc. When that subject matter had been thoroughly gone over, Gloin finally had his chance to ask HIS questions. 

‘Now, lass, when you are with TWO males, be it dwarf or man, whose cock goes where exactly?’

Kili blanches and turns to stare murderously at his red headed cousin. Balin clears his throat and shakes his head at Gloin in a gesture to shut the hell up, but Gloin is focused on getting his answer. 

Much to the surprise of all the dwarves, instead of being embarrassed by the question, Aslyn answers it forthrightly. ‘Well, I have only had the experience of two males at one time with your cousins, Mister Gloin but this is how we did it...’ She proceeds to recount in graphic detail of whose cock was where in the trio’s first coupling. 

‘ Really?’ Gloin asks in a hushed, reverent tone. ‘And?’ Gloin prods, gesturing with his hands for her to continue. 

 

‘For the love of Mahal’s beard, Gloin!’ Thorin exclaims. ‘Lass, you do NOT have to answer that.’ 

‘She will never speak of THAT again!’ Snarls Kili, getting in-between Aslyn and his cousin. Aslyn comes to a sudden halt and eyes the menacing posture of Kili. 

‘I will answer if I so choose.’ She says firmly. Kili whips around to face her, his face a mask of fury, and the girl takes a quick step back. Balin eases himself between the young lass and his youngest cousin. 

In a placating tone, Balin tries to pat down the ruffled feathers. ‘Now, now…no need to go any further into that just yet.’ The white haired advisor says in a soothing voice but gives Gloin a steady glare to stem any other such questions for the moment.

There was no further carefree banter as the dwarves and Aslyn walk at a slow pace the last few remaining miles, and they arrive to the cabin as the golden hues of the late afternoon sun slant through the trees. 

‘I’m not sure what hurts worse, my feet or my back.’ Aslyn gripes good naturedly as they draw nearer the cabin door. Thorin stops and puts up his hands in a gesture for the group to stop just shy of the cabin. 

Thorin exhales loudly and says. ‘Ah, lass, there is something we must tell you before we get to the cabin. Dwalin and Fili are in there. Fili is recuperating from…injuries he sustained days ago by someone who thought he had taken you by force, and he could not travel. Dwalin stayed with him to care for him.’ 

A low, deep throated moan coming from the cabin pulls the group’s attention to the cabin. ‘Oh, goodness…is he hurt badly?’ Without waiting for a reply, Aslyn rushes towards the door. Before any of the dwarves can stop her, she throws open the door. 

The sight of Dwalin and Fili together on the pallet in a rather compromising position freezes the girl in her tracks. The dwarves stand open mouthed at the tableau in front of them inside the darkened cabin of Fili sitting astride Dwalin. The larger dwarf gives shallow thrusts up as his cock slides in and out of Fili’s asshole, and his large hand pumps Fili’s red erection. Both are slack jawed and gasping with pleasure. The sight is quite an eyeful. 

Fili and Dwalin, interrupted from their love making, are treated to a starkly different tableau of a someone in the cabin doorframe with their closest kin standing right behind that person, theirs mouths all agape with the splendid golden light splashed beyond. In different circumstances, it could have been almost comical.

‘Oi!’ Dwalin exclaims wrapping his arm around Fili and rolling over to shield him from the other's line of sight. ‘Try knocking first!’ He bellows over his bare shoulder. Kili rushes forward to grab Aslyn’s arm and jerks her away from the door. 

‘Hold on now! Please don’t be pulling me about.’ She says, trying to pull free of Kili's vise-like grip. ‘Let me go, please.’ When Kili makes no move to so so, she flicks a nervous glance to Thorin. 

‘Release her at once, Kili.’ Thorin commands in a low voice. He knows Kili is hovering on the edge of losing control. Thorin cannot allow Kili to hurt someone else in a rage as he had done to his brother. Kili glares with his eyebrows down menacingly, first towards the cabin where the sounds of Dwalin and Fili hurriedly dressing drift out to Aslyn’s flushed face and finally to his uncle. He drops her wrist and turns his back on the entire scene. 

Just fucking wonderful Thorin thinks to himself. It was bad enough with Gloin and his damn questions, but now, Aslyn literally walks in on Dwalin buried balls deep in Fili. Lovely, just flaming lovely. The dwarven king thinks if his youngest nephew can keep it together it will be a small miracle. 

Dwalin stands at the open door, arms crossed defensively over his chest. ‘You all can come in NOW.’ Fili shifts uneasily from foot to foot right behind the warrior.

‘That was mighty fast, Dwalin.’ Gloin smirks, keeping sure to remain well out of reach from his bald cousin. Dwalin flicks his eyes to Gloin for a second, but he stiffens when he sees Aslyn’s face clearly. She had been backlit from the bright rays of the setting sun, and the pair inside the cabin had not realized it was the young lass from the human settlement. 

‘Aslyn?’ Fili asks in a shocked voice, but the lad recovers his manners and steps aside to welcome her in. ‘Please, come in and sit. You must be very weary from your travels.’ His eyes fall to where her dress swells in the front. ‘Especially in your condition?’ 

‘Aye.’ She answers shyly, glancing from Dwalin to Fili, smiling and running her hand over her bump. Dwalin huffs and rolls his eyes, turning to stalk back inside the cabin. Fili smiles at the blonde lass. Kili glares at his brother. 

‘Shit, if we can keep someone from being killed in the coming evening, it will be by Mahal’s blessing.’ Thorin mutters to Balin. 

‘Aye.’ The king’s advisor agrees sadly.


	37. It is her choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neither Kili nor Dwalin is not happy with Fili and Aslyn canoodling. Thorin and Balin are worried about what will happen. Kili overhears several conversations. He comes to a conclusion.

Kili shakes with rage for several minutes. Although his back is to the cabin, he had heard his brother speak warmly to Aslyn, and the lass respond just as warmly. During the entire trek back to the cabin, he had not considered the fact that Aslyn may prefer to remain with Fili in whatever capacity Thorin would allow. The thought had not entered his mind as it was not want HE wanted to happen. He had envisaged himself and Aslyn being happy together, getting married, and raising the babe as their own. 

He is such a fool the raven haired dwarf think bitterly. Such a fool to assume just because he desired Aslyn that she would desire him in that way. She had said that she found him cute and someone to talk to where she obviously found Fili desirable. 

For a moment, the pain flares to wild flames of rage within the young dwarf’s chest, but no…he would NOT go down that path again he says firmly to himself. Taking several deep breathes to calm himself, Kili turns back to the cabin. He can handle the pain and disappointment without lashing out to hurt someone else. He is NOT an out of control dwarfling any longer he thinks as he steels himself to enter the cabin. 

There Kili finds Aslyn sitting next to Fili, Dwalin standing behind the pair, glowering at the backs of the two blonde heads as the pair chat and smile shyly at one another. Kili starts at the realization that Dwalin is unhappy as the large warrior scowl deeps as Fili and Aslyn begin to lean towards one another. Dwalin is feeling the same jealousy as he is. 

Cutting his gaze to where his uncle and Balin stand, Kili can see the worried and anxious expressions on their faces as their eyes scan the unfolding scene. Balin is pulling on his beard, and Thorin is rubbing the bridge of his nose. They are both unsettled the young dwarf thinks. He is pulled out of his thoughts when Fili raises a question to Oin. ‘When do you think the babe will be born?’

Oin gives a non-commital shrug and speculates. ‘In the spring I suppose. It was late summer when…’ The healer has enough sense to break off as he can see the mood of Kili and Dwalin darkening quickly. ‘In the spring.’ He says with finality and goes to assist his brother with preparing dinner. 

The two blondes seated at the table smile. ‘In the spring.’ Fili says wonderingly and moves to touch Aslyn’s midsection. He stops, his hand hanging in midair and sheepishly asks permission. Aslyn says nothing but nods and pushes her belly forward, towards Fili. The crown prince runs his hand over the hard bump of her belly. She sighs and places her hand over Fili’s. 

‘Oh shit.’ Thorin mutters under his breath and moves to place himself between and his youngest nephew. The king is surprised that there is no need for his intervention. While Kili is obviously upset, he is in control of his emotions. Thorin glances over and becomes far more worried about his shield brother’s control. 

Dwalin’s eyes narrow, but he simply pushes off from against the wall, exhaling sharply, and strides purposefully out the cabin door, pointedly not looking at the two blondes. Fili jerks his hand away as he realizes his lover is upset from Dwalin’s posture as the anger radiating off the large dwarf in waves. Fili smiles apologetically at Aslyn as he stands from the table and hurries after Dwalin. 

‘Dwalin…wait. Please.’ Fili calls as he goes through the cabin door.

‘Well, things are going to hell fast.’ Balin says, and he goes to assist the brothers, Oin and Gloin with the preparations for dinner. 

‘I am sorry if I am causing a problem.’ Aslyn says softly, her head hanging. ‘It was not my intention, I swear.’

‘I suppose we need to get this over with…what do YOU want, lass?’ Thorin asks in a weary tone. 

‘I don’t know…it is just when I saw Fili again. Especially in the…uh… position I saw him in when I opened the door and saw him and Dwalin again, like that, I…uh, I wanted him again. Badly.’ 

Kili huffs in resignation, but otherwise the young dwarf remains calm, much to his uncle’s and his older cousin’s surprise. 

‘I would say Dwalin was none too happy to see you eyeing Fili, lass.’ Gloin chuckles. The red headed son of Groin had been watching the entire thing from his position at the counter. ‘I swear I saw steam rising from Dwalin’s bald head.’ 

‘Dwalin is upset? At me?’ Aslyn asks horrified. 

‘One, I think his mood is sour due to…uh, being interrupted earlier. Two, I don’t think he likes the idea of you coming between him and Fili.’ Balin supplies. 

‘From our conversation earlier today, you DID come while being sandwiched between him and Fili, literally, that is.’ Gloin quips, completely unhelpfully. Oin whaps his younger brother on the side of the head with the carrot his is peeling. 

‘I am just stating fact!’ Gloin says, outraged at being assaulted with a vegetable. 

Kili feels he cannot take another round of hearing how Fili and Dwalin had fucked Aslyn so he leaves the cabin as well to get some fresh air. Dusk had fallen and the air had become colder, not as cold as it had been in the previous nights, but still the chill air cools his flushed face. 

He almost runs head long into Fili and Dwalin as he turns the corner around the side of the cabin. Fili is pressed up against Dwalin’s front, running one of his hands over the large bulge there. Kili can hear his brother whisper. ‘I love YOU, Dwalin.’ 

Darting back around the corner, Kili is out of sight and had not been seen by either dwarf. Thank Mahal, the young dwarf thinks. 

‘You sure seemed to be very happy to see the little lass, again.’ Dwalin says in an accusatory voice. 

‘Well, yes…I enjoyed our time with her very much. Especially considering we had not gotten to finish earlier and I remembered how good it felt to bury myself into her heat.’ 

‘You like that better, huh?’ Dwalin asks in a hurt voice. 

‘Mahal, no! I love when you take me, Dwalin, truly. There is nothing better, but yes, I do enjoy getting chance to fuck someone on occasion, too.’ 

‘Oh yeah? Well,I certainly prefer to spread you out and claim you, laddie, but I see your point, I suppose. I just did not like to see you making eyes at that female. It seemed like you forgot all about me just now.’

‘Never.’ Fili says in a husky voice. ‘I could never, would never forget you, ever, Dwalin. I am yours.’ Fili purrs. 

‘Yeah? Well, show me, lad.’ Growls the warrior in a deep voice. 

Kili feels his face flushing again even in the chilled air. He has not meant to eavesdrop on his brother and his lover and their intimate conversation. Now he is treated to sounds of Dwalin and Fili snogging each other passionately. Mahal’s flaming tits, the young dwarf thinks, the need to get away from the pair of lovers paramount in his mind before he can overhear anything else.

Kili rushes back to the door of the cabin where he inadvertently eavesdrops on another conversion. He hears Balin ask Aslyn how she feels. He holds his breath as he listens to Aslyn trying to explain her jumbled up feelings.

‘I like Kili, a lot, but he is so young and unpredictable. I don’t know if he would be a good father. I have to think of my baby.’ 

‘He is young, yes, but he has grown up considerably in the last week.’ Kili hears his uncle come to his defense and his other cousins concur. The young dwarf smiles, his kin has not forsaken him even if his actions of a week ago would have justified it. He is a lucky dwarf he muses. If Aslyn prefers to resume her relationship with Fili and Dwalin over beginning one with him, then he will accept it. It is her choice after all.


	38. Horny gits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili is feeling better. Aslyn thinks about her situation. The dwarves prepare to sleep. Balin teasingly threatens Gloin if he doesn't move over.

By the time dinner is ready, Dwalin and Fili had not come back into the cabin. Kili steadfastly refuses to be the one to go inform the pair that the food was ready. He had already seen and heard enough of those two together to last a lifetime, thank you very much. The others concur with that sentiment and sit down to eat. There are not enough chairs anyway for the entire group to eat together anyway. 

When Dwalin and Fili do slip back inside, they try to act as if having leaves and twigs in one’s hair and beard is completely normal and nature. 

‘Oi, only if you’ve been rolling on the ground! Which, of course, I suppose you two HAVE been. Right horny gits.’ Gloin teases. Dwalin pulls Fili close to him and glares at Gloin.

‘What of it?’ The large warrior demands.

‘Peace, Dwalin. Can we please forgo any more drama for the day. We have a good day’s travel tomorrow. Granted that Fili can make it?’ Thorin says.

‘The lad could take a cock up his ass today, I’d say he is healed enough to travel. We’ll be going slowly.’ Oin answers mildly. 

‘Oin!’ Fili hisses in embarrassment. ‘I can travel, uncle.’ 

‘Fine, we will leave in the morning.’ Thorin sighs. ‘Now, how will we arrange the sleeping mats? We must provide Aslyn with as much privacy and as she needs and as much comfort as we can provide. Let’s set up a separate pallet over there is that far corner, closer to the fire and the rest of us can sleep over by the door. We can string a line between the two walls and drape a blanket over it to provide her with some privacy. Sound satisfactory? ‘

Not realizing Thorin is speaking mostly to her, Aslyn starts after several seconds of silence where no one else speaks and nods. ‘Thank you very much. I am happy with whatever you choose to do…uh…Mister Thorin.’ 

Aslyn also realizes that while Kili is casting longing glances at her, Fili is not. The blonde assists the others to rearrange the best pallet for her and get the makeshift room divider in place, he stays close to Dwalin’s side. It is Kili who asks her if she would need anything else before ducking back around the blanket. 

Settling down on her pallet, Aslyn mulls over the situation. She wants Fili. She cannot deny her feelings of desire for the blonde and for his large lover as well. She comes to the conclusion that what draws her to them so much is their attraction and love for each other. Just like her parents had been before her mother had fell ill and watching his wife die slowly had irrevocably changed her father. He had never been the same after his wife finally succumbed after a long, painfully time period. 

Aslyn realizes she wants to return to the wonderfully safe and happy days when she was little more than a child and her mother and father loved each other and their children dearly. Well, the young girl concludes those days are behind and now here she finds herself pregnant by one of two dwarves who are NOT terribly interested in her, but mayhap if she would give the dark haired brother of the blonde a chance….

Aslyn shakes her head violently. She is confused once again. Her father had never acted in such a controlling manner to her mother as Kili had demonstrated towards her this evening. She is not sure she would like to see just how controlling he would get if she were to get closer to him. So where does that leave her? Pregnant and alone. Aslyn sighs and snuggles down in the blankets. Nothing to be done now, but try to sleep and think more about her situation tomorrow. 

The cousins jostle and bump into one another as they undress to prepare for sleep. Elbows are inadvertently thrown into the soft bellies and to the sides of stone hard heads. Exclamations of ‘oi’ and ‘watch it, you louthead’ can be heard from the other side of the hanging blanket. 

Aslyn smiles to herself, well perhaps not alone. Every one of those dwarves are, in one way or another, blood related to the babe growing in her belly. Pregnant, but not alone, not anymore. Asyln smiles and rubs her belly. It is the first time she has felt truly safe and hopeful since her mother’s and father’s deaths. Perhaps she can become part of another family.

Gloin and Oin trip over one another and decide to crawl over to settle on the group pallet. It is getting colder, especially by the door, away from the fire. Balin chuckles at the sons of Groin. The white haired dwarf slaps Gloin on his woolen covered arse for the red headed dwarf to scoot over to make room. Grumbling under his breath, Gloin refuses to move for a moment. 

‘If you don’t move your hairy arse or perhaps, Oin and I can SHOW which cock goes where in a threesome, yeah?’

‘Oi! I don’t want to be the marmalade in a marmalade sandwich, I want to be the bread!’

‘Who is the horny git now?’ Dwalin snipes from his chair where he smokes his pipe with Fili dozing in his lap. 

‘Says the dwarf with his lover in his lap. He’ll probably slip it to Fili again any time now.’ Grouses Gloin. 

‘Shut UP! The lot of you.’ Growls Thorin. ‘We have a GUEST, if you will remember, and I don’t think she cares to hear your crude comments.’ 

‘Should I check on her?’ Kili asks anxiously. 

‘That would be a definite no, Kili.’ Thorin grinds out, his patience wearing thinner by the second. 

‘Yep, another horny git, there.’ Snorts Oin whose eyes are closed. The old healer is tired and all he wants is to get some sleep, but he cannot help but to tease the youngest member of their troup. 

Blushing fiercely, Kili ducks his head, but he sees Dwalin’s eyes dart to him and narrow darkly. Dwalin remembers what Kili had done and to whom the last time the lad was feeling horny.


	39. Hunting an elven midwife/healer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dwarves get Aslyn to Ered Luin. Oin worries about Aslyn's chances of carrying the babe to term and worries more about her chances of delivering the child. Kili with Nori's help hatches a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter and this fic will wrap up. I had a reader offer some great suggestions that I have incorporated. Thank you for the great comment and suggestions, fandom_ninja!

The next day’s travels had passed easily enough, and the dwarves had gotten Aslyn to Ered Luin without incident. Getting her settled in and established in her own household had been an entirely different story. Dis throws a tantrum of colossal proportions when she learns the girl is pregnant and wants Thorin have her thrown out of the Blue Mountain halls immediately. Thorin had wearily but firmly refused. Then things had gotten very ugly between the Durin siblings when the king confronts his sister about her dishonesty about Frorin all those years ago and her subsequent treatment of Fili. Dis had laughed in Thorin's face, reminding her brother of his own mistreatment of Fili. Thorin sadly admits to his sister that he had been wrong on many levels with his attitude and manner towards her first born son.

Dis had huffed, pouted, shouted, and finally cried, but Thorin would not relent. The king had demanded his sister take responsibility for her actions. Kili watches, horrified as his mother act like a dwarfling, but she would NOT admit to any wrong doing. Ultimately, Dis would not acknowledge her mistakes and swore to have nothing do with Aslyn or her child. Kili realizes that in the past how often he would act exactly like his mother was doing now. He had vowed then and there not to repeat her mistakes. 

Thorin had allowed Fili to move into Dwalin’s small quarters. The pair happily settlesin together. Aslyn had eventually set up her tiny home right next door to the pair. The trio could often be found spending the long winter evenings together. Aslyn is comfortable with simply a friendly relationship with the stoic dwarven warrior and the dwarven crown prince. 

Although Kili had been mightily disappointed when Aslyn had not choosen to take him up on his offer of marriage, the young dwarf accepts her decision without question. Dwalin is very reluctant to have Kili included in any of the preparations for the arrival of the babe. It is obvious, the large dwarf has still not forgiven the dark haired dwarf. 

While winter wears on and still holds the Blue Mountains in its icy grip, Aslyn is still a couple months from delivery. Oin becomesmore concerned with each passing day. 

‘I will tell you plainly, Thorin, I worry for the lass. She is growing ever heavier with child, coupled with the fact that she is small and narrow in the hips, I hope the babe will be able to pass through her pelvis.’ Oin voices his concern to his cousin, the king. The healer had found Thorin, passing the winter evening helping his youngest nephew fletch arrows, and the king pauses to mull over Oin’s words. 

‘Is there anything we can do to prepare for the event the child cannot fit?’ 

‘It may be helpful to have a midwife from a human settlement attend her during her labor, but I have not been able to locate one close by. Balin has sent out several requests for assistance, but none have been answered.’

Thorin huffs in angry and frustration. He cannot fathom why the race of men would hold such low opinion of dwarves, but it was almost a universal belief among men. Kili silently continues his work with his arrows, but the young dwarf’s mind races. 

Late that night, Kili seeks out a dwarf of dubious reputation, Nori. If anyone would know of the ways of men or where to find just about anything about anything to do with men, Nori is the dwarf. Finding the red headed dwarf, Kili asks Nori for help when Aslyn's time comes to deliver his unborn nephew or cousin.

Nori normally maintains quite the poker face, but his braided eyebrows shoot straight up when Kili divulges that the child Aslyn carries is either Fili’s or Dwalin’s as that is a closely guarded secret. 

‘Ah…I see. No wonder Oin is in such a twist.’ Nori chuckles, but the dwarf has recently developed a soft spot for the dark haired prince as Kili’s bratty, obnoxious behavior had been nonexistent since the late fall and Nori had come to enjoy the lad's company. ‘I will see what I can do.’ Kili thanks Nori profusely. 

It takes Nori several days to report back to Kili, but he provides the young dwarf the name and likely whereabouts of an elven midwife who could possibly be willing and able to help the young lass. 

‘Elven!’ Kili exclaims in dismay. He knows his uncle and most of the other dwarves as well, will NOT like assistance from ANY elf. 

‘Aye, elven. You know they live for centuries. Well, the one I have heard of lives in a place a few days hard ride from here. May be willing to help. Or may not, but that is the only scrap I could find. And I have called in ALL my many and assorted contacts.’ Nori assures Kili.

Kili asks Nori for the location and the elf’s name. Kili resolves to find this elven healer/midwife and ask for their help. What could it hurt he thinks? It is not like Dwalin, Fili, or Aslyn seek out his company since their return to Ered Luin, and he cannot bear to spend much time with his bitter mother; however, Kili knows he must give a suitable excuse for his absence to his uncle. 

‘I would like to go on one last trapping trip before the arrival of spring.’ Kili tells Thorin and hopes his uncle will not have too many questions. Thorin cocks an eyebrow in surprise, but he says nothing and allows Kili to prepare for a solo hunting/trapping trip.

Kili smiles and thanks his uncle. He goes to prepare the best he can for a different kind of hunting trip, a quest to track down an elven healer/midwife. The life of Aslyn and her unborn child just may depend on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to do a lot of correction to the verb tense in this chapter.


	40. Arwen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili finds Imladis and unknowingly finds the elven midwife and healer immediately. The midwife agrees to come to the Blue Mountains to assist with Aslyn's delivery.

Kili mounts his pony and rechecks his provisions. Winter had finally waned enough for the young archer to put his plan into action. He dares not wait any longer for Aslyn’s belly had grown to alarming proportions, and he could see that she had begun to waddle as she walked when he would catch sight of her going to and from Dwalin’s small home. 

Kili sighs as he rides along and thinks of the large warrior. Fili had forgiven him as had the others, but Dwalin had maintained a steadfast refusal to socialize with Kili or to speak to him unless absolutely necessary. Kili misses his brother as Fili spent very little time with him these days, what with preparing for the imminent arrival of the bairn and not having to hide his relationship with Dwalin. 

Thorin is always busy with the running of Ered Luin and the whole Blue Mountains and he had taken to brushing Kili off whenever the archer would come seeking his attention. In the past, that would have never happened. Thorin had almost always dropped whatever pressing issue to give his full time and attention to Kili. It is not have case any longer. Kili wonders if this is how Fili had felt like his whole life? Alone and unwanted. It is little wonder that Fili had been so adamant about ensuring his or Dwalin’s child with Aslyn would NOT grow up under such circumstances. 

Then there is the bitterness and unhappiness of his mother to cope with. She rarely misses the chance to speak harshly about or deride Aslyn, Fili, Dwalin, whoever really, the target did not matter. Kili sighs again. Was she always so bitter and nasty or did the fact of Thorin calling her out on her lies and maltreatment of Fili for all those years, twist her heart beyond repair? He does not know, but he is very thankful he had been able to gain the insight needed to acknowledge his past mistakes and grow into a better dwarf, a dwarf worthy of the line of Durin. He does his best to tune out his mother's harsh ravings. 

Several long days of steady riding pass uneventfully and he draws nearer to the what Nori referred vaguely to as the lands of the elves of the West called Imladris. Now, how does one find elves Kili wonders? Dwarves don’t interact with many outsiders and never with elves. 

Riding down a long slope which ended at a river, Kili’s hunter instincts tell him is being watched. A single arrow that lands well in front of his pony pulls him up short. 

‘Ho!’ He calls loudly. ‘I mean no harm.’ He fervently prays whoever is watching means HIM no harm. ' I seek the advice and council of a renowned elven healer and midwife, one called Arwen. Where might I find him?' 

The lilting sound of laughter comes from the other side of the river. ‘Him?’ A male voice snorts. ‘And what might a dwarf want with a elven midwife? Don’t tell me you’ve gotten an elfwife?’ More cackling laughter.

Kili flushes as he HATES to be laughed at, but he keeps his head. ‘No, I seek this healer’s council as a young lass of the race of men is pregnant by…. my brother, and we fear for her ability to safely deliver the child.’ Kili wisely feels this is not the time to quibble about the fact that Aslyn may be pregnant with either Fili’s or Dwalin’s child. 

‘A human lass is carrying a dwarfen child?’ A higher, female voice answers, the concern in the tone unmistakable. 

‘Aye.’ Kili answers firmly. 

Out of the trees on the other side of the river steps a dark haired, beautiful elf maiden. Two other males elves appear behind her. Kili can tell the trio must be related as they all look so much alike in the face and carriage. 

‘When is she due to deliver.’ 

‘Soon. A matter of weeks, perhaps only days, now.’ 

Starting, the elf maiden turns to one of the males and speaks rapidly to him in elvish. Both males shake their heads grimly. The female straightens to her full height, which while less than either males is still quite tall. Kili grins in spite of himself whatever she said, got a harsh glare shot his way, but one male turns and retreats into the wood. The other proceeds to accompany the dark haired maiden across the river. 

When the pair had stepped into the water, the river immediately fell to a trickle and the two crossed swiftly in ankle deep flowing water. Kili had shifted uneasily. Dwarves have their own prejudices against elven magic, but he holds firm when the elves approach. He has his little neice or nephew or cousin to think of he reminds himself. 

‘From whence do you hale?’ The male elf asks without preamble.

‘Ered Luin in the Blue Mountains.’ 

‘Are you kith and kin with Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain?’ 

Well, shit Kili thinks, but he knows that outright lying would be folly. ‘Yes, he is my uncle.’ 

‘Uncle!? And the babe yet unborn is sired by your brother? He is also a nephew to Thorin? ‘ 

‘Yes.’ Kili answers wearily. If these damn elves are to help, he hopes they will get on with it. 

‘Well, that settles it then. Elladan, brother, please make our guest comfortable as I go collect my things and the items I may need to bring forth this child. ‘ Without waiting for an answer, the elf maiden whirls and skips back across the shallow water to the disappear into the wood.

Elladan, the remaining elf, splutters for a moment at his sister’s retreating back, but sighs in resignation. Turning to look sourly at Kili. ‘So, you are of the line of Durin, then? However did you come by seeking assistance from elves?’

‘Great need spurred me here.’

‘And why are YOU here and not your brother to plead for help?’

Kili stiffens but does not take the bait. Those deep breathing exercises DO come in handy to keep one’s head he muses. ‘My brother is loath to leave the lass as her time draws nigh.’ Alright, Kili rationalizes that is not exactly a bald faced lie. 

‘Hmmm?’ The elf snorts. 

To change the subject, Kili asks. ‘So will the maiden fetch Arwen, then?’ 

Snorting louder, the elf rolls his eyes and informs the young dwarf in a haughty tone. ‘That maiden IS Arwen and it seems as if she has made up her mind to assist you.’

‘Thank Mahal!’ Kili mutters. ‘And all the Valar.’ He adds hastily. He is completely unsure about elfish religious standings so he thanks ALL the gods, just in case.

Elladan snorts and smiles again. ‘You must love your brother to make such a long trip on your own.’

‘I suppose you could say, I owe it to him. Would you not do something similar for your sister?’ 

‘Yes, I suppose I would, dwarf. I suppose I would indeed.’ Elladan answers, giving Kili an appreciative glance. Maybe all dwarves are not the greedy, gold and gem grubbing hoarders that many elves believe the tall elf thinks.


	41. my son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili and the elves arrive just in time to help Aslyn. A fine son is brought into the world.

A week later, in the Blue Mountains, Aslyn is restless and cannot sleep. She has been up for several hours with a terrible bout of intestinal cramps. She very much regrets eating the brussel sprouts she had for dinner last night. When Fili and Dwalin come over to check on her, they find Aslyn pacing in her small home. 

‘Lassie, what is wrong? Why are you still up?’ Dwalin asks. 

‘Those Brussel sprouts you made, Fili, did me in I’m afraid…I keep having to run to the privy. It passes only to come on again a bit later.’

‘Comes and goes? How long in between?’ Fili asks nervously. 

‘I dunno, every few minutes. ‘

Dwalin looks questioningly at Fili. The blonde says. ‘Please get Oin, Dwalin.’

‘The babe?’ 

‘What do you mean, the babe? I eat something that didn’t agree with me is all.’

Fili puts his hand on Aslyn’s taunt and swollen belly and feels the muscles tense under his palm. ‘Aye, the babe is coming, I think.’

The next several hours pass in a flurry of activity. Oin and Runa, Gloin’s wife, had been fetched, Dwalin and Fili unceremoniously thrown out, clean towels and rags collected, water boiled. All the while, Aslyn had lain in her bed, panting and moaning with each contraction, then to fall back limp in the soaking sheets when it passed. 

Oin runs his hand over his face as he walks out of her small bedroom to speak to the awaiting fathers. Babes often make their way into the world in the wee hours of the morning, but this babe is not progressing down Aslyn’s birth canal. 

As the old healer and the dwarven midwife, Runa, worry, the sound of shouting outside the small home pulls them out of their fretting. Whatever is the fuss outside Aslyn’s home is apparently making its way INSIDE. 

Dwalin and Fili had been alternating between pacing and puffing on their pipes, when a general alarm was sounded. 

‘For Mahal’s sake, what now?’ Dwalin gripes.

When three large horses came snorting around the bend in the road, Dwalin and Fili put down their pipes to draw what weapons they have on their person to address whatever, if any, threat the riders pose. 

Aslyn and Dwalin and Fili’s homes were located on the far outskirts of Ered Luin, away from the mountain halls where Thorin and Dis and Kili lived so the main body of guards can be heard coming down the road in the opposite direction as they had heard the call of the dwarven village’s outer guards.

‘What mischief is all this about?’ Fili wonders. He is actually thankful for the distraction. 

When the riders pull up in front of Aslyn’s tidy house, Fili is shocked to see Kili’s face peering out at him from astride one horse in front of an elven maid. Whatever scenarios his mind had churned out to explain the sudden appearance of three horsemen in the middle of the night, none involved his brother. 

‘Kili, by Mahal’s beard! What are YOU doing here? With elves?’ Fili asks dumbfounded. 

‘Fili, this is Arwen. She may be able to assist with the delivery of Aslyn’s child.’

Dwalin narrows his eyes looking from one elfish face to another before finally turning to Kili’s.

‘And WHY would we want THEIR help? Or YOURS, for that matter?’ The large warrior snarls. 

‘Peace, Dwalin.’ Fili whispers, laying his hand on Dwalin’s bicep. ‘Kili explain yourself, please.’ He calls to his brother. 

Kili had just opened his mouth to begin his tale, when Thorin, Balin, Gloin, and a host of dwarven guards arrive on the scene, arms at the ready. Fili throws out his hands in a gesture for them to stand down.

‘Peace! Peace! Let Kili talk!’ The blonde prince implores them. 

Nori strolls up mid-way through Kili account of finding Arwen and convincing her to accompany him to Ered Luin to assist in the delivery of Aslyn’s child. Nori looks mildly impressed as that is as much as Nori CAN look impressed at anyone other than himself. He had not thought the young archer had the resolve to follow up on the information he had provided. 

When he finishes, Thorin and Dwalin’s matching scowls seem to answer the question of whether or not, Arwen would be allowed to assist in any way, but Fili overrules them.

‘She is HERE. Aslyn and the babe NEED help, please. ‘ Tears are forming in Fili’s eyes, but they remain unshed. 

At Oin’s appearance from the bedroom, Fili turns to his cousin, the healer. ‘Is there any hope of her delivering the babe?’ 

Oin shakes his head sadly. ‘She has been fully dilated for hours, but making no further progress, I would say the babe is stuck in her pelvis.’ 

‘Common for half dwarven infants.’ Arwen says softly. 

‘Is there anything that can be done? I don’t know how we would care for the babe if the mother is to perish.’ Fili whispers. 

‘Yes; however, we must move quickly.’ Arwen says firmly.

‘Please do what you can.’ Fili answers just as firmly.

‘Now, hold on a moment.’ Thorin had had enough. ‘By Mahal’s flaming beard, we don’t know WHY these elves are here really, do we?’

‘Thorin, all I know is that by the proactive thinking and action of my brother, that my or Dwalin’s, child MAY have a chance to live. I will take it. Whatever their motives for coming.’ Fili says with finality and stares down his uncle. 

The king and heir glare at each other for several long moments, then Oin breaks the stand off. ‘Come this way, lassie. The mother has labored long. She is in here.’ 

A dark haired elf maiden dismounts, grabs her bag from one of her brothers, and seems to glide as she follows Oin into the house. Once the front door had been firmly closed, the remaining dwarves and elves look around nervously at one another. 

Fili smiles at his brother. Dwalin and Thorin frown. Elladan and Elrohir flick their gazes between the trio of dwarves wondering what their little sister had gotten them into. 

‘Come, there is plenty of pipe weed, if you smoke?’ Fili says to the elven brothers, still astride their sweating mounts. 

‘Aye, have a smoke. We’ll see to your horses, lads.’ Gloin offers. Elladan and Elrohir are surprised and their faces show it clearly. ‘We dwarves are rough around the edges compared to you foppish elves, maybe, but we do have some manners.’ Gloin gripes. 

Thorin actually smiles at the elves as they sheepishly shrug and dismount to await the birth. They don’t have long to wait before the unmistakable, high pitched wail of an infant pierces the early morning dawn. 

Standing all at once and bumping into one another on the small porch of Aslyn’s house, the elves and dwarves jostle in to each other but all fall silent when the door opens and Runa steps out.

‘A fine son.’ She whispers down at the bundle of blankets in her arms. Dwalin and Fili exchange a long glance, and before step forward. They peer into the blankets and Dwalin’s grin spreads from ear to ear. Fili just stares in wonder. 

‘Aye, a fine son, you have there, my love.’ The warrior breathes into Fili’s ear. Fili looks up at his lover bewildered. 

‘How can you tell?’

‘If he had my Blacklock blood in him, he would not have that tuft of blond hair, laddie. That and he looks exactly like you when you were born.’ Dwalin says, kissing Fili’s temple, tears pooling in his eyes. 

‘My son.’ Fili whispers, tears running down his cheeks, and Runa smiles, carefully placing the babe in Fili’s arms.


	42. Baby Frorin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili is hesitant to allow Thorin to hold his newborn son. Dwalin convinces him to let go of the past. Runa, the midwife, reassures the dwarrow that Aslyn will be fine, but she will need assistance while she recovers from the surgery Arwen performed to extract the baby. Fili and Dwalin's help is assumed, but surprisingly Thorin offers his assistance. As does Kili. Will Dwalin allow Kili to help with the baby?

Kili and Arwen’s brothers had retreated to stand in the quiet street to give Fili and Dwalin some space on the porch. Fili sits down and rocks his baby in his arms. Dwalin sits behind to the blonde and moves his legs on either side of the lad, wrapping his arms around Fili’s and hooking his chin over the blonde’s shoulder. 

‘Aye, this little one looks just as Fili did as a newborn, doesn’t he, Thorin?’ Dwalin asks casually, but he feels Fili stiffen in his arms. The blonde holds the baby closer to his chest, protectively when Thorin approaches to get his first look at the child. For his part, the king catches the defensive movement of his nephew. Thorin stops short and simply waits for Fili to show him his new son.

Ducking his head in shame at his own pettiness, Fili cannot help but want to shelter and protect the tiny, blonde newborn from his uncle’s gaze. The crown prince recalls his own childhood, and the cold, hard, derisive stare with which his uncle would give him whenever he looked at the blonde. No, Fili thinks he will never stand by and let HIS son feel that icy glare. 

Thorin waits with his heart twisting in his chest. He realizes that his sister son is shielding his son from him, and it hurts, but he will not force Fili to share his son with him. 

Fili’s blue eyes first glance to Dwalin’s, and the large dwarf leans his head to bump Fili’s forehead before he flicks his eyes to Thorin. With obvious reluctance, Fili brings up his own eyes to meet Thorin’s where he sees the tight pinch around his uncle’s eyes. He is shocked when he realizes it is look of pain on Thorin’s face. ‘Thorin?’

‘I know I may not deserve to share in your happiness Fili, but I would like to congratulate on the birth of your son.’ Thorin says sadly as starts to turn away.

‘Will you treat him with the respect he deserves? Not like just another blonde Durin bastard?’ Fili can’t help the sharp edge to his tone. 

Thorin sighs and rubs his hand down his face. ‘I suppose I DO deserve that comment, Fili. I AM sorry for the way I treated you growing up. I had NO right to do so. While it pains me, I understand that you feel the need to protect your child from me, and THAT fact SHAMES me.’

‘Uncle?’ Fili breathes out, dumbfounded. Never had he heard such an admission of wrong doing from his uncle. Dwalin chuckles and squeezes Fili tighter. Fili nods at his lover’s meaning and offers the bundle of blankets to his uncle.

Thorin sits next to Fili and Dwalin, and the transfer of the infant is slowly and carefully accomplished with whispers of ‘mind his head’ murmured by all three. 

‘He DOES look just like you at this age, Fili.’ Thorin says awestruck at the tiny life in his hands. 

Hesitating for only a moment, Fili says calmly. ‘I would like to call him Frorin.’ Now it Dwalin’s turn to tense and hold his breath, waiting for the king’s reaction.

‘A good name, lad. A strong, good name.’ Thorin murmurs, rocking the babe. ‘What of the mother, Aslyn? How does she fare?’ 

Fili and Dwalin realize with horror that they had not given the lass a single thought since little Frorin had been brought out. Looking up in fear, both dwarves turn to stare at the midwife, Runa with the question obvious in their eyes, yet unspoken. She smiles.

‘Aye, the mother had a tough time of it, no doubt, but that elf maid really knows what she is doing. I’ve never seen a babe born that way, but when I left the elf and Oin were busy stitching Aslyn’s belly back together. The elf said she should be fine in a couple of weeks.’ 

‘She was CUT open!?’ All three male dwarves chorus in abject horror.

‘There was no way that baby was coming through her pelvis.’ Runa snorts. ‘Now, with livestock, we know how get an unborn calf or foal out to save its life but we sacrifice the mother’s. Arwen showed Oin how and where to cut to get the babe out of Aslyn’s womb. Actually, the WHOLE womb came out if you want to entire truth.’ Runa says, but stops when she sees the dwarrow pale dangerously. ‘Well, I guess you don’t need to ALL the details.’ She chuckles. Battle hardened warriors like Dwalin and Thorin about to fall over from such talk she smirks to herself. 

‘Aslyn will be fine. She will need time to recover from having her abdomen cut open, but the elf says that she will be fine in time. Someone will have to help her get around for a while and help with little one.’ Runa sums up. 

Fili and Dwalin nod. Thorin says unexpectedly. ‘We could all take shifts caring for the mother and child.’ 

Dwalin’s eyebrows shoot up towards where his hairline should be. Thorin shrugs. ‘We are family, are we not?’ The dark haired king answers simply to answer his cousin’s questioning look. 

‘Ehm…what about me? Could I…could I help, too? With Frorin?’ Kili asks as he eases closer to the porch. Dwalin’s gaze hardens to diamonds at the sight of the young dwarf.

Fili who was still seated in front of the warrior, leans back to press himself against his lover’s chest. The young blonde turns his head and with his hand turns Dwalin’s face towards his own. ‘Without Kili’s actions, Aslyn and Frorin would have died.’ He says quietly. 

‘Without Kili’s actions, your back would not bear such scars and you would not be plagued by nightmares!’ Dwalin snaps.

‘That is in the past, Dwalin. Have many nights have we talked where you argued that I need to forgive Thorin for his past mistakes? Doesn’t Kili deserve the same chance at forgiveness?’ Fili asks softly. Kili cringes, but he does not withdraw, not yet. 

‘As long as his actions are honorable.’ Dwalin snarls.

‘I think it was very honorable for him to ride across Middle Earth to seek council from others than our own kind at no small risk to himself. And for what? For a woman who rejected his offer of marriage? For a babe that is NOT his, but mine or yours?’ Fili asks smiling at his lover. ‘Honorable and unselfish. I think Kili has changed from the dangerous dwarfling he was just last fall.’ Fili turns to smile at his brother. 

Dwalin rolls his eyes, but does not respond. Thorin clears his throat. ‘Not that I would say seeking the advice and assistance from elves is EVER a good idea, in this case, Kili was right. And Fili is right about his apparent motivation. I agree, Kili has made steps in the right direction to becoming a dwarf of strength of character and a willing heart. And honorable. ’ 

Kili feels his spirits soar at his brother’s and uncle’s words. The uncertainity of searching for the elves and specifically to find the mysterious Arwen, the long, grueling days in the saddle have been worth hearing their praise. That and hearing his nephew, Baby Frorin's first cries as he entered the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter then we're done!


	43. Not today, but soon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin and Dwalin talk as they watch Fili and Kili playing with Frorin after his first birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay! My family and i went on vacation and then just did not feel like writing when we got back. I am not completely happy with this chapter. In rereading the previous chapters, I think the story could have well finished at the end of the last chapter, but I did want to make reference to the quest to reclaim Erebor.

One year old Frorin squeals with delight as his Da and his Dwa chase after the fast moving child as he toddles with unexpected speed in a large field on the outskirts of Ered Luin. 

‘Get in here and entertain your nephew. Give an old dwarf a rest.’ Dwalin says gruffly to Kili. The dark headed youth hesitates only a moment before his face breaks into his signature, blinding smile and he slips down from his perch on a large rock outcropping where he had been keeping silent watch over the small gathering of his kin. Swooping up behind the unexpecting tot, Kili hoists his little blonde nephew into his arms and up over his head. Frorin positively shrieks with delight. 

Dwalin sags down to sit next to Thorin where the king sits in the shade of a large oak tree on the edge of the flat field. ‘A year ago, would you have ever thought things would have worked out as they have?’ Dwalin huffs out as he tries to regain his breath. 

Thorin smiles, a true, genuine smile and shakes his head. ‘No, we have all learned so much since that terrible fall day when we found Fili and Kili.’ 

‘Aye.’ Dwalin agrees. The warrior is not one to feel the need to summarize what had been learned by all concerned parties, not like his brother, Balin, is so fond to do. The simple word of agreement is sufficient. 

‘I wish I could say the same for Dis.’ Thorin says a bit sadly but without any bite of bitterness in his words. 

‘Aye.’ Dwalin agrees again. 

‘Her pride keeps her from admitting she was wrong, then or now.’ 

‘Aye.’ 

‘Are you going to say anything else than aye today? I know you are not one to often hold up his end of the conversation, but if you could use a few more words today, that would be helpful.’ Thorin teases his shield brother. 

‘You’ve got the wrong brother for that, Thorin, and you know it.’ Dwalin smirks and settles back against the broad tree trunk. 

‘I am glad they have forged such strong bond in the last year. We’ll need it if we are to ever reclaim Erebor.’ 

Dwalin did not need to ask Thorin to clarify to whom he was referring as the king’s eyes follow the antics of the two brothers as they play with his great nephew, Frorin; however, the warrior is surprised to hear Thorin speak of Erebor.

‘Any news of Smaug? It has been years since we’ve heard of any sighting of that worm.’ Dwalin snarls.

‘Nigh on sixty years since that foul creature was last seen. Oin and Gloin have mentioned some…signs.’ 

‘You’re serious about reclaiming Erebor.’ Dwalin says. It is not a question.

‘Aye. I was hestitant before, but now…I feel the pull to take back what is ours. What should be theirs.’ Thorin nods his head in Fili and Kili’s direction. ‘Fili will be a great king, kind and forgiving, but strong, level-headed, and above all, fair. He has so much more confidence now that he knows he can trust Kili at his side. It was what was missing before.’ 

Dwalin gives his old friend a questioning look so Thorin continues. ‘I don’t know if I can explain it, Dwalin. The time is right. THEY are right. Before…it…’ Thorin trails off, not knowing how to articulate his thoughts properly.

‘I know I am a good warrior and a fine king in the trials we have had, but to rule a kingdom such as Erebor. To form and maintain alliances with other kinds, I KNEW I was not up for that. Fili is. And now that his brother has proven himself to selfless and dependable, no longer a reckless, brainless brat, the pieces have come finally together. I think THAT is why the signs are revealing themselves now.’ 

Dwalin looks in wonder at Thorin. ‘When do we leave?’ 

Thorin claps Dwalin on his broad shoulder and smiles at the warrior’s loyalty and willingness to follow. ‘Not today, but soon.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so ends what had started out to be about a 10 chapter fic. As much as I wanted to, I did not have the energy to write the fluffy bits about Frorin as a baby. Maybe, I'll write later.


End file.
